Young Writers Society

Plain Old Jane

You should have never gotten serious about her; she's a plain old Jane, sitting in the corner in all the classes, nibbling on an apple at lunch with a book sitting in her lap under the table because she thinks nobody will see it this way. Nobody is serious about her – it seems nobody even notices her, and she likes life that way, or liked it, anyways, before you came barging in.

But you couldn't just ignore her, could you? There's something about you that's too humane and nice to just leave her alone in her ordinary existence. You noticed the way she brushes her hair from her neck, and the way she makes funny faces when she reads during lunch. And by then it was just too late. You'd already fallen for her.

She's just a plain old Jane, you know. Just this girl who only likes the green gummy bears and hates the red ones, who likes action and suspense novels but then nearly cries when the main character dies, who is just like everyone else, with her head hanging low and one earphone tucked in her ear to block out the world.

You started out small. Casual conversations, ask what the time is, nod in the hallways. Slowly, little by little, she opened up to you. And you saw the world of a Plain Old Jane, the one that's touched with grey and tinged with snow. In her world, the streets are ancient and beautiful, and everything is cold, and all the colors had long since withered out along with the flowers. It seems as if nobody else exists in her world –no one was ignoring her, and if they were, it just turned into harmless white noise and melted in the snow.

But the more you saw, the more your heart started hurting. You wanted her to feel, really feel, with heat and splashes of vivid colors everywhere. And she couldn't, she couldn't, she just couldn't; you wanted her to, but she couldn't. She's just a plain old Jane, you see.

Your heart, so different from hers, began beating louder and louder and booming in your chest, pounding so hard that it nearly burst out and you could hold it in the palm of your hand and give it to her, put the whole thing in her fragile hand and watch the panicky expression take over her face as she'd start crying and whispering quickly like she does when she gets agitated.

She can't, it's not hers to take, and just – just stop it, okay? You're making her uncomfortable, and she really can't deal with this right now, this is serious, this is your heart we're talking about, it's not just some silly matter, and oh, would you stop looking at her that way?

She doesn't get involved, she never does, and you're trying so hard to make her serious, shoving your stunning, delicate heart into her hand, teaching her where all the dents are, all the unhealed holes and scars, and how big and warm it is as well. Plain Old Janes don't do this sort of thing, and her world was so cold and familiar and comfortable and now you have her so confused, so will you stop this once and for all?

Besides, it's really ridiculous, and she has no idea how to cope – you make her heart want to jump out of her chest , and that's just a very silly notion that she has absolutely nothing to do with, and then there's the wild-life that's grown on the inside of her stomach whenever you're near… And when you look at her, she can't breathe.

She's so scared. You know that. You can tell by the way she bats her eyelashes, jumps into puddles on her way home from school, brushes her bangs to hide her eyes.

And she's hurting, a lot. Just like everyone else, deep down, because everyone is fighting a battle – but her pain is special to you. Her pain hurts you too.

She's never tried to let anyone exist in her world before, but she… she promises she'll try, alright? Only if you promise to interlace your fingers together whenever she wants to, and let her breathe in the smell of your soap and skin. But… are you sure? Are you sure that you want all of her? Every little bit of this mess? She's really just a plain old Jane, you know, there's really nothing special about her.

Just don't force her, alright? It's a big transition, and she's going to need lots and lots of extra attention and hugs. Keep her safe. Because even as a plain old Jane, she loves you like crazy.

I'm not going to comment on any grammatical errors, because they're very slim, and hardly important. What I did want to say is that I find that you change tenses a bit in this. It's not something that's very noticeable, because of the point of view you're using, but I did notice it a bit. I think you were using past tense, but I'm not completely sure.
This story is interesting, not because of the story, but because you tell it in second person.
keep on writing, cheers

I enjoyed reading this story
The main idea behind the story is kind of over-done... but the way you wrote it made it unique. I like your writing style
It kept me interested and I could really connect with the character. Even though it wasn't from the character's point of view. I really like how you wrote it. I also like how you kept going back and saying "she is just a plain old Jane". I thought it strengthened the piece and your main character. I have to agree with the previous reviewer confetti about the tense being kind of weird. It wasn't obvious that you switched tenses but at some parts it didn't sound completely right either. I'm not the best with tenses either, and know that they can sometimes be confusing.

Anyways, I think you are a talented writer. I really liked this piece. Keep up the lovely work!

Wow, my heart was actually beating harder and harder as I read in anticipation. And no it wasn't the music I was listening too either. That was an amazing piece of work. You set us up, making us believe that "Oh, this is just an ordinary story, lalala, lalala, lalala 'SHABAM'" and that is when you hit us hard with their love. Everything about her seemed so ordinary, the green gummy bears, the apply, the music, and the book. I was seriously wondering, "How does this get any different from the bajillion other stories?" But I'll admit your style had me hooked and it was very good in this scenario.

I love the most though, how you never straight out say anything. You talk about the dents in your heart rather than saying, "the pains of my past" or something along those lines. A lot of your sentences are run ons, but I think it's best to read them that way, faster, harder, and with more wild passion.

Hey there,
I really really liked this!! It was very interesting. Very well-written, I love your style. Keep it up!