z

Young Writers Society


Rushed



User avatar
11 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 11
Sat May 19, 2007 10:36 pm
cheripop says...



[This part has been so tough to write :x Let me know what you think--if you think anything :D ]


V

Students in black gowns swarmed under the bright stadium lights of the football field. They showed diplomas to their parents with huge smiles. The graduates took pictures with each other, examining the results on the back of their digital cameras. Aleesha and Lacie treaded across the grass field together, holding up their gowns so they wouldn’t step on them.

“There’s too many people” Lacie complained, running a hand through her brown hair. “And I don’t see Mike anywhere.”

Aleesha checked her cell phone. “He said he’ll be here.”

“He better. He can’t miss your graduation after you went to his last year. What a way to treat your girlfriend.”

Aleesha agreed that would be awful. Still, she couldn’t see herself getting angry with him for not showing up. Mike wasn’t the type of guy a girl could easily get angry with. Every time she got upset and said something thoughtless, he only made her feel more disappointed in herself than in him.

After a few more minutes, Lacie said that she wanted to take a break. Attempting to find one guy in a crowd of a thousand demanded too much energy.

While briefly taking off her shoes to relieve her sore feet, Lacie said warmly, “I’m so glad this is all over. Think of it. Tomorrow we can go on with our lives. And next Saturday I’m throwing my postgrad bash, and it’s going to be so awesome. There’s going to be a DJ, and everything! You’re coming Aleesha, right?”

“Yeah, I’m your best friend.”

“Great! Some other friends and family will be there too. And after you come to my party, I’ll go to yours. When you’re having it?”

Aleesha swallowed. She wondered how long it would be before she had to tell. The stickiness inside her mouth made it hard to speak. “I--I’m not having a graduation party.”

Lacie gaped, showing her pierced tongue. “What?”

“I’m not having a party because I have other plans. I mean, something else has come up. Lacie, a few days ago, Mike—he proposed to me. And I said ‘yes.’”

Aleesha expected some kind of response from her friend, like an ecstatic “I’m so happy for you!” with a hug, but Lacie just stared with her golden eyes clear, her face wan, and knuckles red from holding the diploma folder too tightly. She was a doll, with little hands hidden by the black wide sleeves of the gown, and grass clippings attached to the hem.

“What do you think?”

Lacie tilted her head to the side, as if that would shift her thoughts back in order. “I—uh—it’s great.” She bit on her lower lip as shallow dimples appeared among her brows.

“Lacie, you’re my best friend, and I’d love for you to be my maid of honor.”

Lacie’s stiffness went away and her glassy eyes were revived as she laughed and shook her head. “I’ve never been in a wedding before.”



VI

Cameras flashed. Those standing watched her pass with awe, whispering to each other and sighing. Aleesha’s statuesque frame flowed well within the gleaming white fabric. It made her dark skin glow along with the happy faces of the bridesmaids and her parents, who were sitting up front. Aleesha knew it was a good idea to have a garden wedding. The scent of orange blossoms could never be enjoyed inside of a building. As she walked down the temporary aisle made of a strip of light pink carpet that laid on top of the lawn, she had the sensation of going nowhere. Her legs were moving, but with each step, her fiancé seemed to drift further away. She didn’t like the idea of marching down the aisle. If she could have had it her way, she would’ve done a sprint from the back right into Mike’s arms. The words, “You may kiss the bride,” couldn’t have come sooner.

During the reception, Aleesha spent most of her time with Mike. Although Lacie sat right next to her, they barely talked. Lacie was constantly in a good conversation with Rory, Mike’s cousin, and Aleesha couldn’t take her attention away from her new husband. They all laughed as they drank the sparkling grape juice—everyone being too young for champagne. The night went on with the first dance and the cake cutting.

Around ten, things began to wind down. Guests began to leave, telling Aleesha’s parents what a wonderful time they had and taking little party favor bags filled with chocolates. On the way out, Aleesha caught up with Lacie.

“Me and Mike are about to leave, but I just wanted to tell you, thanks for coming. I really appreciate you always being there for me.”

“It’s nothing,” said Lacie. She started picking plastic cups up off the lawn. “While you’re on the way to your romantic honeymoon, I’ll be here picking up the trash everyone leaves behind.”

“Hey, don’t make me feel guilty on the happiest day of my life.”

“Don't worry. I'm not cleaning alone. The others in the wedding party are going to help too, and afterwards, the bridesmaids and me are going to the club. It’s still Saturday night.”

“What? I’ve never heard of bridesmaids going clubbing after a wedding.”

“It's still early. Why not?”

Before Aleesha could answer, Mike called for her. Lacie set the stack of dirty cups on the table and gave Aleesha a crooked smile. Aleesha gave her friend a hug.

“We’ll keep in touch, okay?”

“Alright.”

Next thing, Mike had her hand in his, and they were running to the limo. The faces of friends and family were a blur of waving hands and loud voices. Aleesha cherished the thought that unlike the bridesmaids, she didn’t have to search for other methods of fulfillment. In the next few days, she will have pleasure in ways they couldn’t begin to imagine. Mike opened the limo door, and she jumped in the back, full wedding dress billowing around her like white cotton candy. He closed it behind them. The honeymoon commenced.

***Now Aleesha and Mike are starting a new life together. Will it turn out well, or was it all just too soon? Find out when I post the next part. :wink: ***
cheripoprocks at www.freewebs.com/popwriter
And check out Omnigirl, my new e-book series. Download it free at www.lulu.com/content/807907
  





User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 790
Reviews: 2
Mon May 21, 2007 8:20 pm
CrazedCOCONUT says...



I liked it... I MARK THIS SPACE FOR CRITTING LATER!!!

Anyways, I thought it was slightly rushed. I could definitely see Aleesha's point of view. It was well done, but it was rushed at the same time. And what's Mike's personality like? She explained some... but other than that, I don't really know. Put some dialogue in his part. Other than that... it was good. Kudos!
  





User avatar
402 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1586
Reviews: 402
Tue May 22, 2007 1:42 am
Wiggy says...



This was definitely rushed (apt name for a title lol). Aleesha just seemed to be like oh wow, I'm getting married. Normally she would be more excited, and wouldn't she have told her best friend sooner?

I can't wait to hear the rest!
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

Got YWS?
  








I think I have thankfully avoided being quoted.
— Lavvie