Green eyes staring at me, his face mere inches apart, begging me, pleading me, to reach out and touch him, kiss him, love him. Love, is it real? And if it is, what sends it in its spiraling motion toward perpetual bliss. The bliss and hell all at the same time that makes you want to rip your heart out. Is it love that breaks you down, wears you out, and yet keeps you sane all at once? Or is the fear of being out of it that can keep you in the most dangerous of circumstances?
I stare into the mirror hating what I see. The girl looks back with a pleading look in her eyes. Her skin three times to big and her eyes hidden by a frame and some glass. Her ass, round and sticking out is like a giant sign waiting to be seen. Her chest, large but tiny in comparison to what resides below it. It’s no wonder I don’t have a boyfriend. Ya, ya I know all about the he’ll love you for your personality not your looks. Bull shit. All he will care about is what your cup size is and how skinny are you. He is in high school what else do you expect. So ya, no boyfriend only best friends.
Best friend Fea, she has it all. Smart, funny, kind, skinny. Everything I want to be. I’m smart, and funny, and kind. But that skinniness that is what haunts me everyday now. She is good to me an I to her. I can tell her my secrets and not have to worry she will tell anyone else. She has told me hers and I haven’t spilled all of them.
Numbers, they’re my worst enemy. 178.6, 116, and 1000; weighing me down, lighting me up, and helping me in between. Letters, B, C, and F. Grades, size, and how I feel. Time, short and limited.
I have lived through a lot in my 15 years on earth. Some have lived more, some have lived less. I have seen love falter and blossom. I have felt power and powerless all at the same time. I’ve seen success and failure. Yet there is something in me that I can’t seem to get past.
I walked down the stairs and looked up at the clock. 5:45. ten minutes until I leave for school. Good, it means I can skip breakfast, and lunch, and before you think I am anorexic I will tell you right now I am not. I eat; just I like to stay under a certain number of calories. I’m not that active so if it means eating less then I will. I hear my sister come down as I fill my water bottle with water. I pull a granola bar out of the box in the cupboard, 100 calories. Jane and I cross paths as I head for the door.
We’re two years apart, her being the older sister. We’re not close by any means but she is there for me when I truly need her. We look nothing alike. She has the body I want; I have the charisma she needs. Her life is centered around her boyfriend; mine is centered around my dreams. She is smarter, I am sweeter.
She knew what she wanted before Andy came along. She was going to be a neurosurgeon. Now she doesn’t even know what college she is going to. She used to have it all mapped out. See, what I told you? Its love that makes us fall from grace.
The cold air of the morning smacks me in the face. I draw my coat closer as I walk to the bus stop. I reach up and check my hair, its auburn tresses fall right in place. My hair when it’s clean is my best and only good feature.
Gender:
Points: 249
Reviews: 122