Young Writers Society

She talks to me, waves to me, and smiles at me. so why do I still fear the thought of answering, or even looking at her without having to look away in case she sees me?
Why is it so hard to ignore the butterflies in my stomach, and just listen to the voice in my head that tells me to pour my heart out to her?
Sure it's nice to watch her from a far, but I would love to talk to her; to hear the sound of her beautiful voice fill my head with wonder and amazement.
If only it were that simple.

Short, sweet, and amazing. I liked it. One critique, and it's that the word "encase" means, I believe, to put something inside a case. What you are looking for here is "in case." Awesome job, keep writing!

Hey there! Like SassyKat said, encase should be in case. I don't know if you left it that way for effect, but after a period, the next letter should be uppercase. Thank's for sharing, your writing comes from the heart. I enjoyed reading it because I often enjoy writing similar pieces of my mind, normally I'm too paranoid to share them, so again; thanks. Just curious, is this piece just something you randomly wrote in view of a character, or is it the way you actually feel inside? I know nothing is ever simple, but sometimes our greatest regret is doing nothing.
~DakotaKnight

I actually really liked this. It was really short, but you still managed you put a lot of emotion in this. Of course I think that you could expand on this, but if you only wanted it this short then that is fine too. I loved the way you ended off with:

If only it were that simple.

I know whenever I watch dating movies or read books with all these cute couples I think the same thing. Life just isn't as simple as media makes it seem. I thought that this made your story very relatable. I just think it would be more powerful if you expanded more on what you want to be simple. I think this story could still use more.

Also I think you should rephrase this sentence:

So why do I still fear the thought of answering, or even looking at her without having to look away encase (in case) she sees me?

It is okay, but kind of awkward to read. I like what you are saying, but just re-word it a bit.

Overall, great work here! I loved the piece and the emotion within it!

Thank you for all your comments!

And by the way DakotaK, at the time it was something I felt inside.

This is really great! It's concise and clear, and everyone can relate to it. Just one nit-pick: "A far" is actually one word. It should be "afar." I like this idea, and I like how your ending is so simple and effective, but to me it would work better if you expanded on why it isn't so simple. You ask earlier in the piece the same question, and to me it seems like you should include that somehow. We can assume all we want, but every situation is specific. What's holding him back?

Hey there!

I think this piece has potential. It's realistic, which is what makes it a joy to read. I'm sure almost everyone has been in the same situation as the MC is in here. If only life were simple

I think this piece needs more, though. I want to know more about the relationship between the two characters. Are they best friends? Do they know each other well, or are they just in a class together? How long has the crush gone on? etc What you have at the moment is almost a skeleton of a story that needs to be fleshed out. The emotion is great, but there could be more. You could maybe add in a bit where the MC thinks about what life would be like if they never admitted their feelings or what it would be like if they did. How would it make them feel?

I hope this helps!

xDudettex

Haha I love this. It's short, sweet, and fantastic.
Soooooo many people can relate to this, so a broad audience will love it!
I love your last line! It just wraps your story up so nicely! Wow I don't even know what to say- that is how much I liked this!

~Ktg

P.S. Feel honored- you got my 50th review!

"simplicity is the best asset of beauty"
as what my favorite teacher says..

and this story was the best example of it
nice