z

Young Writers Society


Truth Or Dare?



User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 78
Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:34 pm
bkwrm says...



Chapter Eight

Phoebe looked up at Charlie’s house nervously. Between them, she and Charlie had decided that as they had heard Sasha and her friends were going to the cinema tonight they should go too. They knew Melissa would be there and if she saw them together she wouldn’t be able to resist telling everyone. Taking a deep breath Phoebe walked slowly up to the door.

She knocked gently and stepped back. She could hear someone rushing to the door. It burst open to reveal Charlie’s older sister Maddy. Maddy was in university now, but it was only an hour’s train ride away, so she preferred to live at home and just travel there in the mornings.

Maddy greeted Phoebe with a harried smile saying, “Charlie’s in his room. Just go straight up.” With that she closed the door and hurried back into the study, where she was working. Phoebe grinned and wandered up the stairs. As her foot came down upon the final step, Charlie’s head poked out from behind his bedroom door. “Hi Phoebe. Come in,” he said.

Walking into his room Phoebe was immediately overwhelmed by the clutter. There were schoolbooks littered over the floor and clothes strewn everywhere. Phoebe looked about her in dismay as Charlie hunted through the messy piles for a jacket. “How on earth did you’re room end up this messy?” she asked incredulously, “It’s like a pigsty in here!”
Charlie looked up sheepishly. “I kind of forgot to put everything away,” he explained.
Phoebe simply stared at him.

Eventually, Charlie found a jacket and they climbed into his car. They drove along, not speaking while the radio blared out. Phoebe watched the road go by, deliberately avoiding looking at Charlie. She really didn’t want to end up getting into an argument with him just before Sasha and her mates saw them and she knew that if she began a conversation with him it would soon degenerate into an argument – it always did.

Arriving at the cinema they saw that their plan was going to pay off. Sasha, Melissa, Natalie and Emma were stood just inside the doors, deep in discussion. Seeing them, Emma turned squealing, “Oh my God! Hi! Aww, you two look so cute together. You’re such a perfect couple.”
“Hi Emma,” Charlie grinned wolfishly, “You aren’t looking so bad yourself.”
“Charlie if you don’t stop flirting with other girls you are sitting on your own,” Phoebe told him.
Charlie smiled. “Yeah but then you’d be on your own too – and you wouldn’t want that now would you?”
Phoebe sighed. “See you,” she said to the girls before walking off.

Charlie grinned at Sasha. “She won’t billy me,” he assured her, “she likes me far too much.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Sasha answered him.
“Just wait,” he told her, “any minute now and she’ll be back.”
He wasn’t wrong. Phoebe returned, took him by the arm and leading him away while saying, “I know you think I shouldn’t let him get away with it but I’m afraid he’s right – I don’t want to be on my bill either.”

Sasha shook her head at them, laughing. “One day he’s going to end up dumped if he doesn’t clean up his act,” she remarked to her friends.
Melissa nodded her agreement fervently. “Do you reckon it’s too soon to start predicting a break up?” she enquired.
Natalie groaned. “Oh for fuck’s sake! Don’t you think about anything else apart from gossiping?”
“Of course I do,” Melissa replied stung. “ I care about my boyfriend don’t I?”
“Oh don’t argue. Let’s just go find our seats,” Sasha pleaded.

Whilst they looked for their seats, Phoebe was fuming. How dare he do that? she thought furiously, Now Melissa’s going to tell everyone that I’m desperate!
Blissfully unaware of this Charlie was inwardly congratulating himself on how well they’d pulled it off. There’s no way anyone’s going to suspect that it’s all for a dare if we keep it up, his mind crowed jubilantly.

Chapter Nine

Adam gulped nervously. He looked back at his friends. They were waving to him from beside the group of trees at the edge of the field. Smiling Leanne mouthed, “Go on.”
Why, oh why, did I say I’d do this? Adam berated himself. How stupid he was. He should have known that they’d do this. Now, if he wanted to get the tickets, he would have to suffer complete and utter humiliation. It was so unfair of his friends to play with his feelings this way! He knew, he just knew, that he wouldn’t ever be able to live this down. There was no way that the gang would ever drop it.

“Hey Sash, look who it is,” Natalie said, nudging her friend and pointing out the approaching Adam.
“What does he want?” Jen sniffed.
“He’s my friend,” Sasha protested.
Melissa looked over at Adam and smirked knowingly. “Oh yeah, sure,” she said, wearing a smug expression that made the usually peaceful Sasha want to punch her. Emma looked at her sharply and she melted into the wall. “I was only joking,” she murmured.
“Good,” Emma replied.

“Sasha can I have a word?” Adam asked as he reached the group.
“Yeah sure. Just a sec,” Sasha replied, gathering her things together and following him to stand a little way off from her friends, wondering curiously what he wanted. He fixed his gaze upon her and she felt her heart leap. Maybe, just maybe…. But no. It wouldn’t happen. He just didn’t feel that way about her.

“Sasha,” Adam began nervously.
“Yes Adam?”
Taking a deep breath he continued, “Will you, I mean do you want…?” He tailed off helplessly. She watched him, desperately wanting to know if he’d been about to say what she thought he’d been about to say. “Sasha will you go out with me?” Adam finally blurted. Sasha screamed delightedly, throwing her arms around his neck. Adam was taken aback. In fact, he was absolutely stunned.

“I’ve been waiting ages to hear you say that,” Sasha explained.
“I thought you’d say no.”
“Why?”
“Because cool popular girls like you don’t go out with guys like me.”
“What?! Girls like me don’t go out with handsome, caring, thoughtful guys? That seems a little unfair on girls like me.”
“But I’m not any of those things.”
“Yes you are. You’re wonderful.”
“Do really think so?”
“Well duh. I think you are the most perfect boy I’ve ever met!”

Adam blinked. He paused. He blinked again. He took a deep breath and smiled. His smile became a joyous laugh. Amazed at his own good luck, he picked Sasha up and spun her around. When he stopped he didn’t let go. He couldn’t. He wanted to hold her forever. Sasha looked at his delighted face and she just couldn’t help herself. She pressed her lips to his, sliding her arms around him. As they kissed fireworks exploded in her mind. For a moment the world became a more beautiful place. When they stopped Sasha felt as if she'd been in heavan and was now back on Earth, only just realising how empty of joy Earth was. She realised there was only one cure. She started kissing him all over again.

Chapter Ten

Phoebe beamed around at the gang as they hooted and cheered. They’d been watching Adam do his dare and now they were watching its conclusion with delight. Everyone in school had known for ages that Sasha and Adam were perfect for each other and now, finally, they knew it too.

Checking her watch, Phoebe decided that now would be a good time to leave. As she began to depart, Charlie caught her arm and stopped her in her tracks. “Hey Phoebe,” he said, “You can’t go yet.”
“Why not?” she enquired acidly.
“Because we haven’t decided what you and I have to do yet.”
“I already know. We have to get off. Can I go now?”
He shrank under the force of her angry stare. “I was just trying to… Well it doesn’t matter. I mean like – you know – whatever.”

Spinning angrily on her heel Phoebe walked away, trying to conceal her annoyance from the people she passed. She didn’t want anyone thinking that everything was not perfect with her and Charlie – she really wanted those tickets. Who does he think he is? she demanded, Who is he trying to kid? First he thinks he can get away with humiliating me then he wants to order me around. Well there’s no way I’m letting him off.

Chapter Eleven

Joe eyed Jess nervously. Now that Sasha and Adam had got together he was beginning to think that maybe the same thing could happen to him with the girl he fancied. Maybe she would turn out to fancy him back. Or maybe not. Anyway, he mused, it’s worth a try. Gathering up all his courage he wandered over to her. “Can I have a word?” She shrugged and followed him away from the gang. Once they were too far away for anyone to overhear, Joe began to speak.

“The thing is … Well I really like you. I mean it. And I was just wondering if you might maybe like me back?”
Jess watched him pityingly. “I don’t want to get into a relationship.”
“Why not?” Joe demanded, genuinely puzzled.
Jess explained, “Relationships are too complicated. You start getting jealous or you worry about the tiniest things in case they mean you get dumped. They’re too much like hard work.
“But you went out with Charlie.”
“That’s different. That’s the whole point of going out with him. There are no strings attached. You don’t have to worry about anything. If you can’t make it to something there’s no problems. If you get off with someone else, why should he care? It’s different in a real relationship.”
“If you go out with me I can be like that,” Joe promised desperately.
“You say it now but you wouldn’t be able to do it. Think about it Joe – if you saw me with another guy you’d get jealous. Maybe you wouldn’t do anything about it. Maybe you’d put up with it. But it would be there all the time and it would get worse. It would end up poisoned and ruined. So don’t try to kid yourself.”

Joe stared at her mournfully. “So that’s a no?” he asked hopelessly.
“Yes it is. I’m sorry Joe. I do like you. It’s just that I’m not good staying faithful. I just know if I went out with you I’d end up spoiling it and then I wouldn’t even have your friendship. I couldn’t live with that.” Nodding glumly, Joe watched her as she walked back to the gang.

He didn’t feel as upset as he could have felt. She’d said that she liked him. She’d even hinted that she might actually go out with him – it was just that she was worried about not being able to stop herself from cheating on him and spoiling it. Well, if that’s the problem I’ll just have to convince her otherwise, Joe decided. Eventually if I keep on bugging her, she’ll have to change her mind. And then hello heaven!
Last edited by bkwrm on Mon Mar 12, 2007 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





User avatar
166 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Male
Points: 10240
Reviews: 166
Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:11 pm
Charlie II says...



Lol, it's refreshing to read something different like this :) .

Just a few points:

“Oh yeah, sure,” she said, wearing an all-knowing expression that made the usually peaceful Sasha want to punch her.

I don't really think that this fits here. I had a play with it and I think a 'smug expression' would be good. It's your choice, try out different words and find out what you like best.

“Sasha will you go out with me?” Adam finally spat out.

I think 'spat' seems a little too vicious for a moment like this! Try 'spluttered' or some other word, it stops the attention being taken away from what's happening.

Adam blinked. He paused. He blinked again. He took a deep breath. He smiled. His smile tuned into a grin. His grin became a joyous laugh.

I see what you're trying to do here, but I think it may be a little too much. I think you'd get away with merging the sentence I put in italics although you could probably do more.

When they stopped Sasha felt like a deflated balloon.

Erm, I think there has to be a slightly nicer way of putting that! It's an awesome moment and you don't want to spoil it. Maybe saying she felt 'empty' (because that's what you're saying with the deflated balloon simile) would be better. Your choice.

She realised there was only one cure. She started kissing him all over again.

This part is awesome! A wonderful 'feel good' moment!

Everyone in school had known for ages that Sasha and Adam were perfect for each other and now, finally, they knew it too.

*grins* What a great way to say it!


Like I said at the beginning, refreshingly different! I really enjoyed the whole matchmaking side to the story. Maybe your chapters are slightly too short but on the whole the writing was great. I hope to read more soon.

DarkLight
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
-- Woody Allen
  








Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson