Young Writers Society

As I watch the nightly rain coming down, I couldn't help but to think of you. You as in the person I talked to over the phone every night. As in getting on Facebook at the same time every day. You as in, well the person I love most. Right now I'm still young, and everybody says you can't experience "true love." When I met you, though, there was a sparkle in your eye and when you were happy, everyone else was happy. As you laughed and told jokes, the night didn't seem so dark anymore.
I walked over to my bed and quietly sang your favorite song, the one we found on youtube about narwhals. I wish you were here, day and night. I can't help to think about you here and there. To remember you laughter. How could such a happy person kill himself? I didn't get that about you. You died with so many friends crying over your dead body, wondering what they did wrong. I put my hands in my lap, remembering the time we were locked out of your house and it started to rain. Thats when rain wasn't scheduled every night for our curfew, so it was a surpise. Not a bad surprise, a good surprise. Then as we laughed and ran around, I tripped and fell onto your muscular chest, and for that moment we stared at eachother. Then you slowly kissed me and held me tight, and for the first time in ages, I had felt safe in our town. I felt that someone actually loved me. You knew that people were spreading stupid rumors about me. You were the only one who didn't look at me like you were gonna shoot my eyes out. I liked that about you. You looked deep into my heart and trusted me. So now after three years since your death, I'm sitting here, alone, in my bedroom. Did you think someone would still be thinking about you? I knew. I visited your grave, weared away by the rain, right before curfew every day.
"No really, tell the truth," you would say.
"I am! Believe me!" Then we would laugh and hug and walk away hand in hand.
Those were the good times.
After today, I will see you again. We will be together for as long as we want. Now I sit here, with a sword to my throat, thinking about you. Not just you, but you and me. With a scream and a powerful thust, I lay on the ground in a pool of my blood, smiling and thinking about us.

Hi there cityofdragons.

Geez! This is so shocking.

I can tell your character really loved the dead person. And the end just left me speechless. Your writing is good, no doubt. I would suggest you to separate the question, "How could such a happy person kill himself?" from the paragraphs. It would be much easier, we could read it over and over again, cause it's just really random. A good kind of random, by the way.

There are certain things I want to know:

First, what were the rumors they were spreading about the main character. Telling us would make us feel more comfortable, getting to know the character better.

Second, I really don't understand what the dialog is about. I don't get what is that she told him that he didn't believe her. Seems like you randomly pasted that there. o.o For a moment I thought she was pregnant? Ó.ò

Overall: it's shocking, but it's great.

~Solly<3

Nah,I didn't expect this to happen.

Now I sit here, with a sword to my throat...

But,this is a good story. People would do anything to be with someone they love. Reunite in death.

This is really powerful and emotional, there is one mistake on line three I think but other than that I would say it's perfect. The simplicity of it and the kindness in your words portray a real feeling towards the girls dead lover. This is a brilliant piece of work, I wish I could write as good as you!