Young Writers Society

(I have dyslexia so I know full well my punctuation skills are not good. please don't critique on them. I am posting this for fun, I wrote it ages ago and I know it is sappy. if you wish to comment go for it!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why do you love me?” he asked his eyes clouded, she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Why do I love you?” she paused and drew back to get a good look at his face, placing her hands on the sides of his face and feeling the rough stubble.

“Let's see." she said biting her lip in mock seriousness. " I love your eyes. They sparkle with mirth and a devilry that is horrid”

He smiled and low chuckle rumbled through him, she continued trying to hold in her own giggle. “ I love your laugh. The sound reverberates through the room making everyone else in the room laugh right along with you. I love your smile. How your face lights up." she toyed with the locks of hair that fell into his face, tugging them lightly.

" I love your hair. In the sun it looks like fine strands of gold and how you can never keep it neat.” Her hands slid to his shoulders, she could feel the hard muscles underneath his thin shirt.

“I love your shoulders. You let me cry on them and never laugh at me." a light blush dusted her cheeks. " And someday they will be the favorite seats of our children." She placed her hands on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat.

“I love your chest. The comfort I find laying my head against it and feeling your heart beating inside- knowing what a good heart is there.” her hands slid back up and to his arms which she guided to her waist.

“I love your arms. How strong they are and how I feel safe being held in them.” she held up her small hand invitingly, he took it in his own huge paw.

“I love your hands. So strong and fierce in battle, yet so gentle and warm with me.” she looked into his eyes, they no longer looked worried or unsure. He bent down and gently kissed her, sending tingles up and down her spine. when he pulled back she wrapped her arms around him again.

“but out of all the things I love about you- I love your kisses most of all. Because, I can see all of your heart through your kisses.”

Well, it's a fairly nice ramble of descriptive prose, but I think you should Google 'purple prose' and read a Wikipedia article on it.
What I mean to say is that this story fits its title perfectly. XD
Sorry for being harsh, but it really could be improved.
For starters, try having the guy say a little more than just his line at the beginning. Also, make less of it dialogue and add a little bit of action sentences: sentences that describe movement or actions in some way.
I'm not gonna go any further, since I realized just now (XD) that you posted this simply for fun. however, if you follow my directions I'm fairly certain you could make your fun a little better.
Toodles,
Jenth

Hey,

For someone with dyslexia, you did pretty well in my opinion.
Sure, maybe some touch ups here and there could make it really really good.
But as you said, it's just for fun.
Aren't we all just writing for a bit of fun?
If it is something you love to do, stick to it and never let anyone get you down.
I like the content, but maybe thats just me being the lovey dovey person I am.
Love romantic themes, even if they probably wouldn't happen in real life.
It reminded me of something a girl would probably write, but I see that your a guy and its good to see a guy stepping out of the blood and guts horror zone that guys are usually fixed to, as far as I can tell.
Stick to what you love doing, especially if it makes you happier as a person.
Happy writing

-- Ever.

This is really cute, and I liked the flow of events. You said you were dyslexic so you did relly well despite that! I think you could've used more imagery (like someone above me already said) rather than just dialogue. Fill it out a little more and you've got a really touching piece here! I hope to see you do more with it!

Review mine? topic89976.html

~Jess

You did really well. I didn't spot too many mistakes.
The title says it all-it's got a lot of fluff.
I love the description. I could really picture it in my head, which was nice.
Overall it was a cute little story ,and it made me aw.
good job!