Young Writers Society

Well hey there, TTF2!! lol Like I said, I've read this before and I never reviewd. Woops! lol I loved it left and right. FANTASTIC!

*applauds*

I take my hat off to you...even though I have no hat. lol

Hey guess what, I laughed. This made me laugh out loud, not that lame lol kind that you just write to let the other person know you thought what they said was funny. Laughing. out. loud.

Which means you did great ^^ Now then, time for my critique.

TellATaleFor2 wrote:Its official, no one has it worse than me.

Turn its into it's.

TellATaleFor2 wrote:Dear God…, Cross saw me in boxers singing “Some Girls” by J.C. Chasez in the middle of Wal-Mart.

Okay, I vote you take out the ellipses after God (...) and leave the comma. On a very teenybopper note (I loved N*Sync when they were popular, I was 7 so sue me!) Is that really how you spell J.C.'s last name? I kept thinking it was spelled differently.

TellATaleFor2 wrote:First of all, Cross Taylor knows my name. Hold on a minute while I bask in my euphoria.
-Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala-
Ok, I’m done.

*Laughs*

TellATaleFor2 wrote:Can you believe I was rambling on like that? It was like Rapid fire! I was literally talking a mile a minute. And Craig! Craig died when I was NINE! Why on God’s green earth would I call Cross Taylor, Craig?!?
Someone please shoot me!

Funny part here, though I don't think rapid needs to be capitalized.

TellATaleFor2 wrote:So Cross works in the sports department and I work in the gaming department

I do hope by gaming department you mean videogames, if that's the case I have a new favorite heroine

TellATaleFor2 wrote:Nate looked at me, “Cross was right you are pretty cool.” My mouth literally dropped open. Had I heard correctly? Had Nate just said that Cross Taylor had called me cool? Cross Taylor talks about me? Cross Taylor talks about me with his friends? Nate Wright and Cross Taylor talk about me together? Nate Wright and Cross Taylor think I’m cool? I need to get outta here before I have a spaz attack in front of Nate. That would so ruin my new “cool” status.

I couldn't stop laughing at this part.

TellATaleFor2 wrote:“Wow. Cross never mentioned how funny you are”

You need a period after are.

TellATaleFor2 wrote: “You know Autumn, you’re really funny”.

Put the period inside the quotations.

Okay that's the end of that. So most of this was praise for the hilarious sections and my being a grammar nazi. Sorry ^^() I really enjoyed this first part!

LUNA

It was like Rapid fire!

“rapid” wouldn’t have a capital letter I don’t think!

“Cross was right you are pretty cool.”

try “Cross was right (full stop) You are pretty cool”. It would sound better and easier to read.

whom you barley know.

Find out how to spell barely!

I am not usually interested in this kinda thing but this was hilarious! I loved it! Soooooooo funny, you have a real talent to make people laugh. If you posted more, I am almost certain people would fall over themselves to read it! And I am not joking! I was crying cause I was laughing so hard!

There were a couple of spelling mistakes and a couple of grammar issues, which I have pointed out above, but nothing terrible and easily overlooked!

Well done! I can’t wait to see more!

1. Autumn appears to be on a permanent sugar high. No offense, but the narration moves very fast and at times it is hard to follow. Also, it feels very rushed and there is not enough narration to make the action stick together...if you know what I mean -_-While I understand that this craziness is part of Autumn's charm, I would advise slowing it down a couple of notches to allow the reader time to get familiar with Autumn and her world.

I disagree. If you slowed down, it might become boring ruin the charm of Blake. And to tell you the truth, I am constantly on a sugar high!

But I do agree when Bubblewrapped asked about who Blake is. I am interested, does she have any siblings? Where does she live? Is she rich? Poor? Is she smart and good at her school work? Or completely hopeless?

Get the picture?

Happy writing!
Yours
BlackDove

you captured the real mind of a teenager head over heels in love. or...so she thinks.

my favorite one ever. and u wrote this in career pathways class. XD

Yes. I loved reading such diaries, though I think the genre's become somewhat of a cliche.

I agree with KingKamor, about the sentence structure, and yes, you do need to paragraph so as to not add confusion to the reader's behalf.

And....BubbleWrapped has basically everything that I was going to say covered.

But I'd rate this a 7 out of 10, mainly because of the quirky sense of humor you've given the narrator. Good job on that.

I thought you created a character I could defintely relate to. I liked how you didn't try to pretend like Autum knew it all andcould get any guy she wanted. I loved the humor also. But you need to fix your tenses[ past ans present]. And start new paragraphs where a new character speaks. Besides that good job.