Young Writers Society

(Just because I am being asked... the Voices series in Chronilogical order is:
Voices II - Just a Crush
Voices V - What Have We Missed?
Voices I - Where We Used To Be
Voices III - The Break-Up
Voices IV - We Miss You )


I practically danced as I came into the rehearsal, waving and saying hi to the gang. After the long (though relaxing) week on vacation, it was great to be back home and see everyone again.

“How was the beach?” Shannon asked, stopping me as I passed.

I grinned. “Just about wonderful.”

She laughed and I moved on.

“Where’s Leo?” Three asks, craning her neck to search the crowd in front of me.

“I can’t believe we haven’t talked to him in a whole week,” One adds, joining the search.

“I know,” Three giggles. “Now where is he?” She spots him. “There he is!”

My smile widened as I made my way over to where he stood, surrounded by our friends in the corner by the side door. He was deep in a discussion with Jenn while Bridget and Sean listened.

I crept closer through the crowds of people waiting for rehearsal to start, trying my best to make sure that Leo didn’t hear me.

“Yes,” Jenn said as I got closer. “The eagles did look rather fake in the movie, but just look at the story lines—”

“I can’t win when it comes to the story lines though,” he told her.

Jenn laughed. “So you only get into debates that you know you can win?”

“Sounds smart to me,” Sean said.

“No.” Jenn shook her head. “That’s not the point of debating.”

“Well, then,” Leo said, jerking to a stop as I jumped onto his back.

“Miss me, baby?” I asked, kissing him on the cheek.

Jenn’s eyes settled on the floor as she and Bridget smiled.

Three sighs happily, taking in the rich smell of Leo’s cologne. “I missed you.”

Leo laughed, pulling me off his back to wrap me in a hug. “Of course I missed you,” he murmurs.

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you,” Three whispers over and over.

One pats her on the shoulder. “You can calm down now.”

Three falls silent, but can’t help the grin that is stretched all the way across her face.

Leo drew out of the hug, draping one arm around my waist as he turned back to Jenn.

“So what was that about story lines, Jenn?” he asked.

Jenn met his eye again. “I thought we just said that I’d win if we got into story lines.”

“Well, you would,” Leo told her. “But only if I let you.”

Jenn’s jaw dropped. “If you let me? Boy, I’ve told you before, there are only two ways to argue with a woman and neither one works.”

“Oh,” Leo said, a glint appearing in his eye. “If you want to bring up women jokes then—”

She held up a warning finger. “Don’t. Even.”

Bridget and Sean stifled a laugh as Jenn and Leo half-glared, half-smiled at each other.

Three blinked. “When did they start acting like this?” She smiled. It was cute.

“Jenn’s talking,” One said suddenly, almost as if she couldn’t believe the statement.

Three stopped. “Oh… my… gosh… She is!”

“It probably won’t last long,” One sighed. “It never does.”

“What are these jokes?” I asked, glancing up at Leo.

“You wanna hear?” He turned his head toward me as he answered, but his gaze still rested on Jenn.

“Sure,” I told him.

Jenn looked away from him, shaking her head.

“Why did the woman cross the road?” Leo asked.

One looks a little nervous. “Are we sure that we really wanted to ask about these jokes.”

“Oh, come on,” Three says. “It’s Leo.”

“I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but he’s not perfect,” One returns.

Three shakes her head. “Lighten up. It’s just a joke. And besides! Jenn’s involved.”

“Jenn’s never been involved in anything we didn’t want to be,” Four pipes up. “She’s always been the quiet one. The conservative one. She’s closer to perfection than even Leo, remember?”

One settled down a little.

“Why did she?” I asked Leo.

“Better question,” he began.

“What was she doing out of the kitchen?” Jenn finished with him.

I smacked him in the arm. “Hey!”

He laughed. “You know I don’t mean it, Kate.”

Three sighs. “Do you know how hard it is to mad at him when he smiles like that?”

One rolls her eyes, lowering her head into her hand.

“So, should we just go through the rest of the jokes?” Leo asked Jenn.

“Let’s not and say we didn’t,” Jenn replied.

Leo’s eyes glinted. “Let’s.”

Jenn looked at him. “No.”

“Yes,” he returned.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Jenn just participated in a yes-no game,” One said, still shocked.

Bridget leaned toward Sean. “Here we go again,” she murmured as Jenn and Leo continued.

“Again?” One demanded.

Jenn stopped, hearing Bridget and stared at Leo. “How do you always get me to do that?”

“Does it bother you?” Leo asked.

“It wouldn’t if I wasn’t always on the negative end,” she said.

“It’s not my fault you’re such a killjoy,” he replied.

Jenn’s jaw dropped again. “Killjoy?” Her eyes narrowed jokingly. “Watch it, boy.”

I glanced back and forth between the two of them, trying not to laugh.

“This is so cute!” Three squeals.

“She has never talked this much,” Four says.

“He’s totally got her out of her shell,” Three goes on. She grins as she looks at One. “Is our boy good or what?”

One watches Jenn quietly. “She’s still Jenn, but she’s just… not quiet.” She paused. “Perfection has been unleashed.”

“Jennifer! Ben! Leo!” the director called from the door at the far end of the room. “You’re needed for costuming! The rest of you, if you’re not doing anything else we need some help getting the set inside.” The director disappeared into the lobby again while most of the people in the room returned to their conversations.

“See you in a minute,” Leo told me as he and Jenn headed away.

Three sighs. “Okay.”

“And we’re gonna go too,” Bridget said, nudging Sean toward the lobby. “We’re gonna help with the set.”

“Oh yeah, I guess we should,” Sean laughed nervously. He looked at me. “We sort of need some brownie points with the director.”

“Yeah,” Bridget agreed. “Especially after the firecrackers you brought in on Wednesday,” She smiled pointedly at Sean.

I blinked. “Firecrackers?”

“What have we missed?” One demands.

“Yeah,” she said. She poked Sean in the ribs. “Let’s go!” The two of them took off and I wandered over to Shannon.

“So,” Shannon said. “I saw you talking with Leo and Jenn. Is everything okay?”

“What is she talking about?” One asks.

“Okay? Better than okay!” Three says. “I just got to see my boy!”

“Yeah,” I replied, glancing at her curiously. “Everything’s great. I have never heard Jenn talk that much. Has she been like that all week?”

“Uh, yeah,” Shannon told me, biting her lip. “Pretty much.”

“I can’t believe it!” Three says. “We’d go out of town the week that she decides to become talkative.” She sat down heavily, laughing and disappointed at the same time.

“Why’s she so talkative all of a sudden?” Two asks.

One looks at her. “What are you talking about?”

“There’s something going on here,” Two tells her, stepping forward. “You can see it in Shannon’s face. Ask her.”

“What’s going on?” I asked Shannon, still smiling, though it was more because I had no reason not to than that I wanted to.

Shannon glanced around and lowered her voice. “You should know, people are starting to talk about Leo and Jenn.”

I laughed. “What?”

Shannon just looked more uncomfortable. “Look, I don’t know if I believe it or not, I just—”

“Oh my gosh!”

“She actually believes it!” Three laughs.

“Well then maybe we should too,” Two says, a hard edge creeping into her tone.

“Two,” One stops her. “Please. It’s Leo and Jenn.”

“Kate, just hear me out,” Shannon pleaded. “They spend every moment together at rehearsal. I have never seen Jenn act the way she does around him. I mean, she’s still quieter and she’s not as crazy as Bridget or anything, but she’s different. And Leo acts different around her too. Even Bridget and Sean see it.” She paused, seeing the disbelief in my face. “Look, I’m saying that maybe you should talk to Leo about it, okay?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I told her. “I mean, come on. You think that my boyfriend is going to going to get together with a girl while I’m vacation? And with Jenn? Do you know either of them?”

Shannon looked down. “Look, I just think you’re all heading for a trainwreck. I was just trying to warn you.” She walked away, shaking her head.

“She’s nuts,” Three says, shaking her head. She looks at Two, suddenly faltering. “Right?”

“Did you see the way Jenn looked at him?” Two asks, voice low.

“Stop it,” One orders.

“Did you see the way she looked at him? Two asks again, bolder. “She looked at him like he was the only one in the room.”

“She did not,” One counters. She steps around to face Two. “You’re just saying that because the idea’s in your head now. It wasn’t really there.”

“Yes, it was,” Four murmurs. “I remember. And the way she looked down when she came in… Remember that?”

“That’s just Jenn being Jenn. We kissed him. She always looks away when we do something like that,” One tells her. “She was just being shy.”

“Shy?” Two demands. “Or not liking what she was seeing?”

“Two—” One begins.

“Guys!” Three steps out into the middle of the room, interrupting her. “This is Leo we’re talking about,” she says, laughing at the absurdity of the conversation. “You know? Our boyfriend?” She glanced around at the others who were suddenly silent. “The guy that loves us? He wouldn’t do this. So just drop it.”

One turns away. “Yeah. Let’s just drop it.”

Two doesn’t say a word.

I turned to look out the window into the lobby where Leo was standing with the costume lady, trying on a fat suit over his clothes. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. He had to get the part of the fat monk…

“At least we know it’s not type casting,” One mutters.

I laughed to myself, watching as he laughed and joked with the costume lady, his voice lost behind the window and the other voices around me.

“He looks good no matter what,” Three gushes, coming toward my eyes to sit and look at him. She smiles, watching him.

“Do you think we’re the only ones that think that?” Two prods.

One shoots her a look. “We know we’re not,” she tells her, calmed by the few moments of break they’d taken from the conversation. “Girls have crushes on him all the time. If anything that another reason we have nothing worry about.”

Two saunters forward, watching as well. “Look at him. He’s gorgeous. And he’s sweet.” She looked at One. “And everything a girl could ask for.”

Three grins. “Definitely.”

“We’re not arguing that,” One says. “But Leo’s ignored every other girl. He’s not going to do anything. He wouldn’t do this to us.”

Two was completely unconvinced.

“He’s ignored every other girl!” One repeats. “What more proof do you need?”

Jenn walked out, dressed in her own costume. I froze. She looked gorgeous. The long black dress just seemed to make her look slim and pretty, contrasting with her pale skin to make her look like some kind of ice princess.

Leo seemed to freeze too when he saw her, watching as she came towards him. He said something, but I couldn’t hear it through the glass. Jenn blushed.

“Jenn’s not every other girl,” Two says, leaning against the wall beside my eyes. “She’s smart and talented… and she isn’t exactly hard on the eyes either.”

Three looks out my eyes, her breath catching in her throat.

“So what?” One asks.

“So, a moment ago you were calling her perfection,” Two snaps. “Do you really think that Leo doesn’t see that too?”

“He wouldn’t…” Three whispers. “She wouldn’t…”

“Shannon is right,” Two spits. “Something is going on here.”

“We don’t know that,” One hurries to tell her. “We don’t know anything.”

“Would you look at that?” Two demands, jerking a thumb in Jenn and Leo’s direction. “What more do you want?”

I watched the two of them laugh and joke for a moment. Then Leo spread his arms open, welcoming Jenn into a hug and she stepped into the embrace.

“Is it enough yet?” Two asks harshly.

I nearly ran across the room, coming out into the lobby to meet Leo and Jenn.

Jenn was laughing as I came out, the costume ladies watching how their costumes moved with them.

“Hey, Kate,” Jenn said, seeing me over Leo’s shoulder.

Leo turned to face me, smiling as he stretched out his arms. “Want a hug?”

I blinked. “What?”

“He’s really fun to hug in the fat suit,” Jenn explained. “He’s squishy!”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“See?” One says. “There was a reason. There’re reasons for all of it, we just may not know them all. And that’s okay,” she went on before Two could interrupt. “We don’t have to.”

I gave Leo a half-hearted hug.

“You can go change now,” the costume lady told Jenn.

“Yes!” Jenn said and she skipped back toward the dressing rooms.

“We can answer everything if we just ask her about it,” Two says.

“There’s nothing to ask,” One insists.

“There’s harm done if we do though,” Two presses.

One and Three look at her helplessly.

“Hey, Jenn! Wait up!” I called, hurrying to follow after her.

She stopped at the dressing room door, looking at me curiously. “What’s up, Kate?” she asked.

“I just thought I’d keep you company,” I stammered.

She blinked. “Okay.”

Inside the dressing room, she passed out of sight behind a wall that separated the corner off from the rest of the room. I swallowed.

“So how was your week?” I asked.

“What are you doing?” Two demands. “That’s not what we came in here to ask.”

“Pretty good,” she replied, her voice muffled as she pulled the dress over her head. “Pretty quiet.”

I laughed. “Yeah, that won’t last for long.” I leaned back against the wall. “Can you believe that next week is tech week?”

“No,” she said. “I can’t believe the show is almost over. I’m gonna miss everybody.”

“Yeah, me too,” I agreed.

“Ask her already,” Two says.

“We don’t have to—” One begins.

I cut her off. I needed to know.

“Say,” I said. “This is gonna sound really weird but… do you like Leo?” I tried to keep my voice calm as I waited for her answer.

“What?” Jenn peeked her head out from around the corner.

“Do you like Leo?” I repeated.

She blinked. “As what? A friend?” She pulled back behind the wall. “As a friend, I love him.”

I looked down at my shoes. She hadn’t really answered the question. “And as more than a friend?”

Jenn didn't say anything and the sounds of clothes rustling continued for a moment.

“Come on,” One whispers. “Answer.”

Two’s jaw clenched.

Jenn stepped out, back in her usual clothes, the dress draped over her arm. “I don’t want your boyfriend, Kate,” she said, looking me straight in the eye.

Without meaning to, I sighed in relief.

“Told you,” One and Three say to Two.

“I’m sorry,” I said as she crossed to a table at the other end of the room to put down the pieces of the dress and assemble them back on a hanger. “I don’t—”

“It’s alright,” she said. “You just heard what everyone was saying and you wanted to know that it wasn’t true.” She turned back to face me, the hanger slung over her shoulder. “It’s fine.”

I smiled. “Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, it was impossible. He’d never go for a girl like you.”

Jenn looked down, a forced smile appearing on her lips. “Yeah. He wouldn’t.” She lifted her head again, her eyes dull. “I’ll see you later, kay?” Jenn strode out the door, leaving it open behind her.

“Why did we say that?” One asks.

“It was true,” Three whispered.

One turns on her. “It hurt!”

Two stares after Jenn. “She likes him.” She takes a deep breath. “That lying little… She likes him.”

“She said she didn’t,” One reminds.

“She lied!” Two shouts.

“You’re the one that made us ask,” One says, stepping toward her. “And now you won’t even accept the answer?”

“She lied,” Two says again.

“No.” One shakes her head. “Just no.”

“If she didn’t, then why in the world did what said hurt her so much?” Two questioned.

One swallowed.

She liked him…

YES! First another "Untitled," and now another installment of "Voices." You people are spoiling me this weekend, I swear.

This was well-done, as the four before it. Gramatically speaking, this was flawless -- I didn't catch any punctuation errors or typos. On the stylistic level, this stands out from the others. The dialogue flowed naturally, effortlessly. The descriptions weren't forced (as opposed to all your different variations on the word "said" in previous pieces.) The descriptions, this time around, conveyed emotion so well. I think I fell in love with Two especially in this piece, just because she's so hotheaded and passionate -- a real firebrand.

The only thing that needs to be fixed, in my eyes, is the beginning. Coming from a reader who isn't familiar with the backstory, I orignially thought that Jenn was outright flirting with Leo. She seems so easy and relaxed -- there is no hint that she's this once-shy-girl coming out of her shell. I think maybe there needs to be a few sentences in there explaining why their talking is "cute" as opposed to "she's flirting with my boyfriend!" Because I was very confused at first.

Other than that, this was outstanding, Dusky! Very much a pleasure to read.

When I first saw that you'd posted another Voices on the same day I posted an Untitled, I was like, holy crackers and cheese, dagnabbit! But I love you and your writing so much that I can't even be mad at you. Darn you for being so nice.

Anyway.

I liked this one! You created such a neat scene with this one, and I never once noticed my normal gripe: the over-description of "said." You used fabulous words like "murmured" rather than "said quietly", of which I am so proud. It really makes your dialogue flow so much better.

The Kate character just rubs me the wrong way... intentional? Jenn is adorable, however. I love her more with each installment. Though, you know what would be really interesting? One of these from Leo's POV. He seems somewhat flat. I mean, we know that he's a fun guy, because of his sense of humour (the first time I heard that joke about the woman crossing the road, I laughed so hard... it was delivered fabulously) and he definitely seems like a nice, get-along-with-pretty-much everyone type of guy as well. But getting into his head would really fill out this story you've got going even further.

Overall, utter fabulosity my dear. Your writing is so much fun to read, always very enjoyable. We should make a collection of short stories... It could be called, "In the Minds of Two Insane Sixteen-Year-Olds."

Shriek - I love Two and I hate Two, so I'm glad that she's coming across well on paper.

And I completely agree about the beginning upon rereading it. I'm gonna have to work on how to fix it though.

Arieda - *laughs* Yeah... I think our creative cycles are set the same way or something like that, we do tend to post stories in great proximity to each other.

*does a happy dance because her efforts in not over-using adjectives have paid off* Yes! You have no idea how hard I was working on that in this piece. I'm so glad that it worked.

Yes, Kate is intentionally that way. She's based on a person in real life that just entirely rubs me the wrong way.

And as for getting inside Leo's head. Soon, my friends. Very soon. I'm working on planning out the next few (er... not really few) Voices right now. There's going to be a bunch from Leo's perspective, a bunch from Kate's, a bunch from Jenn's, and then... *dun dun dun* There are two currently planned that are from mulitiple perspective, so we'll see how those go.