Dear My Love,
I would like to say that my life is getting better, but it doesn't seem that I can. My life, as you already know, is a whirl-wind of a never ending battle between life and death. I am trying to make it better though. I really truly am, but it just seems so hard to be happy somewhere that you feel like death is following you around every waking moment that you are there. In this house, I feel no love. Just sorrow and regret. I know now that what I did when I was all alone, was the wrong thing to do. I know now that your love, is the most important thing in my life. That I should have cherished that, held on to that and never let it go. But it seems that time has made it to where you slipped through my fingers like sand in an hour glass slowly melting away the time. Now? Looking back? I feel so stupid and childish for ever letting you leave my side. But you, you had the courage to never drift too far away. You were always there. You held me so dear, so close, like a mother holding her child after a nightmare. Of course our relationship was never like that though. It was always so much better. So much more magical and special.
My Love, I am so sorry for breaking my promise, even if you don't know yet that I have. It was a stupid moment of weakness. The pain set in again, but this time it went so much deeper. You were gone, busy, doing something else. I started having a break down and just crying my eyes to no end. I started thinking about the past, how to get rid of the unsettling pain. Then I heard it, as clear as day, my mind whispered to my hands to reach over and grab it. So it listened, under the dresser, and in a box, I saw the one thing that made all the pain go away. I saw the razor glisten as the sun hit it. It was so new and shiny, and begging to be used. So I sat down on my bed, and just watched it for a moment or two. Then I slowly pulled down my pants and got to work. Cutting the flesh as if I were painting a portrait of a lovely red rose. The physical pain made the mental pain just go away. After the deed was done, I watched as the blood dripped from the fresh wounds. I got sick only three minutes later. Disgusted with myself, I returned the now blood-covered razor back into its hiding place, and prayed that I will never have to see it again. The physical pain only last an hour at most, then it was gone and left me with the mental pain yet again. But at that time, I didn't care, I was so tired that I fell asleep before the first tear could even hit the ground.
Please, I understand if you never forgive me. After every fit I threw and all the hell I caused, I would understand if you never wanted to see my face or hear my voice ever again. But after this, I know that you won't. I broke the promise that made this relationship all that it is. I disregarded your trust for a moment of ease. I am so sorry for what I did. Please remember that. Also please remember that I loved you then, and I still love you now. I will always love you. I didn't lie when I said 'forever'. Goodbye My Love, I know that you will make the right choice on what to do with me. Whether it is to never talk to me or see me ever again, or to try one last time and just never trust me again. I will understand.
Sincerely,
Yours Forever.
Gender:
Points: 595
Reviews: 60