Young Writers Society

deleted

Sister God Please you the lord is doing something in your soul because the will preach. I love the part when you said
The snapping out of the phase of numbness when you’re standing in the pulpit crying hard, and the looks of sympathy on the faces of people. The ones that should understand your heart, but they just don’t, no one ever will. No I love the part when you said the smell of bacon in the morning, simple things like that, or big things, like the ring on your own finger.

hehehe, thank you sis. I enjoyed reading your review!!!

this introduction is very heartfelt and moving
i enjoyed it very much

Two things to work on:
1. grabbing the attention of the reader instantly
2. bringing key point of story faster than what you had done

Keep up the good work and don't give up.

I really like this, you should write more stuff!
But I agree, you need a tad bit of work of catching the reader's attention.

Hey there!

So, this is quite short and I see these little bursts of really good writing! So, keep working and I'm sure you'll become a wonderful writer.
My main quip is that, although she is quite eloquent about the sadness and the darkness, a reader an empathize with your MC only when the emotion is strong from within the MC's heart. Work on that. Because when this emotion hits the reader, a reader will be hooked onto the story. Make us feel the pain, the darkness etc. Gorgeous words may not always do the trick. Rely on words that would send across raw emotion.

Keep writing!
~Lava

Neey, this is sad! I want to read more though so I guess it's good I loved that thing with "big things" and "little things" it was a sweet add to the piece I have one nitpick though; You said something about the others should understand your heart... I don't really see why they should though - you need some explaining here. WHY should they understand her? Have they been through something like her? Or is it because they were close to the dead one too? Or did you actually mean that they "Claim" to understand but really don't? Sort this out and this is a great start of something

Hope I could help!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Well this was quite touching! Cant wait to read the rest.