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Young Writers Society


Masquerade



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Gender: Female
Points: 1618
Reviews: 58
Sat Apr 14, 2007 2:05 pm
vixeyt says...



Doctor Philson pushed open the metal door that led into cell number fourteen. A small woman in the west corner of the cell turned round to face Doctor Philson.

“ Shhhhh.” She placed her finger to her lips. Doctor Philson stood where he was, not moving an inch. He knew that she had more to say.

“ The birdies are singing. Listen. Can you hear there singing?” Doctor Philson listened and could not hear anything. He sighed and shut the cell door. He took a pen out of his white coat and wrote something on his clipboard.

“ Miss May. Miss May, can you hear me?” He asked, speaking loudly and addressing the woman as if she were a child.

“ I can hear you perfectly fine.” She snapped back. As Miss May looked at Doctor Philson he could see the madness in her eyes subsiding and giving way to sense and sanity. Her once beautiful flowing golden brown locks were now dull, matted and resembled a wild jungle. She was still wearing that emerald dress she had worn the night she lost her sanity. The colour was now faded but Doctor Philson could still see some of the beauty the dress had once had. She still wore all of the jewellery that she had worn on the night, all of the emerald, rubies, sapphires, pearls and opals. Opals were considered to be bad luck and Doctor Philson could not help but think that if Miss May had not worn those opals that maybe she wouldn’t be here. That the terrible incident that brought her to where she was now had not occurred. Doctor Philson looked deep into Miss May’s shining amber eyes, so much like a predatory cat, to see the madness regaining control of her.

“ The little birdies are singing for me. They sing for me so only I can hear them.” She giggled in a small and childish way. She laid her hand on the padded wall in front of her and stroked it. Her long, spidery, white hands moving in such a complicated, yet simple way.

“ I wish I could hear those little birdies singing.” Said Doctor Philson in the loud voice that yet again suggested that he were addressing a child.

“ What madness are you talking about? You should be placed in a mental hospital. You look like no Doctor to me. Addressing me like I am a child and prattling on about wishing to hear little birdies singing to you.” Reprimanded Miss May. Doctor Philson made a few notes on his clipboard. Miss May stood up and in one instant she was beside Doctor Philson and had plucked the clipboard from his craps. One of her talon like nails was pointing to each comment she read from the clipboard. When she had finished reading she flung the clipboard at Doctor Philson. Doctor Philson dodged the clipboard and followed it as it skidded along the floor until it reached the metal door. He retrieved the clipboard and made another note on it. Miss May shrieked in anger and flew at Doctor Philson. He opened the metal door and shut it behind him quickly. Miss May’s furious shrieks could be heard and so could her talon like nails, scraping against the door. Doctor Philson shuddered and walked down the corridor to speak to Doctor Margrave, his female colleague.

“ Well, that was very interesting.” He said as Doctor Margrave came out of Linda Meloms cell.

“ What was very interesting?” She asked as she locked Mrs Meloms cell behind her and returned Mrs Meloms wave through the glass in the metal door.

“ I’ve just been visiting Miss May.”

“ Oh. How is the poor dear?” Asked Doctor Margrave.

“ Not very well I’m afraid to say. I came in and she was sitting in the east corner listening to the birds singing.”

“ Birds singing? Oh, that’s always nice to hear. She’s on the mend then?”

“ No. The birds were singing in her head.”

“ Oh dear.”

“ Yes. Anyway, I talked to her about the birds and she reverted to snappish, but sane, Miss May.”

“ Ok then. Carry on.” Doctor Margraves smiled pleasantly.

“ Then she started stroking the wall.”

“ Fine.”

“ Then she reverted to snappish Miss May again who, in a matter of moments became vicious Miss May, after she’d read my notes on the clipboard.”

“ ROLAND!” Doctor Margraves said angrily.

“ What?” Asked Doctor Philson in bemusement.

“ You don’t let your patient read your notes on them. It’s bound to make anyone vicious but you have to be extra careful around Miss May! I think I’m going to be taking her out of your hands soon Roland. You can deal with the patients who have had their minds rotted by drugs. Your good with them.” Doctor Margraves stopped walking and so did Doctor Philson.

“ What happened to her Roland? What happened to make such a beautiful and enchanting young woman into the aged mad old woman she is now?”

“ Remember what happened before she came to us? The big event?”

“ I didn’t know she was at the Masquerade!” Gasped Doctor Margraves. Doctor Philson nodded his head.

“ Do you want to know the best of it?”

“ What?” Asked Doctor Margraves suspiciously.
“ It was her fiancé who killed everyone.”

“ NO!” Said Doctor Margraves in total and utter shock.

“ Yes. Whilst he was killing everyone he sought her out to protect her from what he was doing. When he found her, he dragged her into a room and locked them both in there. She went into that room sane but frightful and horrified and came out insane. No one knows what happened in there.” Doctor Margraves stood where she was for a few moments then opened the metal door to Mark Hedges cell.

“ We are agreed then that I shall be taking Miss May off your hands then Roland?”

“ Yes we are Caroline. Yes we are.” Doctor Margraves shut Mr Hedges cell door behind her and Doctor Philson walked off down the corridor.
The opposite of courage is not cowardice but conformity

Bee is in the house bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
  





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26 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 26
Tue Apr 17, 2007 6:06 pm
astrogemini says...



I like the flow of your writing. It's a little lacking in imagery, but it's really a great start. I'm curious as to what happened at the masquerade. And with any luck you'll be letting me see soon.

I've reread it and I don't know exactly where, but at one point after

ROLAND! Doctor Margraves said angrily.


I got a little lost. Maybe it's just me, but like I said, I like it.
"If you were a ham...I would bake you."
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 14
Wed Apr 18, 2007 2:21 am
snap says...



I really enjoyed it, it was the kind of story that you like to finish because you know nothing will be explained until the very end.

The only thing I noticed was some grammatical and punctuation errors, so you might want to do a once over. Just a comment, when a sentence is directed at someone, you should put a comma before that someone's name.

Example: Yes, we are, Caroline. Yes, we are.
The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.
~ Robert Cormier
  








Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
— Sylvia Plath