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I Can't Believe It



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267 Reviews



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Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:12 am
Nike says...



So, I stood there.

Ready to take the plunge.

Ready to do something other girls wouldn't.

Normally, The guy should do this, that's why. But, 86% of guys expect the girl to make the first move.

So, I'm taking the plunge.

Taking a couple steps ahead of me through the not-so-crowded hallway, I walked toward him. Today was this field day thing at our school since it was the end of the year for summer vacation, so we got to do whatever we wanted even though we had to sign up for classes to stay in.

The halls weren't that crowded since pretty much everybody was at some sort of activity, class, or what not. Anyway, I walked up, catching up to him.

"Johnny!" I called after him.

He stopped, swerving around and spotting me in his vision. A smile grew on his face, making my heart rate speed up a bit. I could see happiness in his eyes, that made me even more nervous even though it shouldn't, that's a good thing I hope, happiness in his eyes?

"Hey Becca," he sighed.

Hearing him say my name made my stomach preform a flip.

"What's up?" he asked, walking up to me.

Every step he took closer to me made my heart stop in a heart beat. How ironic.

"Uh, nothing..." I said my usual.

No! I have to do this. I can't hold it back. For God's sake, next week was already summer vacation and who knows if you'll see him next year?! This is a big high school and at least you'll know that you tried. DO. IT. NOW.

My conscious was very deceiving to me when I needed it to be.

"No," I stated.

Looking confused, his eyebrows arched a bit. I looked away from his eyes, afraid to freeze up and looked at his hair, the hair that I've always been jealous of, Jet Black and with a lot of style put into it. Mine was plain, dirty blonde with swooped bangs, see, boring.

"I mean, I have to tell you something..." I started.

I was shaking so much right now that I thought I was going to throw up right there on the spot, how lame, I know. In front of him, ew.

"Well, what is it?" he said, looking now nervous.

Oh God, what if he knows already?! And doesn't like me?!

"Uh, I-I..." I stuttered.

No, I couldn't. It's too hard for me. But I had to. I'm not just going to wait for him to ask me out (which I highly doubt would ever happen), I needed to do it. Now.

DO IT BECCA! NOW!

"Alright, I know that this is not what you'd ever want or expect but, I have to say this. It's been eating me up ever since it started... I like you... a lot." I blurted out in a hurry.

Before he could say anything, I opened my bloody mouth again. He looked very shocked, hench, his jaw flung open. "I know, we're friends that barely talk, like two pieces of paper that need to stick with glue yada, yada. But, I just don't know. It happened. I started to like you and it's unbelievable, right?! Yeah it is... but I really don't understand it either, I'm so-,"

He cut me off, placing his hands on my shoulders which sent shivers down my spine. That shut me up right off the bat.

"Can you keep quiet for one second?" he asked, smiling like crazy.

Smiling like crazy?! I'm so serious about this. He was.

"Mhm," I swallowed loudly like I usually do around him, so weird, I know. It must be nervousness.

"Okay, finally you're silent." he said, "... are you ready to hear this?" he asked, eyes full of lust.

"Ye-ah," I stuttered.

He moved a strand of my hair behind my ear. "That sucker always bothered me," he admitted.

I chuckled, disappointed that he said that though. I mean come on. Really?!

"Now, I'm going to be telling you something very important, and you have to listen very carefully." he stated.

What?! That damn hair thing wasn't? Thank God for that. I nodded, waiting for his words.

"I like you," he whispered so quietly and quickly I could barely hear him. He took his hands off my shoulders.

"What...?" I asked, mocking him.

Okay, my heart couldn't be dancing anymore crazier than it was just now. I know, I'm just in high school, you can't feel real love or likeness crap, but I do, so, shut up.

"I already said it, and I told you to listen very carefully!" he said, joking around with me.

I hit him on the arm, feeling tingles crawling through me. "Come on!" I begged.

Before I could pull my hand away, he grabbed it, pulling me off guard.

"I know you heard me," he said.

"Nu-uh," I replied.

He pulled me so close, I could smell him. I looked into those brown eyes that reminded me of hot chocolate on a cold winter snow day.

"I like you," he repeated, but this time it sunk in so deep, I was speechless.

There was this connection that flowed between us, I loved it. It made me go haywire and crazy a my heart beat sped up and I felt like I was sugar high.

I couldn't speak, so I just smiled as wide as I could. He followed, sending shivers through me like a bullet.

I can't believe it.
Last edited by Nike on Mon Jun 13, 2011 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“There is no need to call me Sir, Professor.”
  





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165 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:18 am
Sassykat says...



Awww, how sweet! Now, I didn't see anything in particular that a good read-through on your part won't fix. Typos and all that. I'm feeling lazy so I won't nitpick it. Just read through it real carefully and you'll be fine, I promise. Great job! :-D
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.
  





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Mon Jun 13, 2011 3:59 am
Paracosm says...



Good job! This was pretty sweet! All I can say is, "What's up?" He said, walking him to me. Sounded like he was walking with someone to her.
Review unto others as you would have others review unto you.

Don't panic!

Also, Shino!
  





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Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:43 am
bsbfan19 says...



Awesome story!! :) You just made a small typo or er um mistake
"whats up?" He said, walking toward me <------ instead of walking him to me Other then that I enjoyed the story very much!! Love to see more of your work :)
"i will not bow"
  





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Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:47 am
blackstar says...



Normally, The guy should do this, that's why. But, 86% of guys expect the girl to make the first move.

It was sweet story and also a bit funny.

He moved a strand of my hair behind my ear. "That sucker always bothered me," :p

But I think it was a little short. I would've loved it if it was a little bigger.
And (Don't hate me!!!) I was a little disappointed when that was shocking news. I mean, she told him already!! And now he says that he likes her!!!! In usual I guess Becca would've been super happy, not brain-breaking shocked.
But then again, I didn't write this so how am I the person to tell you how the story is supposed to be.
Again, I liked it.
And also another again, I hope that you don't hate me for saying those things.
Peace out.
  





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Mon Jun 13, 2011 8:20 am
Alpha says...



Hey, Nike!
That nit pick I found was already pointed out, so no need to mention it.
I liked it, too! Sweet, realistic (in high schools, you don't say "I love you" in front of everyone. Well, you can, but... whatever.)
Keep on writing, something a bit longer, and let us know, y'hear?
Cheers,
Alpha :) :)
  





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Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:02 am
ASH1397 says...



hey there :)

i liked this short story; i think i definately portrays the insane thoughts of a girl around her man. And i also think that this was well written. Very realistic :)

Try next time giving a little more history on the characters; it might help the story flow a bit better :)
Great job!

keep your creativity flowing
--Ash
And just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she turned into a beautiful butterfly.
  





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Tue Jun 14, 2011 12:25 pm
polinkacreations says...



Omigosh, that is SO sweet!
I loved it, it was so realistic, I actually felt my heart racing as I read it.. and exactly the same moment happened to a friend of mine.... And it is very detailed, and emotional. I agree with the previous comments: more history to the characters, though. Otherwise, it's really cute and well written.
Keep up the good work!
Polly
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
  





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Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:12 pm
mistielovesyou says...



This was very good and detailed. I liked the point of view. This is probably one of the first stories I've read where the girl asks the guy out, so this was unique to me. I can relate to the main character, although I'm definitely not as brave as she is. The happy ending was enjoyable, too. It actually didn't come off as cheesy! Good job and good luck.
mistura is awesome and she loves you
  








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