Young Writers Society

You left your hoodie in the backseat. I'll give it to you tomorrow when I see you at school. But for now, it's mine.

In my bedroom, I pull your hoodie over my shoulders and stand looking at myself in the mirror. It's your favorite hoodie, and I understand why. The baggy green fabric is velvety soft against my bare shoulders, and it has the most charming smell about it, a deep, almost smoky scent that is entirely yours. There are streaks of paint on the sleeves, remnants of artwork you've done. I brush my fingers across a golden smudge and close my eyes, wondering what you were painting when you made this one. It doesn't matter. Everything you paint is perfect to me.

On the left sleeve, right above the wrist, there's a tiny heart with an arrow piercing it that was scribbled with a pencil. I drew it during a study session at the library when we were both bored. I'm sort of surprised that you haven't washed the hoodie since then; it's been almost two months, but oh well. You don't really care about those sort of things anyway.

My radio sits on the end table next to my bed, and I turn it on. The lyrics from a Taylor Swift song fill the room; it's one of her first ones, the ones I used to sing along to when I was younger. I know every word. It's called "Stay Beautiful."

"You're beautiful, every little piece, love.
And don't you know, you're really gonna be someone?...
Stay beautiful..."

I close my eyes, wrap my arms around myself, imagining that you're there instead of just your hoodie, and sway to the music. You're so beautiful. Stay beautiful.

I'll see you tomorrrow at school.

Very cutesie, but still very good. The sentence you used at the beginning was a perfect hook to the story. I really like how it is pretty short and to the point, but also tells a story and completes it.

creativityrules wrote:I'll see you tomorrrow at school.

Perfect ending. it doesn't add to much cheesiness and it sounds completely natural!

creativityrules wrote:"You're beautiful, every little piece, love.
And don't you know, you're really gonna be someone?...
Stay beautiful..."

I love that song too.

Very cutesie, but still very good. The sentence you used at the beginning was a perfect hook to the story. I really like how it is pretty short and to the point, but also tells a story and completes it.

creativityrules wrote:I'll see you tomorrrow at school.

Perfect ending. it doesn't add to much cheesiness and it sounds completely natural!

creativityrules wrote:"You're beautiful, every little piece, love.
And don't you know, you're really gonna be someone?...
Stay beautiful..."

I love that song too.

What you've done with this is really cute. This is an adorable short story. I like how you personalized the story, how you added the small details like the paint on his sweater. It made it believable. Happy Writing!

-Crescent

Awww! Usually I can't stand fluffy things like this, but I liked this because it was well-written and the whole second person thing was a risk, and you pulled it off nicely. The Taylor Swift song threw me off the edge (I'm not a fan), but to each his own. Though I think mentioning the name of an artist detracts a little bit from your writing and gets the writer thinking about her rather than the "you" in your story or the narrator. Maybe I'm just biased against Taylor though. Anyway, I really enjoyed this!

Hey there creativityrules!

Gosh. This was so darn cute! I mean, aww I love it.

You seem to capture the MC's feelings beautifully, with her thoughts and the way she connects the song with the guy she likes. In a piece so short, using a song and making the MC admit that it reminds her of times gone by, makes the MC seem so much more real. It's a step towards making her appear 3D that's so simple yet so effective. Speaking of simple, the plot is pretty straightforward. It doesn't have a lot to it, but it's short, so that's okay. The idea behind the hoody is great though. It's a sweet moment that, thanks to your great descriptions, I could imagine perfectly.

I feel a bit unsure about the relationship between the MC and the owner of the hoody though. Are they together? Or are they just friends, but the MC's hoping for more? It's a sweet piece either way, but a little something to suggest where their relationship's at would be good for the story.

So yeah. Thanks for the cute little read

xDudettex