Young Writers Society

I forgot the password to my "Tawera" account so I made a new one. This is like a more detailed version to the one I done before this one.


The Bracelet

I took the ticket from the driver and stood in the doorway of the bus. I looked down at Lisa. My heart was pounding fast as i tried to think of something to do or say. My hands trembling in my pockets. I looked at her face and she was staring right at me as if she were waiting for something and in a slight panic i thought of my bracelet that she admired. An idea came to mind.
"When are you leaving NZ?" I asked.
"Tomorrow" Lisa replied.
Lisa looked away from me and started looking at the ground.
"Lisa, I want you to have this" I said with a grin on my face.
"What!? Really?," Lisa was confused,"But you have had that for years...."
I cut her off "And now i want you to have it"
She raised her hands out to me. I grabed her hands and placed the bracelet in the centre of them.
"Take good care of it," I said with great sadness, "I plan on getting it back from you when i go to Germany"
Lisa fell silent. She was staring at the bracelet. The driver made a coughing gesture telling me that i needed to hurry up.
"Wait up" i said to the bus driver.
I hopped of the bus and hugged Lisa. The moment was awkward because I kept my feelings for her to myself just incase of rejection but i didn't want it to stop. The smell of her hair, the feel of her body against mine was intoxicating. I let her goand entered the bus and stood in the doorway again.
"Well..This is it German girl" I tried to hide my sadness from her.
"See ya later" I said with a huge grin on my face.
"I'll miss you heaps" Lisa replied.
The door shut and i stepped away and walked to my seat. I sat down and looked at her through the glass. She was playing with my bracelet. Lisa looked up to find me staring at her. She waved at me and blew a kiss. I smiled and gave her my trademark wink. We were staring into each others eyes. The bus started to move slowly away from the station but our eyes stayed fixed at their targets until the distance between us broke my stare and i was left look at my reflection in the glass. I released a big sigh "ohhhh....This sucks!"
I sank my head into my lap with disappointment and begain to question myself.
"Why didn't you tell her that you love her" "You should have kissed her"
I started to think about what i should have said and done to have created the outcome i was longing for. But i remember some advise Lisa had given me.
"If life starts to suck or you start doubting yourself just kick back and go with the flow"
I laughed at her when she said that to me, saying that she was spending to much time with us Kiwi's. It cheered me up. I sat up in my seat and ran my fingers through my hair.
"Keanu" I said to myself "Just kick back and go with the flow"
A smile came to my face but the girl of my dreams had just left.
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I want to write more soon. I was hoping to write quite a long short story. So this would be kinda chapter one

This is really cool! I can't wait to see more! I had some trouble reading it though because you had a few typos and said some weird things in it like "She was hanging out with us kiwi's". I didn't get that. I like the plot and everything, but it needs some work. Good job though! Keep writing!

Yeah. Us kiwis means New Zealanders."She was hanging out with us kiwi's" I said this because of our general kick back attitude towards things and that she had picked up our "Kick back-ness"

Hey there,
It was cute, I liked it. But there were some punctuation and grammar mistakes that distracted a bit from the story..corrections in red:

My heart was pounding fast as I tried to think of something to do or say. My hands trembling in my pockets. I looked at her face and she was staring right at me as if she were waiting for something and in a slight panic i thought of my bracelet that she admired.

"Tomorrow," Lisa replied.

"Lisa, I want you to have this," I said with a grin on my face.

I grabbed her hands and placed the bracelet in the center of them.

Here, 'in the center of them' sounds weird. Maybe just say I placed the bracelet in her hands.

"Take good care of it," I said with great sadness, "I plan on getting it back from you when I go to Germany."

Cut out the 'with great sadness'. It sounds dramatic, and it's telling, instead of showing. Show that he was sad.

Lisa fell silent. She was staring at the bracelet. The driver made a coughing gesture telling me that I needed to hurry up.
"Wait up," Isaid to the bus driver.
I hopped off the bus and hugged Lisa. The moment was awkward because I kept my feelings for her to myself just incase of rejection but I didn't want it to stop. The smell of her hair, the feel of her body against mine was intoxicating. I let her go, entered the bus and stood in the doorway again.

You get it, it just needs editing. Otherwise, it was cute. Well done.