Spoiler! :
The rain battered down the window, sloping slowly down the glass, like her tears on her cheek. No matter how much she tried to get Zane out of her head she couldn’t. The way he looked in her eyes when he told her he never loved her, the way he broke her heart and shrugged when he saw her tears and left her in the bar. He just used her for his own personal benefit, that he never had cared, and he never would. He was going to collage tomorrow and had said he hoped he never saw her again. How could she had been as stupid as to even believe anything he said? His glossy black hair, his piercing green eyes, his inspiring complexion, more tears suddenly burst from her blue eyes as she wept thinking about the one thing in her life that had been right when it had been so wrong.
She grew up in Texas, in a nunnery, she had broke away one night, doing something she had never done before and was disgusted with herself until she looked into Zane’s eyes. He was dancing with another girl, a beautiful girl, unlike her, the girl next door type but he had left the beautiful girl standing there on her own and moved towards her. She remembered how her heart rate sped as she saw him coming towards her, he had brought out a cigarette and lit it, slowly keeping it in his mouth he had smoothly took her hand and lead her towards the dance floor. Cigarettes where not allowed in the club but no one had dared to tell him otherwise. He had been wearing a pair of ripped black jeans, a leather jacket, a black choker and a wanting expression. It had been six months since that night, that glorious night when she danced with the devil, loosing herself in the pleasure of a different man, a completely different man.
She suddenly remembered the time Zane had openly admitted he didn’t believe in god. At that moment she had stormed off, completely and utterly frustrated with herself. How could she let herself feel for someone like him? The man who openly admitted he didn’t have faith in another life? He had taken her arm roughly and banged her against the wall, kissing her passionately causing her to forget about everything she was supposed to be angry about.
Then, the time she was ill and couldn’t sneak out with him, he turned up at her parent’s house dressed in a dinner suite with red roses for her mother and white roses for her, the way he grinned when he saw her in her Pyjamas with her chalky white face and bulging red eyes.
The way he absolutely captivated her heart and promised not to break it, promised he would never leave her. Lies, Lies, like the devil. She couldn’t stop her tears as a knock battered softly on her shut door, she screamed at them to go away. The door cracked open and she threw the pillow in the face of Zane who stood in the doorway. He said nothing as he caught it and threw it back on the floor. She screamed in frustration and she griped her alarm clock from her bedside cabinet and threw it at him, he ducked and said nothing staring at her, his eyes penetrating her soul. She screamed at him to get out and he just stood, looking flabbergasted as she ran at him, pushing him out the door, but he was too strong, she begun to hit his muscular chest in frustration. Suddenly a shout sounded around the room as her father stormed up the stairs.
“How did you get in?” her father shouted, taking Zane by the collar of his leather jacket, he hurdled him out of the room. She was torn, wanting to stop her father from hurting him, but she wanted him out of her sight.
“May god save your soul” she heard her father shout from down the stairs. She cried harder now and she fell to her knees next to the statue of Mary that stood in the corner of her room; she clasped her arms in prayer.
“Father my heart is broken. I feel like it’s in pieces. I need to put my heart into your care. Will you take care of it for me? I want to be able to love again, to feel again, please my lord, thank you” she tried to hear the answer but she couldn’t. She only wanted to hear “Yes, my child, you will be able to love again, you are forgiven” but nothing, no sign of agreement. She was alone, again. She wept harder, clinging on to the sign of the cross in her hands and flinging it off her neck. He didn’t care, just like the rest of the world, none did. She threw the necklace across the room and knew immediately knew she would regret it later. She clung to the covers in her bed as she desperately tried to get to sleep.
***
She woke up, her head hurting and the room spinning. She gently got out of bed, her feet hitting the wooden floor and she tumbled sleepily down the staircase of her parent’s white marble mansion. She went into the kitchen to see her mother and father already dressed. Her mother’s blonde hair done in a reasonable bun pulled to the back of her head, wearing her sweater and business like undershirt, and a tight fitting pencil skirt. He father’s light brown hair was shinning in the sun that was hitting him through the open window. Her mother and father both turned to her and her father mentioned for her to sit down.
“Where’s your crucifix?” he demanded as she sat in the gestured seat. She intuitively put her hand up to her chest, but nothing was there.
“Bedroom” she muttered, immediately regretting throwing it through the room, her mother signed.
“I am very disappointed in you, very, I can’t believe you defied you’re mother and I and not only that, Sister Mary, had been worried sick when they sent you home from class! Can you believe we had to lie and tell them you were just tired! - I told you never to see that boy again, now will you listen to your father more often” she put her head in her hands disgusted with herself. How could she do that to her family?
“God will be disappointed” her mum whispered from the other side of the table tears running down both her cheeks.
“Will, will- do you think- do you think he will ever- ever” she tried to say through her own tears.
“Forgive you?” Mother asked, shaking her head, wiping her tears from her cheeks.
“Yes”
“I think it will take along time- I have talked to Sister Jane, they are willing to take you in for a while, for you not to be taught, but be the one teaching”
“Being a Nun?” she gasped, gripping the table. That meant she was never allowed to be allowed to have children, never getting married, only because she made a mistake when she was 19?
“No, not permanently, until they think the Lord would have forgiven you, forgiven us for not looking after you in the Lord’s Prayer properly” she nodded and got up from her seat and walked over to her bedroom.
***
She took a seat in the empty chapel after the Lords teaching session and dropped to her knees.
“O Lord, Jesus Christ, Redeemer and Saviour, forgive my sins, just as you forgave Peter's denial and those who crucified you. Count not my transgressions, but, rather, my tears of repentance. Remember not my iniquities, but, more especially, my sorrow for the offenses I have committed against you. I long to be true to your word, and pray that you will love me and come to make your dwelling place within me. I promise to give you praise and glory in love and in service all the days of my life” She nearly started crying at her words Sister Jane had given to her. For forgiveness of sins, the paper stated as she crumpled it up in her hand as she clenched it, her knuckles turning white as she fought to keep her eyes dry. Zane hadn’t been able to leave her head, she wanted to scream, but he was going today and never coming back. She stared at his face as it flashed in front of her eyes. His creamy white skin, his red plumb lips, his crazy sense of humour, the way she could be herself and not be someone else, she found not her dangerous side, but her real personality, which was apparently a sin? Was it a sin to know herself? Was it a sin to fall in love? What had Zane ever done to hurt someone... apart from her?
“JESSIE” It came from outside, struggling shouts of someone being held back.
“JESSIE PLEASE” It screamed, she watched as everyone in the room turned to her. Reddening, she quickly got up from her seat dreading seeing his face again. What was he doing here? Why was he here? Messing with her heart... As she walked outside and saw the image of Zane being held back by a group of sisters all gathered round him, not letting him see her. As she walked up to the steps she could see Zane’s relief wash over from his face.
“Jessie, oh thank god” every sister gasped at his words, “Jessie tell them to go, please, I need to talk to you”
“Distract yourself from the child dear Jessica, don’t look it in the eyes” She ignored a sister Mary for the first time in her life, she couldn’t believe what he was doing to her.
“Leave me alone, Zane, you told me what you wanted to tell me, I’m sick of you, leave while I pray for forgiveness”
“Forgiveness? Forgiveness for what?” He shouted at her.
“Forgiveness for my sins, for my lack of obedience to the Christ”
“Jessie, please, Listen to me. You haven’t do anything wrong, you don’t need forgiveness. I missed my flight to collage, I wanted to-“
“You did what?” she asked surprised. This is the collage he had dreamed about for years, movie directing, the one thing he loved.
“I wanted to talk to you, I’m so sorry, the only reason why I said those things was because you’re mother told me, you’d go to hell if I married you-“ He suddenly stopped.
“You what?” she asked, stepping down the steps of the chapel, all the sisters suddenly moving out the way.
“I – I asked you’re father if I could propose, I know you’re family’s into that sort of old fashioned stuff, I thought he was going to hit me when I asked him, you’re mother asked me whether I wanted you to go to hell. I of course said no, she told me if I married you, you’d go to hell, she said the only way you would be happy is if I left... I bought an apartment in Brooklyn and everything for us with the money I saved up...When I was at your house last night and I saw you crying like that, just because I broke up with you, I knew I couldn’t stay away from you... I was about to get up on that aeroplane but I couldn’t, not unless I asked you” He dropped down to his knee and all the sisters held in a breath.
“Jessica Bradley, will you marry me?” she stared down at the ring he pulled out from his jacket pocket; it was small and absolutely perfect.
Sister Mary had tears in her eyes, Jessica turned to her, her eyes slowly watering too.
“What?” She sobbed taking out her tissue “I’m not made of stone you know, you have my permission child, go”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes and a million times yes” she said, running towards him, jumping into his out stretched arms. The sisters all cheered in delight as she held her fiancé in her arms and kissed him heavenly.
“You are my angel” He whispered.
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