Young Writers Society

Although I'm in my happy mood, I decided to write something depressing. Anyways...

I gasped as I opened the bathroom door, the sight was utterly horrible. It absolutely tore my heart apart, seeing her naked body lying on the tiled floor. Blood covered everything I could lay my eyes on; the translucent plastic curtains hung helplessly, crinkled and shabby, watching their mistress bleed out. The toilet sat there, gob smacked with its mouth wide open and the mirror which had always greeted her every morning, lost its bedazzling reflection.

There she lay, her eyes peacefully shut beneath the long eyebrows she used to taunt me with. The majestic pink cheeks where her white complexion stretched, ruthlessly cut. My body longed for her lips as my eyes moved unto them, puffy and colorless. And there it was, the culprit that took my Megan away, between her perfectly carved breasts protruded a knife; shining at me, grinning with pleasure. In her white thin fingers she held a paper, I read:

"Dear Husband,

I cannot bear knowing it anymore, yes, I know! Why did you do it? You were always the center of my world darling; the teddy bear I hugged to go to sleep and the rocket I rode to the stars. I treated you with trust and passion, but alas, you turned out to be as much of a bastard as the rest of them.

What does she have that I don't? I wish I can go back to the time when I saw her bent over your desk, moaning joyfully. The time when I snuffed my screams and ate my tears silently, I should have killed you there and then. Maybe its better that I killed myself instead, maybe you'll appreciate me better dead."

My throat dried up and my brain froze, and my knees gave way to my heavy heart. I knelt at her side crying: "I don't know what you mean... I didn't do it."

Then the whole scene faded, like smoke from my everyday cigarette. I opened my eyes to find her lying beside me, her face angry and her eyes as red as the blood that was.

"Sorry, love. I had the worst kind of dream possible." I leaned forward and kissed her.

"What was that for?" She said blushing.

"I don't want to lose you, you're everything I have." I replied with sparkling eyes.

"Oh, Albert. I'm not going anywhere." She replied smiling.

I closed my eyes again, not to open them till next morning. The sun shone brightly through the middle of the curtains, its rays soothing. I turned my head to where my wife once lay, sighed and got up.

It's been a few years now, and I still would not get rid of the memories. As I carried my weight down the stairs bobbing left to right, I entered the kitchen. I poured myself a cup of yesterday's cold coffee and sat there, at the kitchen table, eating an old dry piece of toast. Its structure ripped the walls of my throat as it went down.

Having worn my black shirt, my black trousers and my black tie, I was completely camouflaged into this black life. Smiling at the thought I walked over to the graveyard- there she lay.

Megan Severs
1971-2008
"May time freeze after you"

I laid down facing the beautiful white stone. Smiling at it as I once did to Megan. It took me fifteen months to decide what to write underneath that beautiful name. It was until then that I realized that time is worthless without her.

"How are you today love?" I asked

I do not know why I always started the conversation with the same question, I never got a reply.

"You promised not to leave me..." I muttered

I was now crying again, as I often did when I was there. I took a white handkerchief from my left pocket and blew my nose. Getting up, I left the cemetery walking towards the sea. Its waves had once carried Megan, and only the sea would share my distress. While I was walking on the white sands, staring at the shining specs of bouncing light at sea, I noticed a grey ragged teddy bear, flung face down onto the sand and rocks. I picked it up, dusting it off with one had and holding it with the other.

"The teddy bear I hugged to go to sleep", the words shone at me from the plastic eyes, I could see them carved into the brown. There's a reason I dream of that note every night, and it's this. She killed herself, believing that I betrayed her trust. She took her life and my soul in one move. The doctors had said that she was schizophrenic, but I wouldn't believe them, I will not believe them.

"Come with me dear teddy, you carry memories of someone worth the world to me. Come."

An old man walked, hand in hand with a ragged teddy bear on that beach everyday for fifteen years.

Albert Severs
1969-2027
"His whole world froze"

Great story, very nice and more advanced than the old ones. The story can be understood literally and figuratively. I felt something missing in the story, but maybe that feeling is what makes it even better. Anyhow, it takes it nothing away from a very nice, well structured dramatic short story.

Keep it up

I have nothing to complain about. The description of Megan's suicide was amazing. I could see the bathroom scene so clearly. I'm not usually one for romantic stories, but for this one I'm willing to make an exception.

And there it was, the culprit that took my Megan away, between her perfectly carved breasts protruded a knife; shining at me, grinning with pleasure.
This was my favorite line.

Maybe its better that I killed myself instead, maybe you'll appreciate me better dead.
Then again, I really liked this one too...

First, Amazing story. It was an extremely touching piece. I was in tears at the end.

I see no grammatical errors. Well done.

I see no spelling errors, again, well done.

It was not meant to be the beginning of a novel, but I could see it as the end of one. It also works amazingly as a stand - alone short story.

Finally, Excellent job, and good luck with further writing.

I saw no mistakes in your writing, which is always good. The story in itself was beautiful, a man whose world ends when his wife dies. It's a topic that many people attempt to write, but your story was refreshing compared to the others. Thanks for sharing your story and I'd want to see more in the future.

Wow! This was a very touching story!! Really loved it!

But i didnt get the end. Like i think it was a little confusing; like how he was suddenly an old man! Maybe you could be a little bit clearer on that? If not, yeah i really liked it! I liked its depressive part to u_u

Nice story! It was very emotionally evocative and I really liked the slow reveal regarding the wife's schizophrenia.

However, there were a few things that tripped me up as I read your story:

anasn2 wrote:Dear Husband

This sounds too generic for a suicide note. Wouldn't she at least use his name (Albert) or a pet name? This was a bland beginning to a suicide note in an otherwise very emotional story.

anasn2 wrote:I wish I can go back to the time when I saw her bent over your desk, moaning joyfully

Again, I found a problem with your word choice here. Don't use the word "joyfully" here. It's not right for the scene or the general tone of the story. Maybe replace it with "in ecstasy" or something like that.

There were also a few spots where your word choice seemed oddly old school for a story set in contemporary times, using words like

anasn2 wrote: mistress

to describe the dead wife in the bathroom and

anasn2 wrote:unto

instead of "over". Just my opinion.

Again, great story! Keep it up!