Young Writers Society

I love you. When I first saw you I'd never loved before. I didn't know what it meant. But some force inside me, some hidden knowledge that had always been there told me, told me what these strange feelings meant. It told me that I love you.

I love you more than anything. I would die for you; I would kill anyone for you; I would do anything for you.

This love, this inexplicable, strange, overbearing, incomprehensible feeling; it is the thing which keeps me from you. My love for you is the reason you don't know about me. You'll never know about me. I'll watch you every day and wonder if you're happy; wonder if you're content. But I'll never know, because I'll never speak to you.

Everyone I touch is ruined. Everyone with whom my life is entwined has lost their happiness. I will not do this to you. My first, my only love.

So I'll stay out of your life forever. Perhaps some day you'll see this small chapter, this mourning, this lamentation. You'll wonder for whom I mourn. But you'll never know because I'll never tell and my pen will not reveal my secret. But perhaps today, when I walk by the river, over the small stone bridge, and I see you walking by, I'll hold this note in my hands over the water; perhaps by tearing up this emotion on the paper, I'll tear out the very love that lies in my heart.

Perhaps I'll watch the white paper float down the river, and my love for you will run out of my heart like liquid flame, to the water, and burn the paper, and tomorrow, when I see you again, walking by - I will not weep silent tears of self-sacrifice and wisdom. Perhaps I will smile and wave, and you will wonder who I am, and I will say, "I am one who once loved you."

But for now, in the gray of early morning, when the light creeps over the trees and the river flows it's silent course through the cold, wet ground...I can only say it again and again and again, and hope that no one hears.

I love you.

I liked the long sentences with many commas and colons as it gave the impression of following the character/you think.

The ending I feel is very strong as it wraps up the whole piece and gives the feeling that the emotions he/she is experiencing are eternal.

However I think that the large paragraph towards the end is too lengthy and could do with some subtle editing.

I am not sure about the section:

'I love you more than anything.

I would die for you.

I would kill anyone for you.

I would do anything for you.'

For me it just breaks up the flow of the opening however it does convey the strength of the emotions involved.

Hope you found this helpful!