Young Writers Society

This is my contest entry. This is one of my favourite songs written as a story; Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's. Everyone wish me luck!

The clock on the mantelpiece started to chime seven o’clock as the owner of said clock, and the whole flat, moved from his kitchen to his living room. A large cup of cocoa was well grasped in one hand and a cheap laptop in the other. Setting both down on the newly cleaned coffee table (everything was pushed off it and on to the floor) he shuffles it closer to the couch before attempting to make himself presentable in the living room mirror. He gently pulls a comb through his curly, black hair to try and tame the mess but ends up making it more frizzy then neat. Thinking of it as a failed attempt he runs a hand over his face and checks there is no food in his teeth before straightening out his new hoody. The laptop starts to beep violently and, after having one last glimpse of himself in the mirror, he settles himself on the couch inbetween two cushions. Leaning forward he pops open the laptop lid and clicks the web cam button. The new window opens on the screen and before him appears the video stream of a young woman, his woman, dressed up in her favourite halter neck, black dress with her chestnut hair lightly curled and framing her face. A soft smile graces her peach lips as he stares speechlessly at her, all breath stolen from his body.

“James? Are you OK?” she asks, secretly pleased that she achieved such a reaction from him. Her strong English accent had a slight American tint to it, showing how long she had been there for.

“Hey there Delilah.” He manages to squeak out and the room is filled with the sweet sound of her laughter. After a slight pause and a quick smirk from her, a proper sentence finally adorned his lips. “I might be a thousand miles away from you, Delilah, but you manage to take my breath away ever time I see you. You look beautiful.” She laughed again and he decided that he loved it when she did that.

“Thank You. I don’t want to disappoint you but I’m actually going out in a bit with some friends, but I wanted to speak to you before I went so I decided to get dressed up first.” She whispered the last part, like it was a secret for them to share. He stared into her hazel eyes, a slight look of shock and worry showing on his face but leaving as quickly as it came. Deciding to play this like he was alright with the idea of his girlfriend going out partying in America, he leaned back into the couch and grinned at her.

“Going out, huh? In New York or are you actually going to venture outside the city? You know you’re going to have to visit other cities while you’re over there” They both laughed at this. She had been there for almost a year now and she hadn’t left New York once. Delilah rolled her eyes at him, still chuckling slightly.

“We’re going to Times Square and I will go other places as well! Just you wait and see.” She laughed again, almost doubting her own words.

“Well, believe me when I say that Times Square can’t shine as bright as you. Especially when you’re dressed like that.” He gave her a cheeky grin, which turned into a full on smile when a soft blush decorated her cheeks.

“I wish you were here with me though, James. I’d love for you to come and see Times Square with me.” She whispered, knowing that that was the line which was going to spark off another one of those conversations. James bowed his head and let out a quiet sigh. He didn’t want to have this discussion again.

“Don’t worry about the distance. I’m right here, you can phone me up anytime you want and I’ll come running. And if there is some stupid reason that I can’t, do what you used to do. Listen to my songs, my voice, and close your eyes. Imagine that I’m by your side.” Woops, that was the wrong thing to say. Nice going James.

“But that’s the problem! You aren’t by my side. I haven’t seen you in ages, not in person, anyway.” She cried, saying it like speaking over web cam every night and phoning each other every morning wasn’t good enough. Who are we kidding, thought James, this isn’t good enough. But what can we do about it? Looking back at the screen again he saw her desperately trying to stop herself from crying. For his benefit or her make-ups he didn’t know and probably didn’t want to.

“Look, I know it’s hard. Please believe when I say that someday we will be together and have the life we knew we would. I’ll even pay the bills with my guitar.” He smiled at her and she smiled back, lightening the mood. He loved her, he really did and he didn’t want it to be this hard for her. She looked away again and tried to excuse herself as tears started to roll down her cheeks.

“I’ve got to go or I’m going to be late. I’m sorry James. I’ll speak to you again tomorrow.” She went to get up but he stopped her, not wanting her to go. He didn’t want her to leave without being reassured that it would be OK. He didn’t want to end this conversation like all of the others. He wanted, no he needed, to tell her the truth of how he really felt. It was the only way he could see to keep this relationship on a steady path.

“Delilah wait, I’ve got so much left to say. Just hear me out before you go, please? You can wait a few minutes.” He waited anxiously and inwardly sighed in relief when she nodded sadly and sat back down. Reluctantly she lifted her head and stared at him with watery eyes. “I love you with all my heart and if every song that I wrote for you would take your breath away just like you took mine away tonight I’d write every single one I could think of.” She blushed again and a short lived laugh came from her lips, short lived, but a laugh all the same. “I know a thousand miles seems pretty far at the moment but there are planes and trains and cars. I’d walk to you if I had no other way.” He knew that she’d interrupt him there and say how silly he was being and make some quip about walking on water, but he carried on before she could. “And I know that’s crazy and our friends would all make fun of us for it, but you know what? We’d just laugh along because we know that none of them have ever felt this way.” Delilah blushed more and the tears that fell down her cheeks weren’t ones of sadness anymore, they were ones of love and happiness. She looked at the clock again, a quarter past seven, and went to say that she was going to be late only to find him staring intently at her. “OK, Delilah. You be good and don’t start missing me. Two more years and you’ll be done with school and me and my guitar will be making history. We’ll meet up again and we can do whatever we want to. Everything I do, you know it’s all for you, because I love you.” She nodded, smiled and leaned forward to kiss the screen at the same time he did. Their love was true and they both new it. They bid their reluctant goodbyes and James watched silently as the web cam window went blank. He rested his head on the back of the sofa and sighed, it’s going to be a long two years.

Her strong English accent had a slight American tint to it.

Thank you.

In New York or are you actually going to venture outside the city?

“We’re going to Times Square and I will go other places as well! Just you wait and see.”

'As well' that night? Or later? You should clarify a bit.

For his benefit or for her make-up (I deleted ', he didn’t know and probably didn’t want to' from the end of this sentence... It was kind of unnecessary.).

She blushed again and a short lived laugh came from her lips - small, but a laugh all the same.

Their love was true and they both knew it.

Great job with this. It was really cute and I could see where all the lyrics were incorporated into the story. Although he seemed a little sing-y for a guy I guess that's just his personality. Also, you could add more to his character and the setting. It's a little blunt right now with all the dialogue. But, you did do pretty good with Delilah.

Good job Midnight, and good luck in the contest.

Keep writing,
Alzora

Ohmylord I loved this so much. I absolutely LOVE the Plain White T's and this song. It was amazing that you could write this story so true to the lyrics and intent of the song. I liked how you made them sturggle with the conflict of being seperated. It wouldn't be as true to the song if you didn't. Well done, my friend.

-Charlotte Grace

Hello there!

I LOVE songfic. Like, you have no idea. So naturally I was drawn to this when I saw the title was a Plain White Ts song, and my favorite one especially. Well, besides they're new one maybe. But this isn't the point.

I hope you don't mind if I point out more grammatical errors than actual plot suggestions. I'm just more into that, and I like helping people with their writing ability, not so much the way they choose to write it, if that makes sense. It made more sense in my head.

Setting both down on the newly cleaned coffee table (everything was pushed off it and on to the floor), he shuffles it closer to the couch before attempting to make himself presentable in the living room mirror.

Thinking of it as a failed attempt, he runs a hand over his face and checks that there is no food in his teeth before straightening out his new hoody.

Leaning forward, he pops open the laptop lid and clicks the web cam button.

Looking back at the screen again, he saw her desperately trying to stop herself from crying.

When you start a sentence with an -ing phrase, you must add a comma after the phrase.

The new window opens on the screen, and before him appears the video stream of a young woman, his woman, dressed up in her favourite halter neck black dress with her chestnut hair lightly curled and framing her face. A soft smile graces her peach lips as he stares speechlessly at her, all breath stolen from his body.

I loved this description, first of all. "The new window opens on the screen" and "before him...." are both independent sentences, and therefore a comma is needed in between them, and I took the comma out in between "favourite halter" (I'm not used to spelling it with a u!) and "black," because it's not needed. And that reminds me, in between is two words.

“Hey there Delilah,” he manages to squeak out, and the room is filled with the sweet sound of her laughter.

You're using a verb of speaking here, so it needs a comma inside the quotes, not a period.

She laughed again, and he decided that he loved it when she did that.

Same rule as earlier. No need to explain things twice.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but I’m actually going out in a bit with some friends. I wanted to speak to you before I went, though, so I decided to get dressed up first.”

Too many buts in one sentence to sound right.

"You know, you’re going to have to visit other cities while you’re over there.” They both laughed at this. She had been there for almost a year now, and she hadn’t left New York once.

I'm guessing the forgotten period was an accident, seeing you didn't neglect it anywhere else.

“We’re going to Times Square. But I will go other places as well! Just you wait and see.”

I would put a period there instead of comma before the but that I added, but that's just my style. You can put a comma or period. Whatever suits you at the moment.

I’m right here, you can phone me up anytime you want, and I’ll come running.

Already explained.

For his benefit or her make-up's he didn’t know, and probably didn’t want to.

I don't know how to explain this one, because I think this is just my preference, not necessarily a rule....

I’m sorry, James.

“Delilah, wait, I’ve got so much left to say.

I can't remember what this rule was called, but there has to be a comma before someone's name if you're addressing them.

“I love you with all my heart, and if every song that I wrote for you would take your breath away, just like you took mine away tonight, I’d write every single one I could think of."

Whew. That was a long sentence without any punctuation.

She blushed again, and a short lived laugh came from her lips. Short lived, but a laugh all the same.

I personally like fragments sometimes, just to give an extra touch. To emphasize something.

Two more years and you’ll be done with school, and me and my guitar will be making history.

They bid their reluctant goodbyes, and James watched silently as the web cam window went blank.

Already explained.

All in all, this was adorable and sad all at the same time. I love all the descriptions in it that help create the image in your head. Those are always nice, so the reader isn't totally making everything up. Nice job with the emotions and descriptions, then!

Hope I wasn't to harsh on the grammar. I just like correcting things....

Please continue to write songfics?
~Lee-Anna

Oh, and good luck!