Young Writers Society

i LOVED IT!!!!! no, seriously! it was THAT good!!!! of course it's a short story, but, i still think you should give more detail, it's like hanging a bone in front of a dog, the bone is nice and all, but what that dong REALLY want's is a nice, bug, juicy, meaty steak!!!!!!! I’m that dog, i don't want the 'bare minimum' i want a story i can sink my teeth into! then again, that's why i don't spend too much time in the 'short story' Colum! heh.....

Hey there! I reallllllly enjoyed this though there were a few minor problems. Like someone said, you shouldve stated whether or not it was a girl or guy, im thinking guy haha. But yea. Great detail and it was really a great story! Keep writing!!

i really really really like this story i thought that it was so sad but that is what made it good!!! i realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this. hey check out my storys to!!!!!!! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LUV IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awwwhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! So cute!!!! Emotion was weaved into every word; I almost started crying. It's so beautiful!
At first I thought it was a girl writing, but then Amy came and.. lol it was kind of clarified, so maybe clarify it a little more?

Yet, Leslie, our baby has brown black ones.

Just like yours.

I love you so much, sweetheart and I knew you would come back to me.

This part, right here, is. so. perfect. Great job!

Ello! Let me just say that I LOVE this story! It was so sweet and sad that I almost cried. I also like how you told it through a diary, very creative. Bravo! LOL.

Flute <3

While I think this was written beautifully and I love the voice of your poor MC, I can't help but agree with Snoink on several points. Namely, how does he not see getting remarried and having a child with another woman cheating, if he's still so in love with Browneyes? And again, what was the depth of his relationship with Browneyes? What was it that made him so devoted to her?
I feel very sorry for Amy, especially if she's aware of her husband's attachment to his dead wife. In this, I find the story to be depressing. Not the fact that the MC's wife died and he missed her, but the fact that he's in such denial about the loss of her that he can't even say he feels passionately about his current wife. See what I'm saying? Basically, I feel bad for Amy rather than the narrator.
The ending confused me. It was a good idea honestly, though it could've definitely been executed better. The way it's written it seems like the baby is a reincarnation of the wife, and the MC even refers to her that way. It's weird because we know that he has passionate feelings about his dead lover, and it seems like he has those same feelings for his daughter now (since she's the same person). But I don't need to say this since Snoink and Gryphon have said it already, just so's you know that the ending can be interpreted in a bad way (unfortunately).
In order to avoid the misinterpretation in the future, I'd just suggest reading through your story one last time when you're finished, but with a completely objective mind. Like they say in my journalism class, "Read it as if you haven't already edited and read through it 500 times." That way you can catch things that might make a sweet story sour.

<3
Megan