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Writing Challenge 2/6: Temple of Innocence



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Thu Feb 09, 2006 10:56 am
mystical*dragons says...



Sorry...taking this off...
Last edited by mystical*dragons on Sun Feb 26, 2006 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Sat Feb 11, 2006 5:33 am
Elizabeth says...



All of these topics facsinate me... God, I loved it...
Why can people think better than me?
*taps foot impatiently*

This was beautiful... I mean... like... WHOA! Great... I'm crying now... it's not fair! *tries to steal your talent*
  





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Sat Feb 11, 2006 5:43 am
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Snoink says...



Ah, don't we love sex stories? :P

Pretty stuff mostly. I just have one problem with these two lines:

Footsteps whisper on smooth, white marble…silver anklets hinting songs of the ancient.


I think the ellipsis (...) are a little mispaced in that sentence. Go here for more information about that.

Look at you, so pure, your skin so unmarked.


You probably shouldn't use the word "so" twice. I would write it as "Look at you, so pure, your skin unmarked." I don't know... it sounds more poetic to me.

Nice stuff, by the way.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  








Poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just don't get - and never would get.
— Benjamin Alire Saenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe