Young Writers Society

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Omg. This has honestly left me a little breathless. It's a wounded girl, unknowingly stripped to her core by a stranger, but one who is willing to ease the wounds. Geez, this is honestly too amazing for words. I certainly don't have any critiques about it, only opinions.

It flows like poetry; but because of its format, it isn't exactly poetry. It gives a different message, maybe even a more direct message. I like it, for that aspect. But I think it would have also been interesting if it was set as poetry. Depending on the way you broke it all down, I think that maybe you could have emphasized different things more.

Well, so I think i was just sort of stating the obvious. Sorry if this became irrelevant... Haha I just liked it a lot.

If you're describing "The Swan" in the Carnival of Animals by Saint Saens, then BRAVO! If that piece was to be interpreted into words, this would be exactly it. "The Swan" is a magnificent piece. Absolutely beautiful, sad, and elegant, just like your writing. Although, if I'm wrong and this isn't about that song, well.. it's still equally brilliant. And, if you have heard it, which I really do believe you have, then I applaud you for thoroughly understanding the mood and theme of the song. If "The Swan" was only to be read on paper, then this is what it would read like. Hahaha, I'm sorry too if this wasn't a very good review, but I like it a lot too! =D Because of this, I'm going to follow you! XD

Wow. This was really confusing, but once I re-read it.... wow. I think you used words, and told but didn't show. I could see a girl who had been hurt, then I remembered the music... Some stranger came by to help her I guess? It was really hard to follow, so, maybe if you re-read and edited pieces of this to make sense and show more and not tell, it would help.
You had a direct message, though. And a great way of manipulating your words to make them flow like poetry. That is always a good thing to know how to do.
I also like how you explain that she is hurting and is either singing or playing some kind of instrument. It's great because how you describe it, is that she is playing her heart and soul out into her music, and, being a musician, that's amazing to read about.

It was also interesting how she couldn't see him, yet he thought her beautiful, and "Would kiss her neck with his whispering lips, brush, like bow on string." I thought that was pretty sweet.

Overall, you seemed like you really had thought this out. And that maybe the music was symbolic like her outlet for her to escape maybe.
great read, and absolutely wonderful
--Ash

Oh wow wow wow *gushes*
I love the fact that this has two meanings.
Am I right?
I always feel silly when I get the meanings of things wrong, which is why I'm not going to tell you what I think this is about. But... can you tell me? xD I'd love to know.

This is so much more concrete on feelings and senses than most romantic stories usually are, which I love. Most people don't really have such a way with words, that they can pull this sort of thing off.

She hurts like pressing sadness, not sadness but pride, inside her, deep deep deep. She wants it out. Away.

Low, rumbling resonance, sweet and thick, the cut of the bow across the string. It fills, it forgets.

These are the parts that kind of throw me off balance slightly.
I mean, I'm not saying they're not good.
Your whole piece of writing is actually fantastic.
But to start with, I thought that I was reading something blood-related when I read those parts.

Um... Sorry. I'm not... I don't really review very well But I'm just tryn'a let you know that this is good, and I love reading things like this in particular. I want to read more of your work!


This kind of writing is very special, and I wish that I could write in this kind of style. You have a good way with words.
(Unlike me! Paha.)

Good Luck,
Emmzziee