Young Writers Society

A story I wrote while being bored in Science class lol. Enjoy!





Falling Stars



We walked through the trails in the park, enjoying all around us. I squeezed your hand and pointed to the night sky. You looked up just in time to see the thousands of stars start to fall out of the heavens above.

“Meteor shower,” I said. I smiled as you gasped with delight at the breathtaking sight. Your eyes sparkled, reflecting the flashes of light passing us in the sky.

“It’s beautiful!” she said while turning to look at me. That’s when I took my chance. I grabbed her hands and looked into her deep crystalline blue eyes. I could see the surprise in her eyes when I did that.

“I love you.” I said as more gleams of light fell from the sky. She gasped a little as the words came out of my mouth. She slid her hand around to my back and embraced me in a tight hug.

“I love you too.” she whispered in my ear. I felt my heart get heavy at those words and wished upon every star falling that this moment would never end. She broke the embrace and stared into my eyes.

Slowly, she inched forward towards my face. I started doing the same thing, not realizing that I was. A soft brush came against my lips as we shared our first kiss under the falling stars.

This was the moment that I would remember forever...

Hi. That was an awsome story! It was very sweet and romantic. I'm simply amazed that you actually wrote something like that in your science class. That was a little risky but anyway, your writing skills are shown here. You're a very good writer and do post more stories. I'm sure people will like to review them.

Hey there! I think you have a nice piece here. Its a bit short, which is totally okay. I had a few iffs with this piece. One was that the descriptions, though the ones that you gave us were in depth and pleasing, there weren't enough of them. You have a beautiful scene. But who is this boy? Who is this girl? Are they new, young love, are they nervous? How did they come about to being here, in the middle of nowhere. Not just the ride there, or the walk, but what happened to make them fall in love? I know that sometimes, the lack of knowledge is what really makes a piece, but a few minor things here and there to let us know more about what the characters are feeling would be nice I think. Maybe thats just me though.

Also. This is also just me I think, but I think the piece could have been a lot more satisfying if we could relate to it a bit more. I think the scene is beautiful, but show us that any other day for them is average and normal, and that this one night is the most perfect thing that has ever happened. Subtle hints about these sorts of things makes a story that much more breathtakingly gorgeous.

Also also, take all of my comments as a grain of salt. You have a beautiful piece here, especially for one sitting in the middle of science class =] This is really great. You had beautiful descriptions and let us get a look into a sweet moments that lets us show how powerful and mystical young love can be. Beautiful writing =]

Howdy hi

This is a very short piece. It's a nice memory, but I'm not sure it's a story. It's lacking a lot of stuff that is real essential to a good story. Here's a bit of a list: Beginning/intro, conflict, resolution, characters, character development, setting....You get my point! While this is... interesting, it's just missing a lot. It's not a story yet. As it stands, there's really no reason for me to read it. What do I get out of it but someone else's memory? I don't care about them!

Readers are selfish. Give them a reason to care!

I may not consider this a short-story but a wonderful romantic moment written in a simple yet meaningful way. I wonder how you got inspired to read this in a science class. It was so beautifully written, well done with that!
In order to turn it into a short-story, you should give it more descriptions to the place, the two young lovers and a longer introduction and to the ending as well. You were just focusing on one scene and a one moment.

Overall, it is an amazing piece to read. I am looking forward to read more of your literary works.

Hello there. Honestly, I read this because the title is the same with David Archuleta's song. xD

Anyway, I've got nitpicks for you:

We walked through the trails in the park, enjoying all around us.

- The 'all' here is vague. Put some more imagery here so that the reader's imagination will already start wandering at the beginning of the story.

(...) stars start to fall out of the heavens above.

- This isn't a necessary nitpick, but I think it's more appropriate to use 'down from' instead of 'out of' here.

“Meteor shower,” I said. I smiled as you gasped with delight at the breathtaking sight.

- Try rewriting this to: "Meteor shower," I said, smiling as you gasped with delight at the breathtaking sight.
- Also, show, don't tell. I'm sure you've read that phrase before. (Sorry for not explaining. )

“I love you.” I said as more gleams (...)

- Use a comma instead of a period at the end of dialogues.

I felt my heart get heavy at those words (...)

- 'heavy' and 'at' seem to be the wrong words here.


I like the simplicity of this story, but it came out a little too short for me. You could've described the moment more. Use imageries, like what I said in one of my nitpicks. That way, the moment is captured, like in a photo or recorded in a video.

Anyway, sorry if I sounded rude or anything. >.<

Never stop writing!