Young Writers Society

"So tell me why you're here, Jalen." The therapist's eyes were a deep grey, she was so calm and relaxed, so unaware of what I was about to tell her.
"It started about ten months ago, when I first found out I was pregnant, I was so excited, I had been married to my husband, Jacob, for about a year and I had wanted a baby for so long. But Jacob didnt even seem excited, he gave me a "friendly hug" and then went to go take a nap. I was furious, but I tried to hold it in, for the baby's sake. I just ignored it all, but I ignored it to long. The baby's room was green, it was my favorite color, but Jacobs least favorite. I was hoping Jacob would come to his senses and become as excited as I was... but he didn't.
He was kissing me like I was his icky cousin Amber, I was becoming fed up with it. One night I decided to go out for some groceries, this was yet a bittersweet moment, I caught Jacob in our bedroom with an eighteen year old fake blonde slut." I straightened my posture and continued. "Actually, a stripper I was furious, now I knew why he had been working so late at night. I made sure I wasn't noticed and continued to the store. I pretended like I hadn't seen anything, when really I had seen it all.
I knew that when he was out 'working' late at nights, he was really with her. I was stupid to trust him like that anyways." Tears streamed down my cheeks. "One day I just couldn't take it anymore, I told him to leave, I told him I knew everything. He begged to stay, he claimed he nowhere else to go, I told him I didn't care, I just wanted him gone and out of mine and the baby's life.
The baby was born only a few months later, I went into labor while at my mother's house. I didn't want anything to do with this baby, she was Jacob's baby, not mine. I gave her no name, this baby was pure evil. She spat up everything she ate and absolutely hated the color green. She was exactly like her father. The thing they had most in common was how they seemed to hate me and wanted to ruin my life.
When I first brought her home, I justed dumped her in the crib and went to take a nap, the thing would've died if my mother hadn't woken me up. She never ate, my mother eventually left and I had to raise the thing on my own.... except, I didn't completely raise her. When she was about three weeks old she died.
I couldn't put up with her anymore, I carried her out onto the lawn... hoping someone would find it in their hearts to take her away from me. I was just going to lay her on the grass and then walk away. But... my heart took me in a different dircetion. Before I knew it, I was placing the baby on my stove and cooking it.... killing it instantly. I didn't even know why I did what I did after that.... it was so shocking, I have never even harmed anyone before. At least, not like that." I dabbed my eyes.
"W-What did you do?" The therapist seemed afraid of me. Good. I thought bitterly. Let her be afriad of me, let them all be afraid of me... my life is over.
"I ate my baby for dinner." I snickered. "It was a huge mistake, but an enjoyable meal."
"This is despicable!" The therapist cried. She reached for a phone on her desk, probably calling the police. I slammed her wrist down on the table, I heard a loud snap.
"Don't. You. Dare." I breathed as a wicked smile curved up my face.

Hope yall enjoyed this little story!! Trust me.... I would absolutely NEVER eat MY baby for dinner. Ick! =P But it was an overall fun topic to work with!! Thanks for reading it!!
~Cass

WOW!!! I loved it!! It was crazy, odd and surprising. This is an amazing piece, I'm glad you would never eat your baby.

Hello there.

I'll begin with the nitpicks. Corrections are in red, and comments are in bold. Something in red AND bold means there's no correction, but there's a comment coming up about that sentence.

Cassie9960 wrote:"So tell me why you're here, Jalen comma," the therapist's eyes were a deep gray, she was so calm and relaxed, so unaware of what I was about to tell her.
"It started about ten months ago, when I first found out I was pregnant Period. I was so excited, I had been married to my husband, Jacob, for about a year and I had wanted a baby for so long. But Jacob didn't even seem excited Period. He gave me a "friendly hug" and then went to go take a nap. I was furious, but I tried to hold it in, for the baby's sake. I just ignored it all, but I ignored it to long.The baby's room was green, it was my favorite color, but Jacobs least favorite. I was hoping Jacob would come to his senses and become as excited as I was... but he didn't. The sentence that's in red is random. What does the color of the room has to do with Jacob not being excited? I would recommend to take it out entirely.
He was kissing me like I was his icky cousin Amber, I was becoming fed up with it. One night comma, I decided to go out for some groceries Period. this was yet a bittersweet moment because I caught Jacob in our bedroom with an eighteen year old fake blonde slut." I straightened my posture and continued. "Actually, she was a stripper Period. I was furious, now I knew why he had been working so late at night. I made sure I wasn't noticed and continued to the store. I pretended like I hadn't seen anything, when really I had seen it all.
I knew that when he was out 'working' late at nights, he was really with her. I was stupid to trust him like that anyways." Tears streamed down my cheeks. "One day I just couldn't take it anymore and I told him to leave Period. I told him I knew everything. He begged to stay, he claimed he had nowhere else to go but I told him I didn't care Period. I just wanted him gone and out of my comma, and the baby's comma life.
The baby was born only a few months later, I went into labor while I was at my mother's house. I didn't want anything to do with this baby, she was Jacob's baby, not mine. I didn't give her name, this baby was pure evil. She spat up everything she ate and absolutely hated the color green. She was exactly like her father. The thing they had most in common was how they seemed to hate me and wanted to ruin my life. The sentence in bold/red doesn't quiet make sense to me. Just a moment ago, she wanted him out of her and the baby's life, but then she just doesn't want to baby?
When I first brought her home, I just dumped her in the crib and went to take a nap Period. The thing would've died if my mother hadn't woken me up. She never ate, my mother eventually left and I had to raise the thing on my own... Except, I didn't completely raise her. When she was about three weeks old comma she died.Why does her eating habits have to be mentioned there?
I couldn't put up with her anymore so I carried her out onto the lawn... Hoping someone would find it in their hearts to take her away from me. I was just going to lay her on the grass and then walk away. But... My heart took me in a different direction. Before I knew it, I was placing the baby on my stove and cooking it.... Killing it instantly. I didn't even know why I did what I did after that.... It was so shocking, I have never even harmed anyone before. At least, not like that comma" I dabbed my eyes.
"W-What did you do?" The therapist seemed afraid of me. Good. I thought bitterly. Let her be afraid of me, let them all be afraid of me... My life is over.
"I ate my baby for dinner comma" I snickered. "It was a huge mistake, but an enjoyable meal."
"This is despicable!" The therapist cried. She reached for a phone on her desk, probably calling the police. I slammed her wrist down on the table, I heard a loud snap.
"Don't. You. Dare comma," I breathed as a wicked smile curved up my face.

Hope yall enjoyed this little story!! Trust me.... I would absolutely NEVER eat MY baby for dinner. Ick! =P But it was an overall fun topic to work with!! Thanks for reading it!!
~Cass

Overall, you had a lot of grammar mistake and that took away from the story itself. Also, I found it a little bit disturbing... It was still interesting to read.

Keep up the good work!

-Other One

Haha, thanks! And yea, it is pretty creepy, but my super CRAZY friend was joking around. And I just felt like writing it.

Thanks for this, this was a reeeeeeally creepy story and I loved it. I haven't read something this crazy in a while, so this was nice. Kind of sadistic, though. It would help you to include some more detail about the killing. Good job and good luck.