Young Writers Society

[DELETED]

Hey there,

Sorry for the short review, but I don't have a lot of time at the moment

First off, I really like this. It is really deep and intriguing. Just a note; I don't know if it is just me, however I don't think starting a sentence (or paragraph) with 'and' or 'but' is a great thing to do, maybe you could find a way to get around that Also you say 'And with that, I bid you farewell' 'Goodbye, old friend' I was wondering if the goodbye was meant to be in speech marks, because without them I don't see why you would say farewell twice
On the plus side, I love your descriptions and emotions throughout the piece. I think that was what made me want to read it again ( because I read through it twice )
Overall I love this piece and hope to read more soon

Hi! So, I'm not big on romance, but this was actually pretty good! You write eloquently, with beautiful imagery and descriptions. This rang with emotion and feeling. It was a lovely read.

Some things to work on: first, try not to be so vague. You won't kill the story by giving us a name or some background to go on, The air of mystery gets a little awkward by the last few paragraphs. Also, as Nyx mentioned, you start a lot of sentences and paragraph with words like 'but' or 'and'. This is okay when used sparingly- it's obvious you know how to use proper grammar, and fragmented sentences add a poetic air to the story- but don't get carried away, or it starts to look a little sloppy.

Overall, you have a real talent for writing! Have you ever done poetry? You have the makings of a poet in your work, with your knack for imagery and emotion.

Lovely job, and keep writing!

-Tori