Young Writers Society

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This is one of the best things I've read on YWS and way it's written is so expertly making clever refrences. The refrences make it funny. I saw nothing majorly bothering me. You kept me reading. I don't like Main Character that would of usually stopped me, but no I actaully wanted to know about them. I look forward to reading more pm me once you've got more =).

Good Luck

VSN

First off, this needs a rating so either you or a helpful mod needs to add one. Lol. If only I had a cookie for every time I've said that...

Anyway, this was generally very good with some decent characters, an interesting plot and a good dash of humour. I think your description and some of your dialogue need work but that's where my specific suggestions come in -

[Quote deleted at original author's request]

Overall, I think you have a good start here and it certainly has lots of potential but you need to tidy it up a bit and you need to add that rating.

Oh my gosh, I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this, it sounds super and you've structured it well. It's rather saucy though, isn't it? Hehe. I like how you've placed the "sex scene" in the prologue - it;s always a grip to the reader, especially if it;s at my school; we tend to only read a book if it has a sex scene in.

Kitty has pointed out that you have made some typos with the word; "me/my", but I don't think this is a typo, right? Is it her accent, seen as though we're from England, I'm sure we understand this concept more than other people.

But, she has pointed out that you've used lower case I's and this needs to be corrected because then it gives yur piece a more professional look. Also, proofread your work to look for those spelling and grammar mistakes; just so you don't have reviews correcting everything you've written.

Altogether though, I loved this and would be happy if you let me know when you post the rest, as I'd like to read more.

Yeah, I did think the 'me' might be a bit of phonetics to show her accent but, one word isn't enough for an accent. It's better to change more of the character's vocabulary if you want to give them a different way of speaking.

You seriously need to proofread this, and hire a copy editor.

Of course, this belongs in the romantic section, we all know that. But you seem to rush through the evening/night/basically everything and just "tell", not "describe".

If you don't want this to be erotica, it doesn't matter. At least emphasise a few details. You want this to be romantic? Work on the details.

This was a great piece of work! Usually when I see something that long, I tend to run and hide, but I just kept reading! Just add some more details, make it juicy! Can't wait for more, I'll be following it. =]