“So really, all you need to do is substitute the x and y values and divide the sum of the x value by itself. That way you’ll have x singled out and then figuring out y is easy.”
I stared down at the array of numbers and letters in my textbook. I try to make sense of what Josh has said, but just like every other time, my mind draws a blank,
I looked up into his expectant eyes- gosh, what a perfect shade of blue- and fumble over my words in embarrassment, “I... I don’t follow.”
His shoulders fell. I understood his exasperation with me; we’d been in the library for a good forty-five minutes now. I assumed he wanted to get home by this point- I know I did. I hated the library. It was too... quiet. Too peaceful. I felt like something was going to come out from behind a book shelf and snatch me, and take me into the depths of the cold silence.
Libraries, I had concluded long ago, were stupid.
“Ellie,” He sighed, but didn’t finish the thought out loud. I know what he was thinking: that was I stupid, and clueless, and would never pass tenth grade algebra even if he tutored me until sunup.
“Maybe...” I bit my lip, hating that my cheeks were warm and I was probably blushing now. “Maybe we should just call it a day. I’ll work on it later, Josh.” I started to pull my chair out from underneath the table, but Josh laid a hand on my shoulder.
Sigh.
My insides jerked about, even when he stopped touching me. “You don’t have to leave yet, Ellie. I know math isn’t the easiest subject. Besides, we all suck at something.”
I cringed. “We all suck at something... excluding you.” I said pointedly.
Josh smiled. “You do know that I failed French last year, right?”
I did not, in fact, know this. “French is a stupid class.” I said anyway. “I got a B.”
He shrugged. “You did better than me, Ellie. And math? Math is confusing, and random. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever need to know anything about x, or y, or anything else along those lines later in life, but we just have to tough it out, right?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I was not exactly soft spoken or anything, but sometimes I could not utter a comprehendible word around Josh. I don’t really know how I worked up the guts to ask him to tutor me in the first place. It had all been a blur.
What I did know, was that I’d been head over heels for Josh since the start of high school, when we bumped into each other in the hallway on the first day. He'd been so kind as to pick up my books for me. I didn’t even know his name at the time, but I heard the halleluiah chorus play in my head and I could picture the two of us together, walking away into the sunset.
Unfortunately, there were two things in the way of that ever happening. The first being that I never knew what to say around him. The second being that he has a girlfriend. Her name is Tara, and she is perfect. You know, tall, blond, athletic... perfect.
Sigh.
“So Ellie, what subjects do you like, or excel in?”
I knew he was just trying to make me feel better. I appreciated the effort, but it still bothered me that I couldn’t understand the math homework.
“I like English.” I responded dully. “Music, too.”
“Oh yeah, you’re in the band, right? You play the saxophone.”
I held back a smile. “Yeah, tenor.”
“I played the alto back in public school, but I couldn’t blow into it without squeaking.” He chuckled. “See? I’m not good at music either. I bet you get straight A’s in that class.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that band is not a class.
Instead, I looked at the giant clock hanging on the far end of the library. “It’s almost 4 o’clock, Josh. I should get going.” I stood from my seat and gathered my books.
He nodded understandingly, following suit. “We could meet tomorrow after school, if you want.”
I could not believe what I said next. “What about Tara? She isn’t getting worried about you spending all this time with someone else?”
Josh gave me a funny look. “I broke up with Tara like, a month ago, Ellie.”
My heart sank into my stomach. “Oh.” My voice was a few octaves higher than I’d intended. Somehow, in the mist of my Josh-obsession, I’d missed this vital piece of information.
“In fact,” He said with a slight smirk, leaning onto the back of the chair he’d just been sitting on. “For a while there, I thought you were just pretending to be bad at math just so I could tutor you.”
I nearly fainted. “Then what? You realized that I actually do stink at math?”
He laughed. “That, and then I decided I didn’t care what you’re motives were for asking me. Because...” He smiled in a shy kind of way, and his sky blue eyes peeked up at me. “I came to the realization that I like you, Ellie. Horrible Algebra skills and all.”
The only logical explanation was that I was dreaming.
Only... I wasn’t.
“I like you, Josh.” I finally said. My heart was beating rapidly within my chest, and my hands were shaking. “That is partially why I asked you to tutor me.” I said, walking slowly by his side to the library entrance. “But, like we’ve already established, I am a fail at math.”
Then, Josh –with his amazing blue eyes- leaned forward and kissed me softly on the cheek.
My prayers had been answered.
I was about to smile and thank him in the cutest way I would manage, but suddenly the glass door in the front of the library swung open from the outside and smacked me in the face, sending me onto my backside.
“Falling head over heels for me, Ellie?” Josh laughed as he helped me to my feet.
I blushed, mortified. “I hate math.” I rubbed the side of my face that the glass door hit. “But I hate the library even more.”
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