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Young Writers Society


The Marques of Havens



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Sat Feb 11, 2006 11:20 am
Certainly Love says...



“Since the first story was moving too fast and I thought the same way, I write another in hope that it is detailed as it should be…how I really write…At least I think.”

1802
“I will not marry him…” Amy Garith glared at her brother Simon, frowning at the fact that he just stood there without saying a single word. It was something he had often done to let her know that he was unmoved by her protests and that he wasn’t going to change his mind. Simon was the eldest of the family and much more, the head of the household. He had inherited the family estate and everything in it the year he turned fourteen. That was only because their parents had died that year and what a painful loss. It was the day that Simon’s childhood ended…no more laughs; no more smiles…it was replaced with the seriousness of a grown man, for he had gained much responsibilities and decisions were now up to him. Simon was once a free spirited boy. Never did he deny Amy of what she had wanted…until this day…when Amy was at the peak of reaching a ripe age of womanhood. It was time she married…and so that is what Simon thought.

Simon leaned up against the edge of his desk, looking down at Amy as she sat defiantly in a single chair. She had lovely red hair and thin pink lips that most women envied. Simon was tall, possessing brown hair and the look he gave her was, to Amy, sympathetic. His green eyes resembled that of their father’s as did hers. They were the only ones who possessed such eyes out of five. The other siblings had already married, which left Simon and Amy in the family house where they grew up as children, but now Simon was sending her to a man. She would be married…to a complete stranger.

“You will marry him, Amy. It does you no good to protest. In a week, you hear?” Simon took his seat behind his desk and sighed. Amy was already in tears and she felt greatly betrayed.

“I could at least know his name.” She said softly. Seeing the tears upon her face, Simon sighed once more.

“Amy, you are not making this any easier for me. As much as I don’t want you to marry someone…you feel you don’t know, you must marry and to someone who is worthy of having you..” His eyes were kind, but that didn’t do much to take away the dreadful feeling she had…the dreadful feeling of marrying someone she did not even know.

“If it’s of any comfort to you, you are to marry the Marques of Havens, Garret Rutherford. Do you remember? You use to refer to him as Gary, when you were a little girl and he was mere boy who adored the fact that you had such dark red hair.”

“Gary? I thought you were going to have me marry the Duke of Northrop.” Amy said.

“Good heavens, you expect me to marry you off to man who went aloof? Of course not, Amy. ”

“No, it’s just that I didn’t expect you to marry me off to your good friend and especially someone who use to chase me and call me names. He once--”

“So you do remember Garret of Havens.” Simon said in amusement.

“As a matter of fact, I do. I haven’t seen him in years…and you say he is a Marquis?”

“Does that intrigue you?” Simon was smiling.

“It might as well intrigue me…after all, I am going to marry him.”

“You liked him, didn’t you?” He said in amusement.

“What?”

“When you were younger…you liked him.”

Amy started to blush.

“That was then…but we are no longer children anymore. He is probably not as handsome as he was in his younger days…”

“Is that so?”

“I suppose.”

Simon chuckled and for the first time, he felt as if he was doing the right thing. Amy was a prized possession and he had been searching for the prefect man for her to marry. Someone who was just about equal and special as Amy…and then he met Garret Rutherford. He was an honourable man in his early thirties, wealthy…and perfect for Amy. It was then that he mentioned his proposal to Garret, stating that he was searching for a husband. Garret threw back his head in laughter and in complete amusement for he thought he meant otherwise. Fortunately, Garret understood what he asking of him and Garret gladly agreed after hearing what he had to say about Amy.

“I told him you were beautiful…” Simon said abruptly.

“How sweet of you.”

“He agreed even though he hadn’t the chance to see you…I think he is quite certain about you and I find that he possesses a kindred spirit.”

“When do we meet?”

Simon smiled and started to write upon his quill. “We meet with the Marques of Havens on the marrow in the evening. Does that suit you?”

“Yes, it rather does.”

To be continued…
Last edited by Certainly Love on Sat Aug 19, 2006 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sincerely, Amanda R. Holden, Author of Azyea's GIfts
  





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Sat Feb 11, 2006 2:02 pm
backgroundbob says...



I'm not falling for this one, I don't think.

It's well written, which makes it more of a shame; your spelling and grammar are good, your dialgoue is well done, your vocabulary, structure, choice of words all make it smooth reading.

So why have you written a piece like this? Every single sentance, every concept is old, old, old! I saw "I will not marry him" at the beginning, and wanted to cry: there are *hundreds* of stories about boys or girls going into arranged marriages, and how they end up loving their partners and on heroic adventures, or saving one another's lives, or something else unbearably cliche... all the lines about head of the family this, end of childhood that; I can name you half-a-dozen books off the top of my head that run along precisely the same lines, with the same type of characters and probably much the same plot twists.

Your quality of writing seems very, very high. I'm practically begging you to find something more original to write about, because I think if you thought through something new and fresh, it'd be exceptional.

That's my two cents.
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Sat Aug 19, 2006 7:33 am
Ego says...



Ok, I gotta say, this was really well done--great word choices and smooth reading, as Bob said.

Really my only beef with this is the sheer mass of words on the screen--double space your paragraphs, it makes for easier reading.

I don't mind cliches at all, as long as they have their own voice--you really havent given us enough to work with to form a real opinion, so I must encourage you to give us more.

And Bob, I'd love tyo see you give me those dozen stories off the top of your head. Betcha can't do it.
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Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:56 am
Certainly Love says...



Oops, i forgot about the spacing. I'll go and do that. Smile!
Sincerely, Amanda R. Holden, Author of Azyea's GIfts
  





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Sun Aug 20, 2006 2:59 am
Karma says...



Phoenix wrote:Ok, I gotta say, this was really well done--great word choices and smooth reading, as Bob said.

Really my only beef with this is the sheer mass of words on the screen--double space your paragraphs, it makes for easier reading.


I agree completely, and please write more!!!
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