Spoiler! :
Circle
I’d been sitting in the dark crying, determined not to fall asleep. Maybe I would’ve managed today too if it weren’t for the fact that I’d done the same for the past three days and this time my exhaustion finally won. I fell down against my pillows and slipped back in time, straight down in to my reappearing nightmare.
“You have to believe me. It’s not what they say, it’s not what it seems.” He looked at me with pleading eyes… his stupid, pleading, doe-like eyes. He stood in front of me with his hands grasping around the bars and his ankles fetched with chains tied to the ground. He would be sentenced in only an hour, this was the last time I’d see him before then. When I stood here in front of him all I wanted was to set him free and hug and kiss and love him but I couldn’t let myself fall for his innocent façade again. It was exactly as they said. He was a thief and a traitor and he deserved what was coming for him.
“I came to say goodbye, no matter what happens in an hour I don’t want to see you ever again! I don’t trust you; I don’t believe you and I definitely don’t love you anymore.” I tried to sound confident but all I felt was pain. A striking pain that shot through my body like lightening and that finally ended up ripping my chest open… not literally, but that’s what it felt like. I dared to give him a last look and to both my relief and horror the same thing seemed to be happening to him. He had fallen down on his knees and was now panting as he looked at me with watery eyes filled with pain. It’s a lie, I tried to tell myself. All he does is lie, you can’t trust him, you can’t believe him and you definitely can’t let yourself love him anymore.
“Goodbye,” I sobbed and then I ran away from the dungeon, up the stairs and out in the sun. Once the sunlight shone in my face some of the darkness inside of me seemed to disappear, or at least hide, but most of it remained and made it hard to breathe, to see, to think.
When the trial began a circle formed around my traitor. When I reached it I couldn’t help but want to save him again. I had the same impulse every time I saw hib, even though I hated him for what he’d done I couldn’t help myself for I had loved him so very much once.
“The sentence for thievery is to have ones hand severed from the arm and the sentence for betrayal is to burn in the fires of hell. Therefore you will lose your hand right at this moment and when death meets you, you will burn!” The judge’s voice announced and I felt my non-existent heart shrink inside my chest and felt fear fill my lungs. “This is for stealing the heart of a young maiden!” the judge growled but I screamed, the thief screamed and every other person in the circle that surrounded him was screaming when the axe fell over the thiefs arm. I couldn’t stop what happened the next second, my feet just ran towards him and my mind didn’t stand a chance. I wrapped my arms around his trembling body. His hand lay dead on the ground in front of us, but it felt as if it was my heart.
“I hate you… I hate you so much.” I whispered in to his tangled, brown curls but I didn’t let go. We sat there in the circle for a very long time, he was bleeding and crying and I was weeping and screaming.
“I love you… I love you so much.” He finally whispered and broke himself loose from my grip. He crawled away from me… a few feet, before he turned around again and faced me.
“I love you this much.” He said and his innocent, unscathed arm crossed itself over his chest. His remaining hands resting where his heart was situated, I cried at the pain my own heart had suffered because of him. My heart was no longer mine, for he had stolen it, that’s why he’s in pain, because he deserves it, I assured myself. But then my nightmare took a twist as his nails cut through his chest and ripped his heart out. He through it on the ground in front of us and suddenly my words didn’t seem reassuring at all.
“Take it, take it and it’ll beat for you… leave it and it’ll beat for nobody.” He said and now both of his arms were bloody but he stretched them out towards me anyways, pleading me to embrace him, pleading me to accept his still beating heart.
“I don’t believe you.” I sobbed while tears ran down my cheeks and then his heart stopped beating and he fell dead down on the ground. I let out a heartbreaking moan and through myself at his lifeless body.
“Forgive me, relieve me and please come back to life!” I whispered before I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his cold ones. “What if I believe you now?”
I woke up trembling, just as always lately.
“I believe… what if I believe you now?” I cried in to the darkness that still surrounded me. It might have been a nightmare, but it was true. Maybe it hadn’t played out the way it did in my nightmare but the fact was that I hadn’t believed him, and now he was dead. No man shows greater love, then when a man lays down his love for his beloved. I’d been his beloved, but I hadn’t believed him… and now he was dead and he couldn’t forgive me, relieve me or come back to life.
“I trust you; I believe you and I love you still.” I whispered into the darkness one last time.
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