Young Writers Society

Here is he second part: topic72859.html

I liked the concept of this story. But, we don't know why Jess hates Kyle so much. The main characters also go back and forth from hate to love. I think that maybe if you told more about the characters and made them not so jumpy, this would be a great story. Also, there are no paragraphs. But, overall, I liked the idea!!

Thanks for posting

I LOVE this. It's so relatable ! the concept is great. but in end, I'm still left with so many questions! I would love if the piece was longer, and you gave some background detail.

Honestly....
I [b]LOVED IT!!!
I actually played the story in my head, it was very very fascinating.
I loved this part:

“Truly, do you like me truly? Like from the bottom of your heart?” I knew that this was clearly a bad time to ask this but I wanted to know. No matter how much I hated him, I had to know.

He stopped walking and looked at me straight in the eyes.

My heart sped up as my stomach did its flipping dance.

“Yes, I truly, from the bottom of my heart, like you.” He admitted."

WRITE MORE!

I Love this! (: I loved how you made it into a poem form; it kept the reader at the beat you wanted them to read the story. Very creative. You story was Amazing too as well as your title. The only thing tho at I wanted to see more of was why she hated him in the beginning. I was really wondering there. Did they date before and he did something to her or was he just full of himself and acted like a jerk around girls? Also the name Harry stumped me. Why Harry? Why pick such a simplistic name and more of a hating name such as Jack or Jerrod? No offence to all the Jacks and Jerrods out there, but I guess I just had a bad history with guys with "J" names Jacks in particular, but maybe Harry is a hating name for you it just struck me out as an odd for the story when I was reading it.

Anyways the story was really good. The narration, characters, story, meaning, everything. I would defiantly review more of your work Keep writing-
Aly-son

ok that story was really good. I wish I could write that well. I did keep wondering why she hates him. Maybe its in the next chapter. Well I'll read it and find out.

I love it really. I was a bit confused with the amount of times she got hurt? Was it once when
whe dropped her camera or again while she was looking at it? But apart from that it's
awesome! Favourite line, either, 'Hesitation is a sign of lying or uncertainty.' or 'Eyes so brown I imagine stupid brownies all the time'. It's also really clever how it seems like it could be a poem at first then opens up to a story. Maybe you could add to it?? Let me know if you do!!!
T x

I love your story!! I absolutely love the way you grabbed my attention from the very first line, and kept me hooked throughout. The only thing I think you could improve on is the tenses. I feel like your switching tenses from past to present throughout the story. Otherwise, excellent work! Keep writing!

Hey guys, I did add to the story!!! It's actually a novel. I have it on my user under the folder I Hate Him. Go ahead and read it. It's a completed novel. I'm thinking of adding a sequel!

Nike

Hello !

I thought this was short, sweet and right to the point really I thought all of the lines made it harder to read when they were spaced out like that, but still. I also like how you used the word 'like' and not love. It made it more interesting, less cliche. I think you could've made it longer and added in more details, just to explain the scene better and let the reader have a better visual thing to think of while reading.

All in all, it was a highschool girls dream .. well... unless it was someone they REALLY hated. Haha
Great job

Ash

It was the best story I have ever read. It's my favorite story. It was so cute. I'm not lying but something like this happen to me. I hated this one guy in one of my schools. After a little bit he just came up to me and said, "will you go out with me?" He kept asking. After a week I finally said yes. I knew that he was the one because he was the sweetest thing ever. Also, I liked this story because it was the type that I enjoy.