Young Writers Society

Today was a horrible day.

I walked through the door of my home. Soaked wet. And dirty. Curtsy of the natural balance that is the weather and the culprits. Eggs and flour and rain water have had pelted me head-to-toe.

My mom, hearing me enter through the front door, had gotten up from the couch. "Hey hon - Oh my god! What happened?! You angered God and he sent chickens after you?" Her short yet quick form dashed to the closet in our hallway, and gotten out some towels being stored there. I dropped my book bag on the floor and sighed. "No.. and no. It was nothing, mom." It was a sort of half lie.
"Lexy."
"Mom."

There was a moment of silence as we stared each other down. My mother gave in, and sighed. "Fine, whatever. Just trying to worry about the well being of my only daughter."

In truth, it was a certain troublesome pair of twins that happened to be my neighbors down the street and had no sense of humor. Just mischievous minds. Should've saw it coming. The wire and the trap in the tree house. Ten year olds were getting more creative. And evil.

"Go get changed. I'll start dinner."
"Okay mom."

Tearing off the sticky and ruined clothing of which that was stained with eggs, flour, and rainwater, I threw them into a laundry basket. The shower had warm water, but I made it quick, because there may not be enough for mom's midnight shower that she always took after work. She was a writer. And this dingy apartment was the best she could afford when she lost the house, but it was comfortable enough for the two of us.

Down I went with my baggy pJ's and tank, leaping onto the couch as soon as I entered the living room. The television was still on. I sighed. The warmth and comfort of which that was home. Much better than frantically running home only to get bombed by spawns of the devil and then hoping that no one saw you looking so ridiculed and ridiculous. It was rather humiliating. I'd have to go get those twins back later.

The phone rang. "Would you go get that? It might be Martha!" My mom's voice was heard from the kitchen. Martha was her editor. Warm and kind woman, really. But oh hell, she was a real scary sudden 'switch', when it came to manuscripts and deadlines. I shuddered slightly. The phone kept ringing.

There was a distinct scent of seafood. Mom was probably trying to cook salmon again. "Alexis Rosemund Reid! You better go get that phone!" Oh great. The 'I'm-being-serious-now-and-if-you-don't-do-what-I-asked-you-you'll-regret-it-later' tone. But did she had to use my full name? Rosemund.. what kind of middle name was that?

"Okay, okay! I'm on it!" Although I wasn't in the mood to, I got up from the couch nevertheless, and picked up the phone in the corridor. Sarcastically, I didn't bother to check the caller ID. "Hey, this is the Reid residence, how may I assist you now?"

"Is this Lexy?" I swore that I had a heart attack.

It was him. Seth Harper. It was his voice. It was my crush. There was only enough time in the world to just.. stare and admire such a gorgeous thing in math and science classes. Though the fact that he still had my number shocked me. The study group we had together was practically 4 months ago. After that.. just was more staring and quick glances. With the occasional moments of our eyes meeting..

Okay Alexis, back to reality.

"Uhm, yes?" I squeaked. A smile broke out in such a wide grin that it almost hurt, but I tried to keep it in check so my voice wouldn't sound so enthusiastic. I shifted how I stood.
"Hey, I just wanted to-"
The sound of someone stealing his phone could be heard and I frowned. "Hey Lexy?" It was a different voice. Who was this? "Just wanna to tell you that.. He loves you. Bye."

Well, who ever it was, hung up. I blinked, and pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it like it I was crazy. About a minute later, the phone rang again. Someone called back, it was Seth. "Hey! Sorry, That was my friend ..." He paused. "He's really crazy ..."

My heart sank. "Oh. T-that's okay." I was hoping that he'd confirm that sudden confession.
There was a another pause. "..But I really do you love you. Bye." Beep.

My mom walked in. "Hey! Dinner's ready!" The smell of burnt cooking. "Who was it? What happened?"
"Oh, it was nothing, mom." I put the phone back.
"Really?" She didn't sound convinced, as I turned around to look at her, there was this twinkle in her eye and amused smile on her face. "Then tell me, what's with the wide grin on your face?"

Today was a good day. A really good day.
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It has been such a long since I wrote in first-person. Feels sort of awkward.

Inspired by a 'like' on a Facebook thing. Sort of based off of a true story. Sorry to the person who posted it for sort of stealing it. If it was yours, I could credit you, if you'd like.

Also inspired by a certain book: Sudden Fiction. Collection of short-short stories. I love them. Here is a short-short. Hopefully quality makes up for quantity?

Review?
~ItsRainbowInked

The story over-all seemed to be quite interesting. The only constructive criticism I have is the changing of verb tenses within the story from past to present. For example:

I walked through the door of my home. Soaked wet. And dirty. Curtsy of the natural balance that is the weather and the culprits. Eggs and flour and rain water have had pelted me head-to-toe

I think that using either or "have" and "had" would have been fine. I don't think the use for both were necessary, unless it was a typo. Also, the third line in the quoted content above has a grammar error. The use of commas would have been a better suited way to describe the things that were pelted onto the character from head to toe. "Eggs, flour, and rain water had pelted me head-to-toe".

Hey! This is an interesting story. I like the overall feeling of it; it's casual and not overly wordy.

I walked through the door of my home. Soaked wet. And dirty.

This sounds a little bit off to me. Maybe you could've combined it into once sentence in the following manner: "I walked through the door of my home, soaked wet and dirty." I think it would have had a better flow that way. Just a suggestion.

My favorite part of the story was the way you started and ended it. In the beginning, you were having a horrible day, but by the time the story ended, your day was great. Isn't it amazing how talking to someone special can make your whole day better?

Nice work!!! Keep writing!!

Aww, it's adorable! I like how the character seems so real, and how by the time the phone rings I feel like I've known her for a few chapters, when really it was half of a short-short story It's also well written in the way you tell so much of a story in a short version of it. I didn't see any holes, which is a good thing! Good job