Young Writers Society

"It just wasn't good enough."
I glance down. Stare at her shoes. Navy blue, plastic platform shoes. I refuse to look up at her, let her have the satisfaction of seeing my red puffy tear stained cheeks. If she see's, then they all do, then they all know how much it hurt; how much this meant.
I take in a breath.
"I'll go then?"
I force myself to look up at her. Her eyes cold like metal, an icy wind, like the feelig of a freshly risen goose bump after a clean scare.
Her eyes bare into mine.
"Go."
I rush off stage tears spilling down and hitting my feet. All the girls with their glittering eyes turn to see me dash out the door. A pathetic mess.
I shove my way through the crowd, walking in short stompy strides, elbowing my way across. My eyes catch glimpse of a gleaming glass door reflecting every body that walks past. The exit. I press my body against the metal handle and step out on to the side walk. People who are walking past are beginning to stare. I pretend not to care and lean my body against the brick wall and slide down. The side walk is disgusting, old chewed gum is stuck to the bottom of my thigh. I cringe and bury my swollen face in my palms.
"Have you gone mad?"
I peek through my fingers, too embarrased to show my face. A tall boy with a startled stare looks down at me.
"Uh-Ah.. What?"
Ignoring my question he begins to rant.
"Have you gone mad? This sidewalk is far more gross than a public restroom and here you are wallering in it. Feeling sorry for your self are we?"
Noticing he's getting in the way of the people walking past, he crouches down next to me.
"Take your hands away from your face and look at me please."
Normally I wouldn't take random demands from a stranger, but he acted thoroughly concerned, like a girl in a glittering tattered dress with make up running down her face was fascinating.
I move my hands slowly sliding the tip of my finger across my cheek to catch stray tears.
"There she is." His voice is soft and he pulls out a miniture germ-ex bottle from his jean pocket.
"Clean your hands off, it's quite gross." He has a thick british accent and it works well for him.
I snatch it up quick and squirt a puddle in the palmn of my hand,slowly wiping them together.
"Can I take you to lunch? Maybe you can tell me why you are sitting in the middle of a walk way?"
A chuckle escapes from my lips. I glance up at him and skim over his face, he doesn't seem much, if older than me. His eyes are soft.
"I don't know you."
I stand up and wipe the dirt from my tights.
"I don't know you either."
He smiles at me and points to a diner across the street.
"It's right there, I promise I won't do anything but buy you lunch and listen to what you have to say."

hello!
was a good read.
as i am supposed to review it i'll just point out the faulty parts.
in the start i was confused about the gender of the protagonist. it hasnt been specified anywhere and it gets a bit confusing. maybe mentioning her name somewhere in the start will work.

If she see's, then they all do, then they all know how much it hurt; how much this meant.

if she sees then they all will then they all will know how much it hurt, how much this meant to me.

Her eyes cold like metal, an icy wind, like the feelig of a freshly risen goose bump after a clean scare.

i dont think this sentence is grammatically right.
feeling.

I rush off stage, tears spilling down and hitting my feet.

i'v added a comma.
do you type it in a word document first? if not i suggest you do that. it really helps with the grammar and spellings.

hope i have helped.

-manisha

I think this is a really nice story.
This is my first reviewing a story, but the most evident flaw that I saw was the grammar use.
I'll try not to repeat what the reviewer before pointed out but as you saw, it was just the commas sentence structure and spelling,

seeing my red, puffy ,tear-stained cheeks

-maybe you could have said 'tear-streaked'?

He has a thick British accent

I snatch it up quickly and squirt a puddle in the palm of my hand,slowly wiping them together

I am in full agreement with the suggestion to use Microsoft Word and then copy and paste.

Of course I could not end without praising your work . I'm not sure if it was intentional but you had such great story element that don't spell out 'oh she was just randomly following a short story's format'. I can see this as a piece worth studying, competent with some I've done in English class can I say? I could use my imagination and intellect to piece together the information as the story developed. I would have liked for it to continue but that is not to say it ended poorly. Quite the contrary, I would love to see maybe a next part?

Keep writing, you do so well!
Kimmybee.

Alright, Remember.
Hey there. ^^

This piece, despite it's length, makes you feel all happy and stuff. Although you don't know much about the girl, you know she's been through a heart break probably and the reader can empathize with her. If you want me to talk about the underlying meaning, this piece shows you hope. That there are people out there who care, no matter what. And at the most hopeless and helpless of times, something great might just happen to you.

You could work a bit more at the description? Like how the girl was feeling really and everything? That is, if you want the reader to try and connect to the MC a bit more. I feel like this will brew up into a love story of the girl and the Brit guy? I'd like you to continue this, it's so cute. :3

Oh and, you're no less brilliant yourself. <3

Cheers,
Sam.