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Wed Mar 21, 2007 8:41 am
rosethorn says...



Love is a beach with dark waters and white sand. A boy and a girl decide to get their feet wet in these waters. The boy is brave, perhaps a bit of a show off and wades in up to his waist. Maybe the water is cold. Maybe it's warm. It's hard to tell.

The girl bites her lip and thinks, what if we drown? We're here alone, just the two of us.

The boy splashes her and teases her. Scared?

Oh yeah, she's scared. See, the waves are just the beginning. The waves are unpredictable. They could knock you over or swallow you whole. Or they could gently roll up you. They could keep you going.

But then there are the rocks. Sharp, jagged rocks that can bruise and cut the feet, if not careful. There is no telling where they lay hidden in this endless gray/blue ocean.

And what about those drop-offs? Those bottomless gorges that one miss-step could lead to. Oh, if she falls no one will find her.

Worse. What if he falls? What if she looks up and he's gone? What if she can't find him? What if these waves swallow him whole?

Because what's worse than drowning yourself is watching someone else drown. And not being able to save them.

The boy splashes her again before wading a few steps deeper. He urges her to come in after him.

She turns around and longs for the warmth of the sand, the familiar. She misses building sand castles and collecting sea shells with the boy. But that's baby-stuff.

She turns back to him.

"I can't swim," she says.

"Can't swim? Anyone can swim," he says.

"It's not that I can't. I don't know how."

He grins. "I'll teach you."

"You know how?"

"I know how."

He's a liar, of course. His parents never taught him how to swim. Maybe they tried. But in the end, they could only float. But he likes to come off braver than he is.

And he's always been curious.

The girl steps forward up to her knees. "You won't play rough, will you?"

"Promise."

Maybe just a little further then, she thinks. And she wades in up to her waist.

Together they stand there, shivering at first, adjusting to the water. The girl takes his hand and fits something in it.

A necklace made of seashells they'd collected.

"Don't lose that. No matter what," she says.

He frowns at the necklace. "What's it for?"

She shrugs. "Just to remember...that there is something to go back to."

He smiles and looks back at the shore. "Don't worry. We'll always see land. We won't get lost."

"It's so big," she says, marveling at the size of the water. "What about sharks?"

"Sharks? Just something your mom tells you about to keep you out of the water."

Maybe, she thinks.

He dares to take a few more steps forward.

"Should we really be going this deep already?" The girl asks.

"Why not? We'll have to get our heads wet eventually anyways."

"Why?"

"So we can prove we're not scared," he answers.

She hesitates still. The waves grow higher.

"C'mon, there's treasure out there," the boy says.

"Treasure?"

"All sorts of treasures. Riches you could only dream about."

That sounds nice, she thought. Maybe that’s even worth getting your head wet.

"Alright, but let's go together."

They join hands once more and the girl is surprised to find the boy's hand trembling.

"Promise you won't let go. No matter what," he says.

"Promise," she says.

And so they step forth, hands entwined.
Last edited by rosethorn on Wed Mar 21, 2007 5:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Wed Mar 21, 2007 2:52 pm
Wiggy says...



Loved it. Saw it in your blog, and still loved it. Great job-you should write like this more often!
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

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Wed Mar 21, 2007 5:08 pm
Via says...



I really liked this too, actually! I don't even know why...I just do haha.

The only thing I would say is to take out the "I see love as..." in the beginning and replace it with something resembling "Love is like.." or "Love is.." to make it more familiar to the reader as a story rather than a journal entry.

I did like it though :D

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WM
My Literary and Arts Blog

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Wed Mar 21, 2007 5:58 pm
rosethorn says...



writingluver5, thank you, as always. :D

write me, I also thought about changing that opening statement to "Love is..." because I figure you should always write with authority, yeah?

Suggestion taken.
  





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Thu Mar 22, 2007 4:48 am
Foreseer says...



Oh, I read this and I really liked it. To me, this is something that I could see happening and understand it, you know. I liked the way you began and continued it and eventually slowed down, it almost gave it a sense of mystery. Oh yeah, also liked the way you put the girls thoughts here and there. It helped bring the...mood, I guess you could say. Nice write, can't wait to see what next. :wink:
~*~It's Not Faith If You Use Your Eyes ~*~
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