Young Writers Society

Dear Boy,

This is your toy doll speaking. Yes, you know the Barbie you tossed onto the shelf after a month because you grew bored of her? Hey there, that’s me. I’m aware you’re silly biological make-up has programmed you to see me in this manner, but I’d like to alert you that I’m not quite made of plastic. A little box in my chest sings out a never-ending lullaby, sometimes growing in tempo or slowing down. Occasionally it beats out its rhythm so fast it misses a few notes here and there, skipping around on the sheet music. This little box inside my chest told me to trust you with every fiber in my being.
“He’s different than the other boys.” It said. “He’s careful and sweet, he knows how to treat girls like a gentleman.”
You always mumbled out numerous apologies if you thought you might have harmed me even in the slightest. This gave me false hope you see, because I never looked too closely at what lay within. My eyes and the walls you put up had guarded me from anything beyond your exterior appearance. We loved and we laughed and we loved some more. But I guess not even all of my loving could keep you from growing bored.
I gave you gifts and showered you with kisses, but you threw me aside like an old toy you no longer wanted. Just a plastic doll on the shelf. I could patiently await the day you pick me up to play again, but I’m afraid you were mistaken. These “plastic” legs and arms are no longer yours for the taking.
So the next time you go searching for me and my huge heart on the shelf, I’m afraid all you’ll find is an empty space. It’s quite similar to the void you placed in my chest that night. That night you phoned me with some news. I am no longer your muse. So I bid you farewell, and good luck with your issues, because I’m done weeping beside a box of tissues.

Sincerely,
The doll on the shelf

(I'd just like to mention that for some reason it doesn't let you indent your paragraphs on here? So don't yell at me for me "improper paragraph grammar" or whatever. This was written about my ex about an hour after he broke up with me over the phone.)

We've all noticed that it doesn't let you indent on here unless you use the space bar, so you're safe from a chewing out from that. In actuality, your grammar was very good. I loved your idea for the plot (YOU GO GIRL!) and it was a very well written letter. THe only thing I thought needed slight change was this. You said,

“He’s different than the other boys.” It said. “He’s careful and sweet, he knows how to treat girls like a gentleman.”

I think it would look a little neater like this,

“He’s different than the other boys,” it said. “He’s careful and sweet, he knows how to treat girls like a gentleman.”

Of course, that's just my opinion, and if you leave it the way it is that would be okay to.

I loved this piece. Every girl who has ever had a bad boyfriend should write a letter like this to him. It's very passioniate and well written, and deserves five stars.

As always, anything I said in this review is not meant to be offensive, it is mearly a suggestion. I hope that I helped you. Good job!

I feel ya, honey. The way you expressed your feelings here were beautiful and so true. Great use of the doll metaphor, and I loved the part about the music. I'm glad you posted this. This is what words were made for. <3

But I guess not even all of my loving could keep you from growing bored.

It's not always best to start a sentence with 'but'.....I think for this it works good though. This is a very amazing piece of writing, which I think every girl should read after a break-up. Great work!

wow... that was beautiful. Your writing style flows nicly, and would speak to many young women after a harsh break-up, because it came from the heart of someone who Knows how they feel.

Hi there!
This was really, really good. It was so beautifully written, so unique and interesting. It sounded like it came from the heart...which, I'm sure it did I didn't like the rhyme at the end, but maybe I'm just weird like that o.O Terrific job!

Hey there, just returning the favor for your review on my piece.

I really liked this It perfectly captured the emotion a girl feels when her man fails to meet even the tiniest of her expectations. It was relatable and well-written. The flow was beautiful, poetic really Also, the imagery was lovely. I don't have any major problems with the grammar, so good job on that! Keep up the good work!

~Jess

Hey there,
I won't comment much on this piece, simply because it's a personal thing for you and not something really subject to edits when it's heartfelt.
However, from a literary point of view, you could consider truly taking on a doll's persona. Sometimes you lapse into very 'human' descriptions, which is fine if you show a transition between the two states (i.e boy treating you like a doll vs. but you're human).
Nevertheless, I hope you feel better soon. As with personal experiences, the emotions do jump out at the audience, so we can all feel what you write.
~Meep(: