Young Writers Society

Dear Reader,
This peice contains more than one sensitive topic, and may offend some. My apologies to those people. This is a one part story. There will be no follow up...

The Choice

It was completely my fault. I mean, how stupid do you get? Having sex,
unprotected none-the-less. I knew the possibilities.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll pull out just before,” I believed it. He even
did, yet still I’m forced to sit here, his hand in mine waiting to see the
results.

The minute passed, dragging on like a marathon of time,
divided up into seconds, milliseconds. Eternities.

And finally I stood up, reached out and greeted my fate.

“Blue,” I said. My heart pounded in my chest, my hand that
held the white strip shook so bad I could barely see the outline of it.

“B-but…that’s not possible…I mean…I didn’t actually, you know,
go all the way…” Jake shook his head in his palms. I watched him through
the mirror, holding myself up on the sink. I couldn’t breathe.

“I know, but…”

“Did you…with anyone else?” He asked, avoiding the word.

“No Jake,” I said harshly, “I did not have sex with anyone else.”

“Then how did this happen?” He raised his head from his hands,
staring at me through the mirror. I stared back.

“You-were-there,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I know I was there,” he threw his arms up in the air, “but I told
you-”

“Look, it doesn’t matter what went wrong, or what happened,
just that it happened at all, okay!” I nearly yelled in return. Jake calmed
down, letting his head fall back down into his hands.

‘I’m so sorry Jessie,” he said, “So sorry.”

“I just…I don’t know what to do,” I said.

“I’ll be here, whatever your decision, I’ll support it.” Jake looked
at me again through the mirror, his face was now calmer and determined. I
knew he hated himself at the moment. I thought he might even hate me.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, finally letting the strip fall down into
the sink.

“So, what are we going to do?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head and leaned more heavily
against the sink.

“Come here babe,” Jake extended one of his arms out to me
and patted his lap with the other. I sat down and let my head drop to his
shoulder. Tears began to slowly make their way down my face. Like me
they were only half spirited.

“I can’t keep it,” I finally said.

“You don’t mean…” Jake’s voice trailed off.

“Yeah, I do…Like I said, I can’t keep the baby…you and me
can’t. We have a future to think about, high school and collage. I don’t
want to jeopardize that.”

“But this is a human,” Jake said, “A real person, waiting to be
born. Abortion would be…murder.”

“I know, but I already said-”

“I know what you said, but…I don’t want you to get an abortion.”

“You said you would support me!” I exclaimed. I tried to stand
back up, knowing the wall would be better support than Jake, but he held
onto me tighter.

“I meant you keeping the baby, us being a family.”

“That wont work out!”

“Why not?” Jake asked.

“Why not?” I repeated, “We’re too young. You and me are too
unstable as a couple, we’ve just gotten through a really rough patch, and I
don’t think we’re parent material quite yet.”

“Or you just don’t want to have a family with me,” Jake
accused, “You don’t love me as much as you said you did.”

“Jake,” I tried.

“No,” he lifted me out of his lap, “I’m sorry Jessie, but like you
said, you and me are too unstable. We can’t be together.”

“No, please don’t leave,” I said. I tried to keep the door closed,
but he pushed through and walked out the door without a word. He walked
out of my life.

“Jake,” I called out, but there was no answer. I dropped against
the wall, leaning on it with all my weight. Tears fell down my face fast and
warm. My head tilted to the side, in the reflection of the mirror was the
pregnancy test, taunting me with it’s presence. I wrapped it in toilet paper
and took it outside to throw it away in the garbage can.

Many months have passed since that day. Tears have come and
gone. I have found myself, and then lost myself again.

I will always remember how my fate intervened with my choice.
How three weeks after I decided to keep the baby I miscarried. How I never
saw Jake again. I will always remember the day I saw the first hint of blue
and thought, “Oh my God, how could that happen to me?”

But more than that I will always remember how one choice
changed, and continues to change the course of my life.

Hmm...This was good JC but I don't think that there is much here, compared to your POD pieces this is not very indepth atall. BUt then again I hsouldn't compare it to the mazing POD

Ok. Like I said, this was good, but I think you could add a lot more conversation, worry and nerves into this. At the moment, she found out she was pregnant, he left becuase he wanted to keep it then she mniscarried a few months later. The miscarrige should come to a shock to the reader, make them feel more emotion towards it, at the moment I didn't really feel anything, but I know your writing, and I know you can emotionally involve the reader much more! But anyway, I think that my opinion of this is a bit harsh, but it's only because I knew the true talent of your work! Keep it up JC!!!!!

Meevs
x

Hey JC, this was very good!!!

The begging was great and raw but it kind of dithered around the point when Jake left and then fizzled out. Could there have been more concerning the miscarriage? Could we have seen more? Maybe friends reactions or parents?

My main comment on this is to put in more. What you have is good but it's even a bit too short for a short story. And as Meevs pointed out, you're a fantastic writer and if you revised this in a month or two I reckon you could really improve it!

All the best,
Alainna
xxxxxxxxx

It had a good beginning and I liked the simplistic feeling of it, but the ending was too short and too long at the same time.

Too short because the guy character walked away too soon and it seemed unlikely that he would be gone forever -- unless he moved away, joined the military, or went to jail. I mean, usually the parents talk with the guy or something. So yeah. That was lame, and because he just walked out, it made it very unrealistic.

Too long because any paragraph that dwells on the ethical and personal conflicts of the main character, especially for the ending, is kind of lame. I mean... how much moralattheendofthestory can you take? I would rather come up with a conclusion myself than have someone drill it into my head.

Just my thoughts. Hope this helps.

You could have put in a bit more. her parents reaction, his parents reaction. maybe surprise everyone and made jake come back.

p.s. I thought this was a very good story, but i can't stand a guy leaving his pregant girlfriend.

the only things i have to say about corrections are spelling errors. (i.e. college*) and punctuation in a few spots.

All together it was a bittersweet-ish short story. It was alright-- hard to use such a topic as a short story, because so much should be built on it, you know?
Not a thing you can delve into right away.
I liked it. Nice controversy, lol.
I plan on reading more of your other stuff-- and it seems POD has gotten some major enthusiasm, so i believe i will work my way through it :]

lovers ya,
-C

(p.s. read more of narrow lines!!! ... it's sooo empty, lol)

yay! Uh...and uh, about narrow, please put the different chapters in different posts...it makes it easier to differentiate between posts.

-JC