Young Writers Society

Chapter One

I was singing at the top of my lungs to Pat Benatar, as I scooped cookie dough onto my pan and place it in the oven. The smell of fresh baked cookies hung in the air. I flopped down on small couch and my phone buzzed with a text message.

I couldn't believe the words I was reading.

'I'm sorry but I hate you.'

How could he hate me? I never did anythig wrong. I told him I was getting married, and now he hates me? The tears rolled off my chin and dropped off onto my phone screen. I couldn't take this, I needed to get away, I needed to run.

"Running from your problems gets you nowhere." His words echoed through my mind.

"This time running is my only option." I said aloud as I dropped the pan of cookies onto the countertop.

I put my phone into my pocket, grabbed my keys and purse. I wanted out of this place. I couldn't take the hurt I was feeling.

As I drove, I didn't know where I was going. I just followed the paved road set in front of me. I drove for a good two hours before my gas light flashed and I decided it was time to fill up.

A small, red-brick gas station awaited my arrival as I pulled off the highway. My phone started ringing and 'Derek' flashed across the screen, otherwise known as my fiancé. I sighed and clicked ignore. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to pay for my gas and head on home to my safe, quaint apartment.

The dark night seemed to close in around me as police sirens sounded. I hurriedly got in my car and headed home.

As soon as I stepped inside my apartment, the warm colors of my walls greeted me. I threw my keys on the couch and the message machine beeped. I hit play, while I poured myself a glass of water.

"Hey, it's Daniel, Seth's brother. I'm at Seth's apartment. We were supposed to go out tonight, but I knew he was upset about something, so I came over early to check on him. But he wasn't here, he left his phone which is weird because he never leaves without it. So, I was just wondering if maybe he was with you."

"Hey it's Daniel, again. Um, it's been a couple hours and Seth's not back. His last text message was to you, did he say anything to you about where he was going? And judging by the fact I got your machine, you're not home either. So..." His voice flooded my apartment.

"Hey, it's me again. Um, Daniel, you should be able to tell by now, but maybe you're not good with voices or something. So, anyways its Daniel again. It's been almost four hours and I'm getting a little worried. So I'm gonna go drive around and see if I see his car. Please call me if you happen to see him."

I ended the messages quickly and felt my heart drop into my stomach. It didn't matter to me that Seth said he hated me, I just wanted to find him. I grabbed my keys and sped off down the road.

I instantly remembered the little pond Seth and I would always go to when we wanted to get away. I drove fast down the little dirt road before coming to a complete stop in front of the small track that led to our pond. I didn't care about the dangers that lurked in the woods, I just wanted to find Seth.

"I thought you said running from your problems gets you nowhere." I said staring at the black figure two feet in front of me.

"And I thought you said when you got engaged I would be the first person to know, not the last." Seth's voice drifted through the air. His sun-kissed face scrunched up with confusion, and he looked at me calmly.

"Come on Seth, how was I supposed to tell you? You're my bestfriend and I had to find the right time." I said walking up to where he sat.

"You should've just told me. You made me the last person to know. Gosh Sam, sometimes you don't think. God designed you with a brain you know!" He finally looked at me, his green eyes flooded with hurt.

"I know God designed me with a brain, but he designed you with a heart and if you actually would listen to it, than maybe you could be happy for me." I crossed my arms in frustration.

Seth and I sat in silence listening to the ripples of the pond. We are bestfriends, he didn't like the fact that I was getting married, but he had to face the truth because I am getting married.

"Samantha, what would you do if I kissed you right now?" Seth asked catching me off gaurd, I mean he's my bestfriend.

"Um, I don't--" I was cut off with Seth's lips pressed firmly against mine.

Ironically, I kissed back. Derek ceased to exist, the fact I was engaged drifted out of my mind. This made me feel like Seth and I were the only two people on this planet. The kiss got a bit more intense, my hands were tangled in Seth's black hair and Seth had me on top of his lap. His hands found their way to my hips.

Reality hit, I quickly pulled away, placed my feet on the solid ground and slapped him across the face.

"I'm engaged Seth!!" I yelled and my voice echoed throughout the woods.

"You told me to listen to my heart!" Seth yelled back.

"What in the world are you talking about? I am your bestfriend." I said taking a couple steps back.

"I love you Samantha. I love you with all my heart. I have loved you ever since you came to New Jersey. God, you're such an idiot. But I love you." Seth said closing the gap between us once again. He pressed his lips against mine.

I slowly kissed back, then separated quickly. I looked into his green eyes and hurt flashed across them.

"I can't do this, I'm sorry." I said walking away leaving Seth behind.

Seth's POV
"Seth, I'm getting married." Sam said, her voice shaky.

I searched her blue eyes for a clue to tell me she was joking, but I couldn't find anything.

"Please tell me you're kidding." I said

"No, I'm engaged to Derek." she said staring at the floor.

"Wow, you're really getting married." The words stinging the back of my throat.

"Yah, I am." Sam said hugging me.

The words 'I'm getting married' sunk into my brain and my blood began to get hot.

"Did you tell him?" My brother, Garrett asked walking into my bedroom.

I cut a look to Garrett, asking for an explanation.

"Everyone knows." Garrett said calmly.

"Everyone knew except for me?!" I yelled making Samantha jump.

"Seth, I'm sorry I didn't know how to tell you." Sam said as I watched the tears well up in her eyes.

"Get out!" I yelled pointing towards the door.

"No Seth, we need to talk about this." Samantha said as the tears ran down her cheeks.

The hurt flooded her face, like an ocean crashing against the shore. Her pink lips trembled, her arms were placed on her skinny waist, and she wiped her blond hair out of her tear stained face.

"No, get out!!" I yelled louder.

Sam stared at me for a second before turning around and walking out of my room.

I was an idiot to scream at her. I was an idiot to not be happy for her. She's in love, and she's happy. But I love her.
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Comemnts are welcome

Hello there

Good story. I enjoyed it. It sounds well thought out, and there seems like there's a good plot to it.
Go back through, though, and notice that there are several spelling errors that are very noticeable. I thought this was a great piece, though. You should probably develop more on the background of their friendship as well to help the readers understand how their friendship had progress and if they've ever been mad at eachother like this before.
It also might help if you put in more sensory details because it would give a better idea of what the scene looks like so we can picture it.
So far so good though! Hope to see more soon. Let me know if you want me to review anything

keep the creativity flowing,

--Ash

Hi there!

So, this is the beginning right? Well, for a beginning I think that this chapter might introduce a tad too much characters and back story. When I read it, I feel as though I've been plunged into the middle of a story. There's all these characters and the events that happened before. I think that explaining them a little bit more wouldn't hurt. Like Daniel. We see him once in this chapter and he suddenly dissapears, we don't even know who he is. You could, for example write: Daniel, my friend (or whatever he is). So that we have some sort of idea who this Daniel is and how he fits into the whole story.

Next thing, I want to point out is description. There has been very little description in this story. The characters and settings weren't described a lot. I think that the story will definitely improve if you put a little bit more description regarding the character and settings. Also, you don't want to leave description till too late because by then the readers will already have their own version of Seth, Sam, etc. So, if I were you, I'd definitely add some description in.

You did, however have a very good hook line. The line of the text message makes me wonder what the main character have done to receive it. So, good job on the opening line. Just watch the pace of the story a bit more, I'd suggest.

Thanks for the comments guys, it really helps alot. Ash- more background on their friendship will be in the next chapter.
Miracles- thanks for the advice. It really helps!

Hey! Re-read the edited version: great!
You fixed those spots where things didn't quite make sense, and the spelling errors. You also put a little more into the story, and a few tweaks I saw
Lookin' good! keep me updated!

--Ash

This is a good story but it might need a little more. Probably more description or background. Plus the story kind of ends on an ambiguous note. Maybe you should make an ending where he decides that he's leaving town (because he can't handle her getting married) or where he gives up on her. This story has lose ends, and it's hard to figure out where they are.

Hi Dontstopbelieving,

I'm interested in the story. Firstly, because you spent more time on the emotional development, and even though it's only the first chapter, I feel connected to the characters already. Although like the others said, add a little more description to story so that we know exactly the setting and the environment that characters are in.

On to the review,

Mistakes

"This time, running is my only option."
Punctuation

but he had to face the music because I was getting married.

I'm not sure, if "music" is the correct word here. Maybe, "truth" or "fact"

the fact I was engaged drifted out of my mind,

Write this like, "that fact that I was engaged drifting out of my mind"

Reality hit, I quickly pulled away

It should be a "period" or an "exclamation mark" in the middle, not a "comma"

God, youre such an idiot,

"You're"

Seth said closing the gap between us once again and he pressed his lips against mine.

You can't have one verb in one tense, and another in another tense in the same sentence. So, either make "pressed" into "pressing" or break these two sentences into two.

Plot

The plot is interesting enough. But please make it unique, because a lot of stories stay on the same beaten track and go along the same plot. But don't be afraid to deviate from this track and make your unique plot. I'm not gonna comment on the plot that much, as I don't know about it that much, but still keep the above fact in mind.

Description

A lot of stories focus on the plot and fail in the department of descriptions. Stories without a lot of descriptions has to survive on the plot and the reader's imagination. But believe me, not a lot of stories survive that way. So, add a few descriptive lines to several places. And sometimes, when descriptions are lacking, the readers actually get confused as to what the writer had written. Now I got confused when you wrote this part,

I didn't know where I was going, I just followed the paved road set in front of me.

Where was your character when she received that text message and decided to get away?

Here's another example. I didn't get confused her, but you could've made this a way to tell a little about the character's personality.

I hurriedly got in my car and headed home.

As soon as I stepped inside my apartment,

You could write about the state of her apartment and how it looked like and connect that to her personality.

That's how you write descriptions. Take the smallest things in the story, and add descriptions so as to make it realistic.

Character descriptions

I'm very interested to know what your characters look like, and you should add a few physical descriptions to the chapters and whenever you get the chance to, because if you wait for a later chapter, the readers might have a harder time to re-adjust the character's appearance to the appearance they imagined.

Overall

This was a good first chapter for a romantic novel and I do hope you intend to continue it because it sounds interesting.

Good luck

-C-