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The Queen of Dolls



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Mon May 15, 2006 6:10 am
Snoink says...



The Queen of Dolls


It’s full of dolls.

Dolls litter the room, some on the bed, some on the windowsill; they’re everywhere. Most of them have short necks. They used to have long necks, but She would bang them together with glee before ripping them off. They were afraid of Her, but there was nothing they could do. Nothing they could do but watch.

She comes in.

She’s dressed as a princess, as usual. Pearls hang down her neck, and she has a sparkly pink shawl covering her shoulders. She is beautiful and the dolls blink at her. They love her, and despite all that has happened, with their short stubby necks, they can’t stand to be without her.

She grabs one of them.

Her fingers are brown and sticky. She’s been eating chocolate again. She looks at the doll critically before flinging her aside. Then she picks another one.

It takes ten tries, but she finally finds one she likes. It’s a doll with a beautiful purple dress and sparkling eyes. She tears the dress off. Then, very carefully, she goes through, her finger going in between the doll’s plastic breasts, slipping under beneath her legs. She stares at the doll.

“You like that, don’t you, you little whore?”

The voice is light and soprano; more like an angel than an actual human, and this makes it even better. True, the voice does have a hint of a lisp – She is wearing braces – but otherwise, it took the doll’s breath away.

She flings her aside.

She is searching for another doll, and it isn’t until she picks up a small toddler does she stop. The doll’s name is Kelly. Kelly looks very much like the girl, and the girl gazes at her intently, slowly peeling off the pretty pink dress Kelly is wearing. Then she nods, setting her aside, letting her sit on a desk.

“You’re looking pretty today.”

The doll does not respond.

“Do you want to play?”

The doll says nothing to this, but the girl eyes her carefully before nodding. She searches through the dolls, flinging one so hard that its plastic head falls off. Then she stops, picking up another. His name is Ken. She brushes off his polo shirt, as if he had been playing hard in the grass, and takes him to Kelly. In a deeper voice, the girl says, “Do you want to play?”

Kelly’s dress isn’t totally off. It is opened so that it can be easily pulled off though. The girl grabs Kelly, sitting her on one knee and Ken on the other. She manipulates Ken’s arms to reach for Kelly, but she is quickly frustrated. His motions aren’t fluid. She frowns and lets his plastic hand, his hard hand, pull off the rest of Kelly’s clothes.

“Do you like that?”

Kelly doesn’t respond. Her expression is soft, her painted eyes staring away at something… The girl is not quite sure what. She sets the girl upon her knee and looks at Ken. He is too overdressed. She fumbles with his clothes, the Velcro making a tearing sound. And then he is undressed.

But not nude. The girl frowns, letting her hand go between his legs, almost reverently. He is wearing bronze plastic briefs, and they look silly to the girl. She is used to boxers. She smirks at this. He is wearing panties.

They must come off.

She tries to tear at them, peeling off the plastic that is firmly in place. She scratches him a bit, but nothing. He smiles faintly at her.

“Be a man,” the girl says impatiently. He does nothing.

She sighs and turns to Kelly. “Well, you must pretend.”

She moves his arms again. It frustrates her that his fingers will not move, but she compensates for this as much as possible by moving Kelly so that every possible inch on her small body is covered. Touched. Ken moves down, first on her immature breasts, then down to her tummy. Then the middle of her legs. The girl is trembling.

It’s taking too much time.

Then, together, Ken and Kelly embrace. He’s twice the size of her yes, and he is wearing panties, but that doesn’t matter. Now Kelly is touching him. It is love in its purest form.

The front door slams open.

She immediately puts clothes on Ken, pulling the slacks up and the dirty polo shirt on. Before she could get to Kelly, her bedroom door opens. Her father comes in.

He looks around. It is a mess, and in the middle is his daughter, sitting complacently. She looks to him with deep brown eyes.

“Whatcha doing?

“Nothing,” she responds. One of the pink ribbons in her hair flutters as she speaks.

He looks around again and then back at her. “Wanna play?”

She grins and nods. Before she leaves the room with him, she flings Kelly away.
Last edited by Snoink on Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:29 am, edited 4 times in total.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Mon May 15, 2006 6:27 am
Cornelius_Quinnsomer says...



haha.... I really think this is great. The idea and the writing. Good job.
  





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Mon May 15, 2006 10:17 am
Elizabeth says...



The ending seemed to scare me...
I mean... seriously... it scared me...
Oh my god I'm so scared... Oh god...
Was it JUST roleplay she was doing with the dolls or am I just twisted in the head?
*Probably both*

I liked the idea of it, this is how I played Barbie when I was 10 XD
Hahaha... *coughs*
Oh, I'm so scared now lol... *weeps and laughs at the same time*

Snoink you scare me.
  





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Mon May 15, 2006 8:06 pm
Snoink says...



The Black Rose wrote:The ending seemed to scare me...
I mean... seriously... it scared me...
Oh my god I'm so scared... Oh god...
Was it JUST roleplay she was doing with the dolls or am I just twisted in the head?
*Probably both*


Hehehe!

Thus, the clever use of the cliffhanger. You can use your own imagination as to what really happened, using the story as a foundation as your beliefs.

Devious, huh? ;)

I tend to scare a lot of people, actually. :?
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Tue May 16, 2006 2:59 am
Areida says...



Dang, Snoink, way to disturb me.

I actually had Addie over my shoulder when I first started reading this, but as soon as I read, “You like that, don’t you, you little whore?” I was like *loud voice* "Well, okay, time for you to really get going on your homework... yes siree... time to get moving..." *frantically hitting backspace button*

LOL... But anyway. Now that I don't have to censor my screen, I have a couple of comments.

The doll's name is Kelly.

Of course. I mean, what else would it be? :roll: Figures, Snoink, just figures, lol.

She searches through the dolls, flinging one so hard that its plastic head falls off.

This line seems to add even more creepiness to the story: a little girl with a sex obsession and violent tendencies. *shudders*

Her expression is soft, her painted eyes staring away at something… The girl is not quite sure what.

I'm not sure the ellipses are necessary here. It seems like you've been really consistent with your short, choppy sentences that keep of the tenseness of this piece, but then you've got these somewhat random ellipses that slow the pace. I'm not sure if that was your intent, but the emphasis seemed off to me. I would exchange them for a nice semicolon instead. :P

“Be a man,” the girl says impatiently. He does nothing.

She sighs and turns to Kelly. “Well, you must pretend.”

I found this to be a bright spot of dark humour (;)) amidst all this disturbing-ness. Maybe I just have a weird sense of humour, but this is probably what convinced me to finish reading. I was beginning to be concerned about how this was going to end up.

Before she could get to Kelly, her bedroom door opens.

Just a little tense mix-up here. I think it should be, "Before she can get to Kelly..." etc.

So, overall, much creepiness and disturbing material here. But the fact that you managed it without being trashy in your writing is commendable. :)
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Tue May 16, 2006 2:14 pm
Joeducktape says...



A bit scary Snoink! But, hehe, you always were a bit out there!
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Wed Jul 26, 2006 4:20 pm
~Megan~ says...



That is a really creepy story, but very well written. *shudders* Very strange.
This thing all things devours;
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town,
Beats high mountain down.
The Hobbit J.R.R Tolkein
  





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Wed Jul 26, 2006 7:21 pm
Snoink says...



Thanks a lot! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Mon Jul 31, 2006 11:17 pm
Misty says...



Ah...brilliant. The ending sort of tied it all together,didn't it? I would love to comment profusely and make this deep and meaningful but there is a cassorole waiting for me in the kitchen, so let's make this quick:

The way the girl takes out her sexual frustrations (or sexual obsessions, as it were) is brilliant.

The way it is shown from the dolls point of view, calling her Her or She, is excellent.

And of course I couldn't find a single grammatical error in the whole thing, so, kudos.
  





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Mon Jul 31, 2006 11:44 pm
Rei says...



Well, you know my thoughts on this piece from TSR. I'm just wondering why you felt this was correct for Romantic fiction.
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Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:56 am
Snoink says...



Because it's a story about love.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Tue Aug 01, 2006 1:11 am
Rei says...



*shudders*
Please, sit down before you fall down.
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Sun Aug 13, 2006 3:47 am
Fireweed says...



All I can say is really, really disturbing and really, really good.
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Sun Aug 20, 2006 4:34 am
MRMarathon says...



that was stunning to my heart.

i was wondering about that end. it seems like some kind of taboo is going on.

but the girl, she's wicked which makes the story hit me like "whoa"
  





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Sun Aug 20, 2006 5:33 pm
Karma says...



Areida wrote:Dang, Snoink, way to disturb me.


uhhh...
'nuff said
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