Young Writers Society

“Caroline, I’m moving,” I said to her, my voice was stoic, my face expressionless.
She stared at me for a few moments, her eyebrows brunched together.
“Vaughn, what about going to prom together, and winter formal? Everything we talked about.”
My expression didn’t change. This felt unreal. Maybe it was just a bad dream.
Tears poured from her clear blue eyes, the ones I had fallen in love with. She was slowly beginning to realize the reality of the situation, something I was yet to do. She wrapped her arms around my neck.
“I don’t want to leave,” I told her, “to leave you.” But it wasn’t my choice. Nothing ever really was.
I ran my fingers through her angel hair. Whiffs of herbal essence filled the air. If this was all real, I wanted to remember holding her in my arms one last time, to remember her.
“I guess this is the end,” she said, her face hidden in my shoulder.
“The end of what?” I didn’t want it to be the end.
“The end of us.”

this is really sad, although it does kind of bug me, why does it have to be the end? I mean, it's possibly to keep a long distance relationship. Hard, but very possible for anyone who really loves someone else. Love doesn't depend on the physical, so even when the physical is seperated real love keeps going.
As for nitpicks, "I had fallen in love with." not "I had fell in love with."
"Something I was yet to do." I think it would sound better if it was, "something I had yet to do."
One thing I really like is how you stick in the details, like the way her hair smells and the colour of her eyes.
Finally, I would suggest more, more detail, more of a plot, just more. Make us feel as sad about these two leaving each other as they are- maybe even more sad.
Hope this was helpful, keep writing!

Hello there.

I found a few mistakes, which Cailey pointed out. Please review and correct them.

The story itself was really short and I would like to see a little more context. First off, a few questions you could answer to help with this. Where did they meet? How was there relationship? How much time did they spend together? Are they close? Was she his 'best friend', someone he can confide in? Where is he moving? Why?
Also, more emotions would help. I know there's a few already, but a little more emphasis on them, and the MC's presence during the entire story.

I loved the ending, it really doesn't' have details, but it's perfect.

Overall I think it's a great story, it just needs a little more substance.

Keep writing!

-Other One