They steal your sleep, your thoughts, and your breath absentmindedly, making you suffer with adoration and a wanting that’ll never come. And then you become this sensitive monster that can only dream of fairy tales of simple love and promises that will always be kept.
All you thrive for is to be close to that person, to make them know of your burning feelings for them without actually telling them. Never would you want to risk your present relation with them because even just seeing them smile is more than enough. But still, if only they knew of your thoughts and then laughed because for some time, they’ve been thinking of you the same way. Wouldn’t that be nice? But it’s not true, because no matter how much you wish for it, it will never happen. Because you don’t live in a movie. When everyone and everything undergoes a happily ever after; a mirage engraved with a piercing perfection that you will never possess. It’s just how reality works. But yet again, your heart still hungers for them. For their tender love and their creamy, soft lips that you will forever desire but can never have.
They torture you like that. Filling your heart up with hope, and then crushing it like it’s nothing. Pretending they have no clue of the way you look at them, and brushing it aside because who are you to be in love with them? But even if it kills you, those emotions roar inside you. Pushing and fighting to be free until you finally burst into tears over them. Crying yourself to sleep wondering if you’ll ever be that person they will always search out for when they need help. The person they need because you’re capable of lighting the earth and chasing out the cobwebs and sorrow. That person they will hold everyday because they need you. Their significant other. But then smacks you right between the eyes and you ask yourself, why can’t I have them? Why is it never me? Is it because I don’t deserve their love. Is that person so great that it’s worth suffering for? Are they worth the Sacrifice?…. Loving them no matter the flaw or kink and giving up a huge part of myself.. My Heart. And trusting that if I do give it to them, they will never pull the trigger that’ll shatter my life into a billion pieces and reduce me into an emotionally crippled nothing? Your foolishness takes over and answers “yes”, with a smile, “..they are.”
You then take another step, sure of yourself that you are, indeed, madly in love, and endanger yourself to risks with them. Embracing their body, talking with them, playing and joking and laughing. Swallowing the knowledge that they are existing in your sad and lonely life with one titanic gulp that tastes acrid because it is not enough for you. You need more, and your survival is depending on it. But what a coward you are, you will never do more until that single thread is true and they move first. Crazy your mind becomes, because the sight of them devours all of your intellects and you fall to your knees, cherishing the ground they set their feet upon. Love makes one unbalanced, but there is no turning back because once you fall, there’s no one to pick yourself up. You’re stranded on an island surrounded by the raging magmas of desire.
No one is there, except for you..and the apparition of that person. Doing nothing but closing your eyes and imagining scenarios that will occur when the heavens fall down to earth. Unaware of an iron grapnel clasped securely on your seething heart, distracting your senses and throwing your precious time out to sea. People notice your foolishness and ask you what on earth is the matter. And the only thing you can say is, “I’m in love.” with a blissful smile…….Little do you know what a fool you are.
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