Young Writers Society

It didn't scare me. I really liked this story, it's quite unique. I think every girl can relate to this because that's what they did their dolls, haha. Good job. Keep up the amazing story writing.

It's not a really scary story, really. The ending just hits you pretty hard.

I liked how morbid and disturbing this was, amazing job. Things like this entertain the hell out of me. Ever since I read Lolita its a source of interest

It is a mess, and in the middle is his daughter, sitting complacently.

I don't think you need a comma after mess, seeing as there is a 'and'

The only other thing I noticed is your verb tense. It has a heavy feeling of present tense, but now and then I saw -ed verbs and instead of pointing each and everyone out to you, I figured I would just tell you.

Otherwise, really good I love your voice, and the story was so enthralling for me. I'm glad it was short also, I'm kind of lazy lately!

Great its totally strange. and written great. (unlike that sentance)

*stabs past tense*

Ah, one day, it will be completely pretty!

And I think I put that comma there to add the next clause, almost as an afterthought, if that makes any sense...

Glad you two liked it!

i really like it!!!

Thanks!

This is kinda disturbing and ... well... scary.
*shudders*
good style but.... the content was horrific!

I HAVE to ask this.

Does the Girl have a thing for her Father?

But other than that, nice story. My favorite kind of fiction.

And... are you published yet?

Glad you liked it! ^_^

The girl, in my mind, is five or six years old. She may be older or younger, depending on what you perceived her to be, but that's my thought. I believe that she is so severely psychologically upset that yes, she does like the attention her father gives her because it makes him happy and anything that she can do that can make him happy makes her happy as well. I don't think that she fully appreciates sex nor do I think that she has a thing for her father, but this can be interpreted in many different ways.

Er... not published yet. Too lazy to be published, sadly, lol. But I have finished a novel and am looking for an agent.

I read this story on your website and I still love it.

Love love love! <3 Fantastic job you delightful deviant you ^_~

LUNA

Hm, I have some critiques, but I will save those for a time other than 12:03 AM (Eastern Standard Time, of course.) Just using this post as a placeholder to remind me to come back later.

But yeahh ... realll disturbing, Snoink.

Very well written, a little scary i must admit but wow it really got my attention.

Snoink wrote:
Er... not published yet. Too lazy to be published, sadly, lol. But I have finished a novel and am looking for an agent.

Novel? Since when? Email me a chapter?

Anyway, lovely story. Takes more than this to disturb my mind though
You don't need any help on this one. It is so smoothly polished that I am almost jealous of it

I didn't get scared by this (happens when you've been desensatized by video games lol). However I thought it was quite interesting and original. The way you worded the story made it simple and engaging for me to read. Kept me interested Snoink.

Good work XD