Spoiler! :
The flowers are beautiful.
"The flower’s are beautiful” I gushed, cradling my new treasure. They matched perfectly with my pale pink dress. and how had he known which flowers to get me, these were my favorite. I had always known, from watching him at a distance for almost an entire year, that he was someone that always went the extra mile for someone else.
But this, I didn't share that information with just anyone, it must have taken some serious work on his part.
“I’m glad you like them.” He grinned, his voice pulling me back into the present. I wish I had known that this moment was coming when i'd watched him despairingly in the school parking lot.
I needed him to know how much this meant to me.
“I love them” I breathed. He blushed. I stopped smiling, worrying if was being a little too forward. It would be just like me, to ruin this before it had even begun. I didn't have anything else to say, and neither did he. The nervous tension ensued.
“Shall we go then" he asked quietly, finally breaking the awkward silence.
“Umm...yeah” I grimaced and slipped inside the car as he slid in smoothly beside me. I wanted to slump down in my seat. This night was not going as planned, and now I wondered whether it was worth it at all. But then he moved and rested his hand on mine before returning it to the wheel and starting the car.
It was a simple gesture, and it only lasted a second, but I felt a thrill nonetheless. He looked over at me and smiled reassuringly, and now I smiled back. I felt my excitement blaze strongly again, he was so sweet...
Tonight still might turn out to be the night I'd been waiting for.
They might be the best flowers I've ever planted. Carnations that danced with evening pink, light and delicate; yet brilliant as the sun, luminescent in their beauty. Carnations had been my favorite, ever since I'd first laid eyes on them. In fact, it was because of them that I loved planting flowers so much. They seam to radiate vivacity and joy. I still marveled that I had received ones as perfect as these. They're flawless.
I’ll put them here. I decided, placing them tenderly on the soil…
“We’re here” My date said, parking his car. I drew in a sharp breath, suddenly fearful. This was the moment I'd been waiting for, even dreaming about, all year. But now that it was here, I didn't want to face it. What if it wasn't everything I'd hoped it be? What if something, everything went wrong? What if Jake decides he doesn't want to see me again after tonight?
What if...
I Looked at Jake. He looked at me curiously, concern etched in his features. I think he could sense my hesitation. Gently he slipped his hand in mine.
“Audrey” He said gently. And that was it. I looked into those glorious blue eyes, and all my fear melted away. I wrapped my hand around his.
"Are you ready” I said in mock serious, locking my gaze on him. "to enter the most cliched and emotional insane moment of our High School experience.
He feigned indecisiveness, and then his eyes glittered. "Let the fun begin” he answered mischievously...
I should begin. I took a deep breath, fighting my doubts. I needed to do this before I lost my nerve. Silly girl. I told myself, it’s just flowers.
But I knew it was much more than that. It was the defining moment for my future. I couldn't stop now, I had to go though with this.
I sunk my little hand shovel into the earth...
He sunk the spoon into the punch bowl, pulling up the delicious cherry red liquid.
“For you” he said, bowing slightly.
I gave him a scathing look. “How chivalrous, giving a girl punch that could totally ruin her jewel-incrusted dress.” He pretended to wince, as though my rejection for fruit punch had come as a personal blow. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, or punch him in the arm.
‘"If you won’t accept my chivalry" he said with masterful mock solemnity. will you at least let me ask you dance?”
I smiled flirtatiously. “Of course you can ask me.”
“Audrey” he said politely. “May I have this dance?”
"No" I responded shortly, tauntingly, turning away. He grabbed my hand “Too bad”
“Jake” I protested, but I couldn’t help giggling. He reeled me close to him and placed his hands on my hips, I felt all my protests melt away.
“Yes?” he prompted. I pressed closer to him and wrapped my hands around his neck.
“Thank you” was all I said, but it was enough.
A song passed, and then the next. We talked. We laughed. I felt myself being carried away in the music, in his arm. I was…happy. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been longing for a moment like this. So simple, yet so brilliant, on fire. No more pretending, no more lies. No more wondering and wishing. Only the truth, a chance, and a possibility.
One I intended to take.
The music changed. This song was slower, softer. Everything slowed down, except my heart. I could feel the heat of his skin, and his heart beat, pulsing under my fingertips. My blood raced under the the thrill of his touch. I looked into his eyes, and I saw my feelings mirrored there. He lifted one hand and tenderly stroked my cheek, so gentle…
I stroked the flower's petals. They were soft, smooth and vibrant beneath my fingers. The small hole that would their new home was done, but I wasn't ready to relinquish them to the earth just yet. There was something else I wanted to do.
I lifted the, to my face, inhaling their sweet, in corrupted fragrance...
We stepped outside. I breathed the crisp cool night air. It was a perfectly clear night, the stars even seamed brighter than usual. He led me towards the balcony. He started to say something, but I interrupted. “Thank you” I said again. “For everything, tonight has been amazing.”
“It has" he agreed, stroking my cheek again. “I just have one regret.” I froze, sure I knew what he was going to say next, that this had been wrong, a mistake. I felt tears forming behind my eyes. I was going to cry, right here in front of him, my unrequited love once again...
“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt sooner?” he inquired, “We could have been together all year” I blanched, hardly daring to believe, but he was serious. I sighed, while my heart stuttered back to life. “I don’t know” I turned away “I was scared, I suppose.”
“Scared” he repeated. ‘That…?”
“That you wouldn’t…you know, like me back” I winced at how cliché that sounded. But really, what else was I supposed to say? He seamed taken back, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He was so clueless about how truly gorgeous and amazing and breathtaking he really was, it was so cute. I almost cried again, but the relief that now filled me wiped my tears away.
He placed his hand on my cheek. "Audrey” he whispered. “I really, really, like you” Then he leaned in, gently pulling my face towards his. He pressed his lips to mine. The kiss sent a thrill through my body stronger than anything I had felt all evening. Everything I had felt this past year coursed through me. Every desire, every longing, every despairing wish. Every loving, adoring thought.
Finally, Was I could managed. Finally.
Finally. I said to myself, for at least the tenth time. But still I didn’t move. It shouldn't take me this long; I should have done it already.
But once I took them out, I could never put them back.
Get a grip. I told myself firmly. They're just flowers.
But I wasn’t doing a very good job of listening to myself.
It was funny how something as simple as planting flowers could become something so complex. Something that taxed my strength, my emotional reserve. It was so hard.
This is my last connection. The other side pleaded, once it's gone... but it didn't matter. This had to be done. I put aside my despairing notions and pulled the flowers free...
We pulled out of the parking lot. I felt exhilarated. I had come here with hopes, expectations, doubts, and fear. But now, now all I felt was joy and excitement from my past and for my future. The person who had arrived here tonight was not the person that was leaving now. I was new, reborn, and more alive than I had ever been in my entire life. I looked at Jake. My first love, first kiss, and the reason this change had occurred in me. All my dreams, my wishes, my longing fantasies; could never have captured what it truly felt like to be with him, to finally have him. Everything that had once kept us apart now pulled us together. This night had truly been unforgettable, and now I looked toward a new dawn, a life of endless possibilities.
Well. I thought. This is goodbye. I couldn’t believe how overly dramatic I was being. But then again maybe I wasn’t being dramatic, maybe I was being real.
This is your last connection... The voice said again, and this time I listened.
I couldn't do this, I couldn't...
But I had to do it. I just…had too.
My hands shook, fighting it.
This was my final moment, the friction point, where everything hangs in a balance.
And now every cell in my body was trying to prevent it.
But I was stronger.
I plopped the flower into the ground. To most ears, the resulting sound would have been almost undetectable.
But too me it was as loud as a crash.
Crash. Headlights blinding me. I am thrown, a force of a thousand winds pressing against me. I collide. Glass shatters. We tumble. I am screaming. Lights, darkness, chaos, wind…. I can’t think...
I begin to fill in the hole...
More lights. I hear voices, screaming, not my own. I fight the darkness...
I add a second scoop...
Now there are sirens. People shouting. Someone is crying. I try to move, but I’m too weak. Hands find me. I try to speak but I can’t. I am being lifted…
Slowly I begin to fill the space...
My head throbs, but things are becoming clearer. I am on a stretcher. I sit up, testing my strength. Black spots cloud my mind and threaten to pull me under, but I resist. Around me is confusion, people, light. I can see the crash. See where the truck rammed into the side of Jake's car.
Jake.
I can't find him. I become nervous, then panicked.
Jake.
Jake, please...
"Up you go" a voice says. I am lifted into the ambulance. I see another stretcher, this one surrounded by people, and blood.
The ambulance doors close...
I am halfway done. It is now routine, one steady motion...
I am in the hospital. Waiting. Pacing. Not knowing. Despairing.
Hope is fading fast...
Three quarters done. I continue to fill it.
I am by his bed. Watching as his shallow breathing becomes shallower. His failing heartbeat fails faster. He takes one last shuddering breath, and then is still. Tears slip down my face. Pain takes over. I succumb to darkness...
I pour in the last scoop. It is done. I stand up, contrasting emotions swell inside my head, overwhelming, but I don't give in
It is beautiful. The carnations sway lightly in the breeze. The beginning of a new life, a new possibility.
I pick up my tools and walk away.
The memories stay buried behind me.
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