Great piece- the voice is really strong, and the situation is unfolded very well. I would think about making the main character more human- stress his loving side, how he really just wants them both to be happy. Crazy people who are hopelessly human are always the best characters.
This was so good. I enjoyed the mixed feelings here where he loves a girl and have home life issues where he doesn't want to return home. Though I did see one problem with the spelling at the end. When he kicks the dead body isn't the word supposed to be "Shook" and not "Shake" sorry i would quote it but I'm not very good with this site yet
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Points: 719
Reviews: 562