Spoiler! :
I woke up wrapped tight in warm blankets. It had been a cold winter night. I had cried myself to sleep...
I remembered.
It was after the fight. After the screaming, the yelling, the pain, the tears, the blood.
He had promised never to do it again. I believed him
He had told me he loved me. I believed him.
Sitting up, I cried; cried for my sorrows, my pain, my life, my love. Why had I chosen him? What made me say yes? I knew he was a monster, I knew his anger would eventually get out of hand. So why had I stayed?
I quietly got out of bed in case he was still home. I snuck through the house, my heart pounding, expecting to see him at every turn, in every room. Was I really supposed to be this cautious in my own house? When I didn't see him, I finally decided he had gone to work. I went back to our room and packed my things.
Ten minutes later, I lugged my suitcases out into the hall. I paused for a second and looked around. This had been my home for the past three year, the most agonizing years of my life.
My gaze landed upon the mirror above the hall table. I saw a woman, but I had never seen her before. How was it that I wasn't able to recognize myself anymore? Had it really gotten this bad?
Yes.
My face was black and blue, shades of purple mixed in. I counted them all, every bruise. There were five. My fingers lifted to my face and I watched them in the mirror. My reflection was there, but was I really there? Sure my body was still existant, but my soul, where was it? Where was my life, my happiness?
I pulled my eyes away from my reflection and caught a glimpse of something sitting on the table. It was a perfectly folded piece of computer paper with my name written on the front. It was from my husband. Computer paper, how fancy. My hands shook as I began to read:
Dear Lilly,
I love you. I always have. You're so beautiful. When I look into your deep blue eyes, run my hand through your blonde hair, feel your touch; I just can't think. You're my whole life. Don't leave because of some stupid mistake. I can take care of everything. No more. There will be no more pain, no more suffering. I love you and that's all you need to know. Love can get us through this. I promise I won't do it again. This time it's for real. Please believe me. Don't leave.
Love always,
Jesse
I held the note close to my heart, my head spinning. I didn't know what to think. This was how it started the first time. He had acted loving and then, nothing. Two weeks after our wedding, he was already all over me. Our new life wasn't going the way he had planned, so he took out his anger on me.
I thought back to the night before. I saw his face; the fury inside of him. He acted as if he hated me. It was as if he didn't care. I felt the pain; his hand striking me, his tight grip on me, keeping me still. Tears had flowed from my eyes, staining the wounds, trying their hardest to was it all away.
And then he had suddenly let go. His breathing became labored and he looked at me, a look of pure horror on his face. He had realized what he had done to me, and he was sorry. He had cradled me in his arms, wiped away my tears, all while wisphering his apologies. That's when I felt it: the security I had felt when we were first dating.
I shook the memories from my head and focused on the problem at hand. I looked from the suitcase to the letter and back as a war broke out in my mind. I had to decide what was more powerful; what he told me or my choice.
A sweet aroma reached my nostrils just as I was picking up my suitcase. I found a single lily on the floor just below the hall table. Smelling it, I smiled. I could give him another chance, right?
Just one more...
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