Young Writers Society

I don't think this should be really offensive to anyone on here, and I'm not sure how to forewarn people without blatantly saying what's going on. I guess if, in general, there are a few controversial topics that offend you, which I respect, don't read on. But I honestly don't think this is bad at all.




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I hate us.

I don’t hate you.

In case one day you see this, let me clarify.

There are so many things that, a year from now, I will remember. Your jokes, the ones I always call lame, the ones that make me laugh every time. Those moments when you let down your guard and show me how much you care for me. How you always say hi and then launch into a description of something that happened to you that day -- something you said that sounded bad, an awkward text, a funny joke you heard.

Five years from now, maybe I’ll be blurry on the details, but I won’t forget. I won’t forget the way my heart skipped a beat every time you greeted me. I won’t forget how, every time you made me laugh, I laughed with my heart and soul, the kind of laugh that only slipped out when I was truly happy. I won’t forget that odd sensation I experienced every time I saw your name, that feeling that started somewhere in my stomach and worked its way all through me.

Even ten, fifteen, twenty, years from now, there will be things that will remind me of you. Maybe someone will say something and, just for a moment, I’ll remember how you said it, too. Maybe every time I meet someone with your name, I’ll think of you, even if it’s only for a brief moment. All I can be sure of is that you’ll always be there.

I’m sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I? You’re not one for useless platitudes and long-winded stories, and you hate clichés, hate overdone romantic lines. You hate not understanding too, hate not knowing what I mean, and I tease you mercilessly about it. You probably skimmed over the past few paragraphs, just because you’re dying to know what the point of this whole thing is.

I’ll tell you -- I will, I really will. Just give me a minute to say what I want to say. A minute to get all these thoughts of you, incoherent, coherent, teeming with memories of laughter, down on paper.

I said I hated us.

But I love everything about you.

I hate us, because there is no ‘us’.

I’m starting to sound a bit like the dreaded romantic cliché, so I’ll try to keep moving before you close this and ask me what the hell I’m going on about.

I’m not upset because you don’t love me like I love you. I whole-heartedly believe that sometimes you have to just believe in the possibility, that maybe -- if not today, maybe tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, maybe next week, next month, next year. Maybe the other person will come around. I believe that while there’s still a chance, everything is okay. That maybe can keep me going.

To be clear, because frankly I could never be clear and level-headed when it came to you, I don’t hate that we’re not together. I hate that we won’t be -- that we can’t be, not today, not ever. I hate that there’s no possibility, no maybe. More importantly, I hate myself.

I know my negativity frustrates you. When I complain about a bad grade, you assure me I’ll bring it up. When I say that I can’t sing, you tell me to be nice, and say that I’m not as bad as I think I am. When I say that I’m fat, you tell me I’m not -- and I have to thank you for that, because I truly do think those assurances have helped me find a silver lining to my own existence that I, the master pessimist, had not seen before.

So when I say I hate myself, I don’t mean what you think I mean. I do hate myself - but not because I’m ugly, or because I’m fat. Not because I think I don’t deserve you. Not because I think that I’m just a general failure. No, all in all, I think I’m a pretty decent person, if not the best of the best, if not spectacular or extraordinary or special.

I have a few flaws, but only one that will ever really keep me from what I want: I’m a girl.

And so are you.

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This is not one of my most serious works, but any feedback/opinions would be appreciated much the same. : )

Whoa! Curb-ball! Even with the little side-note warning thing at the beginning, which I totally forgot about while reading this. So, my general impression was, "Wow, I can totally relate to this," making a bunch of connections between this story and a guy I like, etc., and when I found out she liked another girl, my mouth dropped. In a good way. Because you know what you managed to do? You made it connect, the feeling of love, and then suddenly brought another angle to our mushy perspectives, making me personally sympathize and understand your character on a level I never thought I could for somebody with a same-sex attraction. I mean I've always completely accepted same-sex couples and think they have all the same rights we do, and yet I'd never been able to understand it. Now I feel like I do, a little. You added a sweeter sense to it, and yes it's controversial, but that makes it all the better. *Liked*
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hey there,
OMG this was beautiful! I really, really, really loved this! It flowed so well, and you really made me feel for your character, I was almost in tears. You just captured the emotion perfectly. The last line made me mentally go WOAH.

When I say that I can’t sing, you tell me to be nice, and say that I’m not as bad as I think I am.

This sounds a wee bit odd to me, because we're usually told to be nice when we're being mean to other people, not to ourselves.

Otherwise, I have nothing to critique at all. Awesomely done!!

Wow, this was an amazing piece. I agree with StoryWeaver when it comes to the same-sex thing. While I’m ok with it, I never been able to kinda connect with it, but the way you wrote your story made it very easy to do so. I think my favorite part was in the beginning when you told us about the girl the main character was in love with by telling her what you’ll always remember about it. It’s sweet =) There wasn’t anything that I could find that needed work, so that’s all I’ve got to say. Nice work!

Ah, this is a lovely piece of writing.
As mentioned by others, I can feel the connection between the speaker and the person she's addressing (in this case, the first person POV fits well for readers). There's a delightful balance between physical and emotional aspects of their relationship, both of which are important in creating a complete homosexual character. Not that it doesn't for heterosexuals, but there's a different dimension to the dynamics of same-sex couples.
The only thing I can possibly think of that you may want to consider adding (personally, I think it's fine the way it is):
I know you intend to reveal that the speaker is a homosexual at the end, however, it just ends there. I understand the trials same-sex couples have to endure, but you do not address it specifically. Considering that there are homosexuals in happy relationships, you have not explained what stops them from pursuing such a relationship. Beliefs? Fear? Rejection? The intended recipient is not lesbian? Etc. I suppose as a short piece, there doesn't need to be elaborate clarifications and such, but yeah, maybe you want to shed some light on their difficulties.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading this, and it's a shame you don't have more 'Likes'.
~Meep(:

I don't get it... it seems like the writer is very much in love, but she is hindered by her own insecurities. Okay, fine. Honestly, I probably wouldn't be able to get along with her eventually, because I am like her partner... brutally cheerful. And it's rather depressing hanging around those people! XD

But, here's the thing I don't get... she admits that it's a same-sex relationship at the very end, like it's all dramatic and everything. And I don't understand why it should be dramatic after all. I mean... why does it matter to their relationship? Is the reason why the writer is backing out is because of this relationship being same-sex? Why not say this upfront?

So yeah. I mean, it's dramatic... it just doesn't make sense within the actual story why it would be important.