Hi. I'm Shelly and this is my first piece I'm posting on here. It's more of a nonfiction romance short story, but I figured this was the right section to put it in. Sorry if it's a little cluttered or melodramatic, I wrote it mostly to get out a lot of emotion and stress. But I figured I would post it here to see what other people thing (: Hope you all like it!
You were mine.
No questions, no doubt, no worries. No matter what terrible things were going on in my life it would all be okay at the end of the day because I would have you. You: my security; the one thing I could hold onto to keep me steady when my world was spinning and everything was falling apart. For once I felt special. Loved. Wanted. And best of all, I felt the incredible feeling that is loving someone with your whole heart. I was completely caught up in you and the rush of first love. You could make me smile in a way no one else ever has before.You came into my life, and showed me for the first time in a long time what it was to truly be happy.
And suddenly, out of the blue, it all fell apart.
I truly believe the feeling of finding out the person you are in love with doesn't love you back anymore is indescribable. When they are trying to tell you in the most gentle way possible (not that there is really any gentle way to go about such things), dragging it out while you just sit there trying to process what is going on. It doesn't hit your heart first. It hits your stomach. You're listening to this person who you put all your hope, faith, and admiration in tell you they are done with you and your stomach is doing flips and you think you must be in some horrible nightmare. But then your heart finally feels it. And then you understand the term heartbreak because your heart feels like it is slowly being ripped apart into a million pieces. Because my heart was entirely you, my love. What does it do now that you've left?
The worst part of it all is that you're not gone, not really. You're everywhere; in the halls, in the cafeteria, and around town. You look so happy. It's not that I don't want you to be happy, I do, more than anything. That's all I ever wanted. Five months of me trying to figure out how to fix you, how to make you smile and genuinely want to be happy again. Not once did the thought cross my mind, that maybe I was the thing that needed to be eliminated for you to reach true happiness. And God, does that fucking hurt. They say you never love anyone like you love your first love and I know now that is true. I'm sure someday I will love again, of course. But never like I loved you. Never with the same teenage naivety I had with you. Never with the same hope that I gave to you. I genuinely cannot see myself doing the things we did together with anyone else. The way we were so silly, and goofy and comfortable. I stupidly made you my everything, and the problem with making another person your everything is that when they leave you have nothing. And they always can leave if they want. I look in the mirror and see myself but I don't know who I am. I don't know where I fall into place without you by my side. You found me and gave me hope. But if the one person that gives you real hope suddenly takes it all away from you, you're left with even less than you started with. I hate that saying “It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” because it's so untrue. Before I loved you, I didn't know what love was, really. I didn't have it, but it didn't matter as much because I didn't know what it was like. If you've never had it, it can't hurt you so bad. Then I loved you and I had never felt so wonderful. Love was exhilarating, warm, and free. How dare you take that away from me? Give me a small taste of it and that snatch it out of my hands? This is what I cry about every night, this is what I slice into my skin for. In mourning, for the loss of the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced.
I'm so scared. It's been three months and two days since the day you broke me apart and I still feel as much pain as I did the day it happened. Without you my heart beats fast and my stomach is always in knots. I get dizzy and shake. Focusing is harder than ever when thoughts of you consume my mind constantly. They say time heals all wounds but I don't understand why time is taking so long. The love I feel for you has not dulled, not even a bit. And the wanting, the needing? Well, that is stronger than ever. I don't know how to be alone. I became so accustomed to your touch. Without your arms wrapped around me, without our hands intertwined, I feel naked. Empty.
You disappeared, and you stole part of me away with you.
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