Young Writers Society

Written about a fourteen-year-old Canadian girl for fourteen-year-old Canadian girls.

This is the journal of a soon to be fourteen year old girl, with big dreams, huge dilemmas, a hi-larious group of pals and an awkward love life. This is the truth about Emily.

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The Truth About Emily

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Chapter Uno:
The End of the Past and Soon To Be
The Beginning of the End (the NEXT End)


MINUS 3 DAYS TILL IMPACT

Two more days of school! Ah! Then I only have the rest of the summer before my whole life gets a gigantic make-over. Correction: do-over. And by that I mean: new school + same crowd = new and glorious Emily!

Anyways I suppose it won't be that bad. I will have Mer-mer (Meryl), Lola (Jessica) and Amelia (er … Amelia) to spend the summer with. And the randy Casanova, Monsieur Terry.

I can picture it now a summer full of making out. and huge larfs! Dieu, this is going to be fantastico. I can just imagine it later when I'm an actress I will be Lee Sparenza on the stage and off stage (with my still bestest buds) I will be Emily Myer. Terry and Emily Myer.

Sigh. Sounds fantastic. However I certainly do not plan on having little Terry and Emily's but actually that is quite a shame. I mean Terry and I would have adorable babies. But still children are so not my bag.

I wonder if Terry thinks about our future...

Well must get some sleep. School tomorrow: soon to end.


MINUS 2 DAYS TILL IMPACT

It's over. Apparently.

I knew it was going to happen really. That's right, I knew it. Call it woman's intuition. Call it whatever you want but it happened and I knew it the whole time.

I should've done something but last time I got this Feeling I did the total wrong thing. Have I ever mentioned that time? Okay before Terry there was this guy: Lance. Lance was a great guy, nice totally amazing and everything. But this one night, during an MSN conversation I got this... Feeling. This crazy Feeling. And the Feeling kept squirming around in my head, indestructible. I couldn't kill it. I really couldn't. It was horrible. Oh right – the Feeling was telling me to get rid of Lance. So I did. I was totally wrong about it, of course. Lance was great. We don’t talk too much anymore. I bet he thinks I'm an ice queen or something. Sigh.

Anyways the point is the Feeling returned. So what did I do? I ignored it, like a good little girl. And then –today at school- Terry didn't say anything to me. It was weird.

Generally we talk a bit during lunch. Today I was sitting with Mer and Amelia and the whole group and well we sit in a different room so I got up to go see Terry in the Gym and Mer tagged along. After I was forced to drag her. She must think I'm the bee's itch.

Anyways – we sit in a different room because our crowd knows a teacher who helps with the Special Needs kids. So we sit in there because the room is basically empty and is much better than the gym. We only have a couple of the kids in there too because – erm – actually I don't know about that but yes.

Back to the point though – so Mer and I leave the room and are heading into the gym. I picked up my milk-in-a-pouch and a straw of course. Oh and guess what? Rose was there and she was wearing MY necklace. I got a spikey necklace at a car show awhile back (don't even ask) and SHE was wearing it. I even accused her.

"Hey, Rose," I greeted, calmly.

"Hey," she replied, obviously masking her panic. Because she knew I knew that she KNEW she was wearing MY necklace.

"Where'd you get that necklace?"

"Oh – you know: around." She had a stupid smug smile on her face too.

"Well it kind of looks like my necklace. Remember the one I sort of seemed to misplace when you slept over a week ago."

"Right. Well this can't be that one because I got it when I was at the mall. When I was at 'Le Chateau'.” (Phfft! Everyone knows spiked necklaces aren't even SOLD at 'Le Chateau'. Especially not MY necklace.)

"Oh. Well let me know if you see the other one then, kay?" I concluded with a large fake grin.

"Sure. I'll call you when I find it." Then she pretended that I had already left and started talking to the girl beside her, pretending to talk about the straws or something.

Hmmm – maybe that was a bad omen.

So anyways I have my milk and then Mer and I slowly slink into the gym and there was Terry in all his glourious good looks.

He looked over, saw me, then completely ignored me. He didn't break away from his friends to talk or motion to me or anything.

I felt myself frowning.

"Well – go talk to him then," Mer pressed.

"I can't," I replied, "he doesn't want to talk."

"Uhm – Em, he hasn't said anything. How do you know he doesn't want to talk?"

"I'll call him," I decided looking from Terry to Meryl. I gave her a false smile, feeling that something was up and then we scurried off back to lunch.

Then came the Feeling. So –as I said- I ignored it.

Lunch passed.

History passed (very slowly, might I add).

Music passed.

English passed.

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Will continue chapter when I have the time. Sigh.

Well, this was....rough...

Dieu, this is going to be fantastico.

Don't use french, darling, unless your character is french and I doubt they are. Je ne sais pas...

Well, this went over bad. It was written exactly like a girl's diary (NOT a good thing) the necklace thing, unneeded. You have to remember that diary or not, its still a story and everything has to have a purpose.

We only have a couple of the kids in there too because – erm – actually I don't know about that but yes.

and you ramble. I hate to complain and be mean but this is just no good. If you want to write a diary story (of a fourteen-year-old none the less) you should make the story good, not just daily on-goings. You should also, like I said above, not ramble. It was just very... I'm not sure what word to call it. It could have been better. But, we all write big messes, so my only last statement is good luck going over it! try for something you can actually hold a grasp on. I know you're thinking "But I am/was (it says you're 15) 14! I know 14 year olds!" eh well, true, but that doesn't mean anyone wants to read about it.

Thank-you for the feedback. Now to clear up a few things:

Emily is Canadian and is in the french emersion program at her school. She often times uses french when speaking and in her diary entries.

The necklace was meant to establish a relationship with Rose and Emily. They used to be best friends (hence she acts chummy with her) but are both overly envious of one another.

I honestly didn't mean to ramble so WHOOPS and I will attempt to change that...

This chapter isn't done yet though so I assure you more important things will come into play. This book is supposed to be about changes that happen in Emily's life. Ones that did occur in mine, but Em takes (and recieves) them differently.

Emily is is NOT a replica of myself except for the fact that she likes to act. She is foremost an English and French wiz though. (And actually I'm to be sixteen in a month.)

I disagree--this is NOT mess. It just needs some fixing up.

One thing you want to do is make sure you set up the conflict very early in this story. By that I mean, what is the biggest challenge Emily must overcome in this story? I'm thinking it's not going to be all about Terry (but I could be wrong), so it might not be a good idea to dedicate the first chapter to him. Just something to think about.

Grammar stuff--a few problems, but nothing too life-threatening. I won't go through them all here, but PM me if you, you know, want a full-blown grammar crit (just to warn you: they're kind of scary O.O ).

Anyways I suppose it won't be that bad. I will have Mer-mer (Meryl), Lola (Jessica) and Amelia (er … Amelia)

^ The end of this part got a smile out of me. =)


Claudette is right about the rambling, though; it totally detracts from the story. What you need to do is sit down and pin point exactly what the most important part of this is, then scrap everything else. We don't need to know about the special needs kids, we don't need to know about all the little Terrys and Emilys that are going to be running around. Stick with the plot.

I'd like to see what you can do with this. On your next entry/chapter, just try to focus more. Before you go off on a tangent, say to yourself, "Is this relevant to the story?" If not, don't do it!

Hope I helped.

Thank-you also! I heart feedback!

The main conflict has not been highlighted yet. These first few entries are meant to establish the daily going-ons in Emily's life. Her world will suddenly go topsy-turvy by the end of the next chapter. The main conflict is the huge change in Emily's life. Her suddenly solid pattern deters and is transforming into something foreign. The book is basically her dealing with it: ups and downs and all that jazz. (I'm working on all this currently.)

However this is a romance novel because romance plays a big part in Emily's life and through her summer, and first year of high school, she is romantically tied to just about everyone. Terry is just the beginning.

And thanks again for the crit. and having belief in this trodden down story.

The main conflict has not been highlighted yet. These first few entries are meant to establish the daily going-ons in Emily's life. Her world will suddenly go topsy-turvy by the end of the next chapter. The main conflict is the huge change in Emily's life. Her suddenly solid pattern deters and is transforming into something foreign. The book is basically her dealing with it: ups and downs and all that jazz. (I'm working on all this currently.)

Sounds good. Just as long as you hook the reader, you're in business.

However this is a romance novel because romance plays a big part in Emily's life and through her summer, and first year of high school, she is romantically tied to just about everyone. Terry is just the beginning.

That makes sense now. I just wasn't sure what it was about yet, you know?


And no problem with the crit--it was a fun read. I can't wait to see more.

I just have to say that I love this and I can't wait for more. I'm fourteen and I like to act too, so that made me happy. The story drew me in and I can't wait to see what happens with her and Terry.

as the others said, it needs work. I didn't really notice the rambling (I guess because I'm a natural rambler) and I definitely don't think it was a mess but all feedback is appreciated by a good writer. and you took it like a good writer!

anyway, thanks for sharing this, I can't wait for more!

xoxo
bee

This is just like the ypical teenage girl's diary...with a few added tweaks. I like it.

Grammer is a bit of an issue, but apart from that, this could be promising!

RR*

MORE MORE!!!!

this was pretty good, except i wouldnt no the situtaions in it seeing how im a guy, but yea it sounds really good. C'est bien! its really good


au revoir

I actually really like this, its not the style of writing i usually read but yeah its really good, i got into it. Of course like all peices of writing it needs tweaking, but post some more!

miyaviloves

There are some grammar problems, and I think the part about the necklace was totally unnecessary. However, I did enjoy reading it.

VampX13 wrote:Anyways I suppose it won't be that bad. I will have Mer-mer (Meryl), Lola (Jessica) and Amelia (er … Amelia) to spend the summer with. And the randy Casanova, Monsieur Terry.

Okay, this part, in my opinion, is the worst.
I mean, why would a girl, in her own, personal diary, write her friends real names next to their nicknames. I mean, I don't write "Mousey (Suzanne), Baz (Louise), Osa (Aziza) and Morisama (Anna)" when I write about my friends. I know who they are, after all.

I also agree with Claudette in that you should take out the fangirl French. It just sounds bad. (Fangirl anything sounds bad. French, Japanese, whatever. It's bad. I'm guilty of it, too, but it's bad.)

All that being said, I like the title. It's simple but classy.