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Young Writers Society


No Matter What



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Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:05 am
LiveLifeLoud says...



Spoiler! :
Oooo-kay. This was a school project, the assignment was "writing outside your comfort zone". Safe to say, this is fairly outside my comfort zone. I don't enjoy writing romance- just not my thing honestly. Thankfully, it suited my mother/teacher. However, I'm not pleased with it. Besides the over cheesiness of story and plot, I'd love all the help possible, thanks muchly!


“No, wait, he can’t leave. I’ll crawl inside of myself again. If only I could tell him. I wonder if it’s too late to say yes?”
That’s when she sees him; her ‘knight in shining armor’. Only, problem is, he’s been hurt, so now he looks like a dejected brown haired soul, his eyes a darker shade of blue. It hurts to see him like this.
Without hesitation, her hands shoot into the air, willing his attention. Watching him turn and walk towards the terminal, she knows that she must do the impossible.
“Okay, you can do this. Just form the word. All you have to do is say his name. I can do this!"
Wetting her lips and taking a deep breath, she says her first word in over nine years-

3 Months Before


“Gosh Keith, all you have to do is say “hello” to her. Why won’t the words come out? It would be rude to ignore her, smiling and nodding might be a little rude as well. For crying out loud! What is it about this girl? I’ve never been tongue-tied before.”
Keith’s grandmother had told him about her yesterday. The little lady had been orphaned at the tender age of nine, and has lived with her grandparents ever since. “Oh she’s such a sweet girl, you’ll love her,” His grandmother had told him. He tried to remember her name, yet failed.
“P-something… Patricia? Patsy? Penny? No, none of those; eh, she’ll probably tell m- OW!”
He looked at his right arm as a small finger sized bruise started to form. Dumbfounded, he looked at his grandmother who was scowling at him in return. When he noticed her head quickly jerk to the side, pointing in front of him, he remembered the seemingly impossible task of saying “Howdy-do” to the pretty lady.
“H-hi, I’m K-Keith.” Sticking out his hand, Keith gave her a full grin, while inwardly kicking himself for stuttering.
Awkwardly she stuck her small petite hand into his large calloused one and gave him a small smile, then nodded and shook his hand. Interested, Keith watched a blotch of red creep about her face. Reluctantly, he let go of her hand and shifted to shake her grandparent’s hands.
“What is her name? Why didn’t she say anything? Oh well, maybe she’ll say something later. Perhaps she just needs to warm up.”

~~~


All through dinner Keith watched as the pretty lady said nothing, yet used her face to let her emotions out. If her grandfather mentioned how hot the weather was already, she would widen her eyes and nod with enthusiasm. When her grandmother mentioned how poorly her brother was doing, the pretty lady would sigh and hang her head slightly with a pained look in her eyes.
Keith felt sure he would find her ‘act’ annoying after a while. However, try as he may, she remained the most interesting person he’d ever met.
Later that night, after their guests left, Keith got settled into bed. His grandparents went to bed very shortly after they left, leaving Keith with a million questions (give or take a few).
"That was the best dinner I’ve ever eaten, and I didn’t even taste the food. For crying out loud, I don’t even remember what I ate, but watching her was breathtaking."

~~~


“Hey, Grandpa?” Keith ventured.
“Yes?”
“Why didn’t the young lady say anything last night? Is she always so silent?”
Grandfather’s brow wrinkled, “Didn’t your grandmother tell you? She’s remained mute since her parents died. The doctors said there’s nothing wrong with her, she just got so depressed that she decided not to talk.”
“She seemed happy enough, not depressed at all.”
“No, she most likely is over everything by now. It’s probably easier not to talk. She’s safe inside her 'bubble', if you will, when she doesn’t talk.”
“Oh, well, thanks. One more thing though?”
“Uh hu?”
“Do you think I could find a summer job around here? You know; something to keep me out of trouble.” Keith grinned.
“Actually, Mr. Mason, the lady’s grandfather, is looking for some help on his farm this summer. They have a couple pregnant cows, new puppies, and they’re trying pigs this year. Plus the cornfield and all the other numerous things he has on that farm, he needs some help.”
“Mkay, I’ll look into that, thanks.”

~~~


“Thank you so much, sir. I’ll see you tomorrow morning bright and early then.”
“No son, thank you! This here farm is gonna be a hassle this year; I need all the help I can get.”
After getting a detailed tour of the Mason farm, Keith was excited about getting to work there all summer.
Keith was about to open the truck door when he saw ‘her’, sitting in a swing on her front porch with her grandmother.
“Eh, why not give it a shot, maybe I can get her to talk.”
“Howdy Mrs. Mason. Nice day isn’t it?”
“Well, hello Keith. Yes, it’s a grand day. Will we be seeing more of you around this summer?”
“Yes ma’am, your husband has hired me on to help out.”Keith grinned and turned to the ‘quiet one’, “I don’t believe I caught your name last night, ma’am.” He watched as her cheeks turned a shade of pink. It was obvious her grandmother wasn’t going to tell him, and neither was she, so he grinned again and said the first thing that came to mind, “Well, if nobody will tell me, I’m going to have to make one up.”
The ‘quiet one’ gave Keith a smile as big as the Texas sky. She didn’t make a sound as her grandmother chuckled; he pretended to tip a hat, bid them farewell, and left. Out of the corner of Keith’s eye however, as he was driving off, he saw Mrs. Mason smile and waggle her eyebrows at a flushed granddaughter. He smiled, already planning out his way to get to know this mysterious 'gal

~~~


During the summer, Keith learned everything possible about the young lady, except for her name, that is. Seemed nobody wanted to share that tidbit of knowledge. So, every time he saw her (which had become more often), he would give her a random name, she would shake her head and grin playfully.
He had taken to talking to her about anything and everything; from his childhood, to his family, from things that bothered him, to the dream he had the night before about a monkey wearing a sombrero.
This day was special though. This was the day he was going to ask her to be with him till they died. Keith had already talked to his family, and asked her grandfather’s permission. He decided to ask her right after dinner. He would walk over to her house and ask her if she might accompany him on a walk. Then, he’d ask her, and she’d nod, and after he said “I love you”, maybe, just maybe, she’d say “I love you, too”, but he wouldn’t push her. Never.
However- Not everything went as planned. He got her to go for a walk with no problem; he even asked her the ‘big question’. That’s where things went wrong-
“Will you marry me? Please, ma’am?” Keith expected her to nod, smile, hug him, kiss him, or something, but not this. “What’s wrong? No, no, don’t cry, it’s okay. Y-you don’t have to answer me now, it’s alright. I’m sorry if it’s to sudden, but I couldn’t wait any longer. Young lady, I’ve fallen in love with you, and it’s not going to change, I’ll always love you, no matter what.”
At this point, he didn’t know what to expect. Running wasn’t even a thought though. But that’s what she did, shook her head and ran with tears streaming down her face in large quantities.
“What now? Did I do something wrong?”
Walking home was tough for Keith, but it had to be done.
~~~

The next day was the last day Keith worked for Mr. Mason. The summer was officially over, the cornfield was plowed, winter wheat planted, and he was leaving for home the day after.
“How is she, sir?”
“She’ll be okay. Do something for me though, don’t give up. Not after all you’ve done for her. Honestly, I’ve never seen her as happy as she was this summer with you around. If anybody can get her to talk, or has enough patience for her, it’s you son.”
“Thank you, sir. I’ll always love her, no matter what.”
“I know.”
“Do you mind my asking though, what her name is?”
“That, you’ll have to learn from her.” Mr. Mason grinned.
Keith mocked a large sigh, “Oh well, worth a shot I guess.”
~~~

Looking around the room Keith had occupied for the summer, and part of the fall, he felt depressed, “Don’t worry Keith, you’ll be back.”
“Time to go, Keith! We’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon.” His grandmother shouted down the hall.
“Yes ma’am, I’m coming.” Yep, he loved it here. Keith looked out his window to a house off in the distance; he was really going to miss her.
“I won’t give up."
He walked down the hallway and out to the truck. Rode to the airport with his grandparents, said his goodbyes, went to check in his suitcase, and started towards his terminal-
That’s when he heard his name, said by a familiarly unfamiliar voice, “K-Kei-Keith!”

Present Time


“K-Kei-Keith!” She covers her mouth, surprised to find that her voice actually works.
“Please, please, turn around Keith! I love you, really, I do!”
Her heart skips a beat when he turns around with the biggest grin she’s ever seen, and he looks right at her. Running, she quickly catches up with him and he wraps his arms around her in a big hug.
“Well, hello ma’am!” His eyes dance as he pretends to tip a hat, as usual. “Was my mind playing tricks on me, or did I hear you say my name?”
She nods, surprised at herself to find that she actually wants to talk, “Yes, s-sir.”
“So, while I have you talking so much- I never did get your name.”
“It’s P-Peace.”
“Peace.” Keith didn’t say anything for a few moments, “Peace. Well, Ms. Peace, it’s a pleasure to meetcha. I’ve never heard a lovelier name as yours. I have one more question though Ms. Peace, will you marry me? Cause I love you something desperate.”
“Yes Keith, yes! I love you too, forever and always!”Grinning, she kisses him and cries with tears of joy.
“I’ll love you no matter what, my Peace.”

The End (Finally)
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189 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 398
Reviews: 189
Tue Sep 27, 2011 5:21 am
manisha says...



i totally loved it!
you have the knack of making reader read your work on and on!
the way it begins, love it!
Peace. you just coudn't have got a better name! its perfect.
When Peace turns him down, i think there should have been a more descriptive display of Keith's emotions. he obviously is in deep love with her and not mentioning his hurt and pain seems a bit unfair.
Keith earning a job on the farm which belongs to Mr.Mason, Peace's granddad, seems too short or rather obvious. otherwise you stole the plot.
love the ending. congratulations!
keep writing!
If Novels are a bucket of imagination, Short story is a bucket of imagination made to fit a mug.
  





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Fri Sep 30, 2011 2:05 pm
Deanie says...



I loved this writing ever so much! Romantic stories might not be your style, but I loved it. I loved the whole idea that she never talks and all. I found that great. And I loved how you started with Peace's point of view in the future, then went back and talked about the story through the eyes of Keith, before returning to her.

I hope you write another, I really really do! If you ever do please message me or wall post me or something so I know!

It was such a sweet ending.

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
  





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Points: 1427
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Sun Oct 02, 2011 8:54 am
Omnihat says...



That's cute. For someone who says romance is out of their comfort zone, you've done a very good job. It is a little cheesey, but that's okay. Romance's are allowed to be like that, which is one of the reasons people like them.
I love the way you start with Peace, then change to Keith, then go back to Peace. It helps the reader get to know each character much quicker and easier, which is good in a short story.

A couple things:
Get rid of the 'Finally' at the end.

And more seriously:
The time skips are a little confusing.
You say 'three months before' which is the start of summer, then run through summer, then say 'present time' which is okay, but it's just a little strange.

Apart from that I don't really have much to say though. Loved it!
  








I would rather die of passion than of boredom.
— Émile Zola