Young Writers Society

This post has been deleted

Hey Ember! Thanks for the PM!

Now this chapter/scene is so far the one I have the most nitpicks for.

Like I have no idea how much time has passed since the last scene. What happened with Andrea? Has she turned 18 yet? Is she staying with her boyfriend? When did they decide to get married? What's going on???

Haha, okay now that that's out of my system. Here are the real little nitpicks.

I don’t live with her any more Greg… I moved out, started a life of my own. She was very unkind to me.

Unkind? The way she talks kind of irks me a little...she seems so sickly sweet in the language she uses.

I said get someone else, damn it!

So yeah that's about it!

~Hope

Hey Ember,

ooooh! Intriguing! Plot twists definitely ahead! But...I agree with everything bond girl wrote before me. You have a tendency to skip scenes and years and it would be nice to the in-betweens, you know?

I have nothing more to add here except for great chapter!!
Tanya :d

Sorry it took so long to get here!
One thing: Dr is an abbreviation and should be Dr. Either that or Doctor.

I think I know what this is about.... uh-oh....
I really like this play!!
I wish I could have seen it acted out... *grins*
Anywho.
You're a really tallented script-writer!
Let me know when the next part comes out!

OK I'll think of a way to make the transition of years smoother. At this point she is well over 18 years old, and has settled in well in her new life once being freed from Vivica. Dr. Lancaster is an old family friend that Andrea visits to catch up with, and simultaneously let the audience know the developments that have happened in the transition years.

Locked, if the Author reposts work or wants it unlocked, PM me.