Young Writers Society

Seth:
The memories of last night swarmed in my mind. But the one memory that stood out in my mind was the way it felt kissing Samantha last night. The warmth of her lips still lingered on mine, and the tingles were still subsiding on my skin. I touched the side of my face her hand connected with and the sting of her fingers was still there. A turmoil of emotions rose within me. Happiness, anger, nervousness, anxiousness, and hurt all flooded my mind.I didn't know what to think of all these emotions, as I have never felt them all at once like this before.

I looked around the green landscape where all of this took place last night. The leaves fell off the trees and landed gently into the blue pond. The wind rustled through the orange colored leaves. I let my head fall into the palms of my hands and just let these emotions slowly subside. Sometimes I can be such a selfish guy. I always think my feelings have to be thought of first before another’s feelings can be thought of.

If I really love Samantha like I told her I do, then I just need to be happy for her. If she is happy with Derek, then I can be happy, right?

Samantha:
The anger from last night’s events pulsed through my veins. I couldn’t believe Seth tells me he loves me now, three months before my wedding. How can he break this kind of news to me now? We have known each other since we were six years old, and we are now twenty. Sometime in that time frame when he started to fall in love with me, he should’ve told me. I am now happily in love with another guy, and Seth decides to love me now?! Sometimes Seth can make my blood really boil. He always thinks about himself, never about how others feel. It always has to be about Seth’s feelings, Seth’s choices, and Seth’s ways.

I touched my fingertips to my lips and could still feel the tingle of where Seth’s lips touched mine. The tingles where his hands traveled down my side to my hips were still there, and my fingers still stung from me slapping Seth in the face. All I could think about was Seth’s face when I yelled at him. He looked like a puppy that just got beat for “marking his territory”. He looked terrified. I needed to talk to Seth; I needed to clear this entire thing up.

I picked up my phone and sent a text to Seth:
‘Meet me at the high school football field.’

I took a deep breath, got my keys, and walked to my car. This talk could end up one of two ways; a disaster, meaning our friendship could crumble or just plain awkward and us not knowing what to say.

I paced back and forth in the bleachers as I waited for Seth to meet me. I didn’t know what I was going to say, I didn’t have anything rehearsed. All I know is I need to tell him I love Derek, not him.

Seth:
I drove up to the football field with my stomach tied to a knot. I felt like I was going to pick up my Prom date. I was so nervous; I didn’t know how I was supposed to say that I am not alright with her marrying this Derek guy. I exited my car and walked slowly across the football field. I walked right up to Samantha and sat down beside her on the bleachers.

“We need to talk.” Samantha said with a sigh.

“We do need to talk.” I looked down at my hands that were sitting on my knees.

The silence fell upon us in a split second and it instantly became awkward.

“So?” I said trying to break the silence.

“I’m sorry Seth, I don’t love you. I love Derek, and you have to understand that you can’t be putting just your feelings first. I’m sick of how selfish you can be. One thing you need to realize is that we are best friends, but you don’t own me. I am my own person, and I am marrying Derek in three months, whether you like it or not. I’m flattered that you love me and all, but I don’t like you that way. I see you as a friend and nothing more. I’m sorry.” Samantha’s words were thrown at me like daggers, all of them hitting my heart.

The way her face looked when she told me she didn't love me, hurt flooded her beautiful blue eyes. She wrinkled up her forehead as she waited for my prolonged response. Her long blond hair gently fell over her small shoulders.

I took a deep breath to recover from the pain that pierced through my body.

“Well, I am happy for you Sam. I know I have been selfish, and I know I haven’t been the best friend lately. I am sorry for everything that happened last night. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. But you know, I’m not the only one who has been selfish here lately. You haven’t been there for me like I was there for you this whole entire friendship. You are the one who ditched me first. All for your precious boyfriend. I just have to say, I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you.“ I stood up slowly and started to walk away.

Samantha:
All of Seth’s words hit me like a ton of bricks. I grabbed his arm to keep him from walking away and he turned and looked at me.

“I’m sorry.” I said while a free falling tear rolled down my cheek.

“Me too.” Seth said.

His words stung me all over my body and I could hear my heart shatter in my chest. I searched his face, as he ran a hand through his black, curly hair. Pain could clearly be read in his beautiful, green eyes. He clearly loved me, but how come I never noticed it? I couldn't stop myself with my next action, I placed my hand on the side of Seth's face and I slowly pressed my lips to his.

As our lips separated I could feel a part of me leaving forever. Will this be the last I see of Seth?
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Comments Are Welcome

Ohmygosh!!! I loved it! I am new to this site and want to read the first chapter?? Don't know how though! But this is super good and want to read the rest of it! Sounds like it's going to be really good!

Aw, thanks. I really appreciate it.
If you go to my profile and click on my portfolio tab, you can read the first chapter there

Hi there DontStopBelieving,

Well, what can I say, I found the first chapter interesting and I was dragged towards the seconds one

Alright, I'll jump into the review straight on,

Mistakes

All these feelings started building up inside of me.

As you mention the feelings on after saying this, write this as, "A turmoil of feelings rose within me" or something similar to that.

I didn’t know what to think of all these emotions, as I have never felt them all at once like this before.

The anger from last night’s events pulsed throughout my veins.

It should be "through" not "throughout"

I drove up to the football field and with my stomach tied into a knot.

I’m flattered that you love me in all, but I don’t like you like that.

Correct this as, "I’m flattered that you love me and all, but I don’t like you like that way.

You are the one who ditched me first and all for your precious boyfriend.

This should be, "You were the one who ditched me first. All for your precious boyfriend."

Plot

The plot is interesting enough, but I think it's better that you introduce Derek to the story as well. Because this story does seem to revolve around him as well. And as he is Sam's fiance. I think he has his say in the story as well. Just my idea though.

Descriptions

You have included a little more descriptions than the previous chapter, but as you are still considering the story wise approach, you do need to pay attention to every tiny detail in the setting of your story. If you write those tiny details, you get descriptions and also you get a longer story with a lot more interest by the readers.

Character Descriptions

I still have no idea how the characters look like and what they do as a job. Please see into ways you can add physical descriptions. There are a lot of places where you can add them once you think them through.

I am impressed by the way you gave the readers the ages of the characters. It felt natural and did not seem like it was direct or pointed in any sort of way.

Overall

It was a rather small chapter with just the flashback of the previous chapter, but still you've made progress with the personalities of the characters, and I'm glad about that.

Good luck

- C -

Hellooo there! =)
Here as promised to review your story =) I want to start off with saying that it's a good write and it kept me interested til the end.
The emotions really came through so congratulations on that! It's totally crappy when stuff like that happens OO Well I imagine it to be XP And the story made that clear =)
Okay now let's go to the nitpicks =)

, and hurt all flooded my mind.I didn't know what to think of all these emotions, as I have never felt them all at once like this before.

You forgot a space between the first period and the next sentence =)

I couldn't stop myself from my next action,

I think it would sound better this way =) But perhaps that's just me.

Okay so those were my nitpicks XD
So now over to the comments on the story itself =)

All I could think about was Seth’s face when I yelled at him. He looked like a puppy that just got beat for “marking his territory”. He looked terrified. I needed to talk to Seth; I needed to clear this entire thing up.

Loved this description! Good job on that!

I placed my hand on the side of Seth's face and I slowly pressed my lips to his.

Baddddddddddd woman OO I feel so bad for her fiance OO XD
Lol just had to say that!

Okay so that was my review! I hope it helped a little and keep writing stories and stuff! =)
=qaralynn=

Alright, Deary! You know me,k and I'm so sorry for delaying this review.

I've gotta give you this, the story line seems very, very thought out, and could go alot of different ways, just don't forget the message and main idea you are trying to portray inside, and underneath the words of the story. Show, don't tell.

I didn't really notice major grammar problems, or punctuation issues.
here are some suggestions for you:

Happiness, anger, nervousness, anxiousness, and hurt all flooded my mind. I didn't know what to think of all these emotions, as they passed over me in a flood.

Maybe this would help the sentence flow better, and might help show that he's feeling all of them at once; it gives a better visual image in my mind, really.

I looked around the green landscape where all of this took place last night. The leaves fell off the trees and landed gently into the blue pond. The wind rustled through the orange colored leaves. I let my head fall into the palms of my hands and just let the emotions slowly subside.

THIS WAS AWESOME! I thought you did a great scenery effect here, kind of to show how things have changed, and how he just lets his head fall in his hands like the leaves. I really like this. ( however, I suggest changing 'these' to 'the' because it flows a bit better. )

Samantha:
I touched my fingertips to my lips and could still feel the tingle of where Seth’s lips touched mine. The tingles where his hands traveled down my side to my hips were still there, and my fingers still stung from me slapping Seth in the face. All I could think about was Seth’s face when I yelled at him. He looked like a puppy that just got beat for “marking his territory”. He looked terrified. I needed to talk to Seth; I needed to clear this entire thing up.

Here in this paragraph, show more about how she feels about her actions toward Seth, and about his actions toward her. I feel like this paragraph should be screaming her thoughts on romance, and her thoughts overall, but it needs some extra "UMPH!!!!!" think about luster, and vibrant words to maybe add to it, or to help describe/illustrate her feelings and thought processing over this ordeal

Overall, this was pretty good. You had some great moments in here with visual effects to help you along the way, and I see that you have started to kind of grow with the story, and you're learning to add tension, and conflict, and suspense: these three things are your BESTFRIENDS, and utensils in writing a great story. So, basically, just keep up what you're doing, and never, ever forget the details of how you are trying to project your story. Another thing that might help is thinking of how you want to set the mood up of your story within the first paragraph; maybe start from a 3rd person point of view then switch between Seth and Samantha's points of view. Doing that could add some body to the story and help the reader understand more "behind the scenes", if you choose to do anything like that. Let me know if you need more advice.

This was really great! keep up the good work, and keep your creativity flowing

--Ash