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Eradication (Scene Two)



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Sun May 23, 2010 10:39 pm
Vasticity says...



ERADICATION (Scene Two)

(We cut to a folder being dropped onto a table. We zoom out to reveal Evan Rand, sitting down in front of the table. The camera zooms out further to reveal Corey, sitting across the table)

EVAN:
His name is Keith Webber. He's wanted in 7 states, most of them quite a ways from here. I don't know how came here, or why... but it's good that you came to me. I'll tell them when I get to work, but he's long gone by now, most likely.

COREY:
What makes you think that, Evan?

EVAN:
Typically, whenever he comes into a city and commits a crime... he usually disappears about four hours afterward.

COREY:
Well, you know, to be honest... I'm a little worried about it.

EVAN:
(Clears throat)
About what?

COREY:
He saw me. He looked right at me and... look, I think he's going to come after me. Make sure I don't talk, you know?

EVAN:
That's unlikely. He wouldn't get caught up on a little thing like that. And even he did... You've got a cop for a friend.

(Corey laughs a little)

COREY:
You're right. I shouldn't worry about something like this. ...So what exactly did he do here, anyway?

EVAN:
Three people dead, gunshot wounds. Looks like he used a Jericho 941 F. 9 millimeter.

COREY:
Did they know him?

EVAN:
We don't know. I would assume so, but, some of these serial killers, are just crazy. No story to it.

(Evan's watch suddenly starts beeping. He presses a button on it, then stands up)

EVAN:
I've gotta get going. I'll give the chief your message, okay?

(Corey stands up as well, and nods his head)

COREY:
Okay, thanks.

(Evan grabs a pair of keys off the table, and walks out of the room)

EVAN:
You can let yourself out. See you later.

COREY:
Bye.

(Evan walks out the door, and we cut to Corey, who just stands there for a moment. He picks up the folder and opens it. He pulls out a piece of paper, and we cut to a close-up of a small box of text, which reads '67 Murders.' He puts the paper back into the folder, and sets it on the table)

COREY:
(Sighing)
Nothing to worry about.

(We cut to Evan, walking down the street. Suddenly, Keith jumps out from around a corner, grabs Evan, and puts his hand around Evan's mouth)

EVAN:
(Muffled)
What do you want with me?

KEITH:
What do you think? I'm here to clean up. I can't have evidence being spread around about me. And once I'm finished with you, I'm going to get rid of your little friend, Smythe.

EVAN:
(Muffled)
Leave Corey alone!

KEITH:
I can't do that, I'm afraid. It's a very rare occasion when a man sees my face, let alone report me to a police officer. I have a reputation to maintain, you know.

(Evan begins to shake and scream muffled thing. Keith puts a pistol into his back, and he stops squirming)

KEITH:
Nothing personal.

(We cut to Corey, leaving Evan's house. Suddenly, police sirens sound in the distance. Corey looks in the direction of the sound, swallows, then walks past the camera. We fade to black)
And the angel said unto him, “stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.” But lo, he could not stop, for the angel was hitting him with his own hands.
  





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Thu May 27, 2010 8:45 am
skutter11 says...



Hey, Vas, another good script, there. The dialogue between the characters were good and realistic. The stage directions are nice and simple, so you took the actors in account. Good job and keep writing!
"Madness rides the Star wind"

HP Lovecraft. Ironic, no?
  





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Thu Jun 17, 2010 8:26 pm
Deifyance says...



awesome script once again. your setting up a plot and giving information about the whole story in a wonderful manner. awesome work.
happy scripting!
-deify
Check out my current Series: Changing Legacy

Chapter 1
Changing Legacy: Chapter 1 - Disheartening

Chapter 2
Changing Legacy: Chapter 2 - Ambushed
  





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Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:19 pm
Esther Sylvester says...



Hey V, it's Esther! Remember me? If not, think "Chat".

This was great. You actually got my heart rate up a bit. You have a great talent for suspense and action, you really do.

(We cut to Evan, walking down the street. Suddenly, Keith jumps out from around a corner, grabs Evan, and puts his hand around Evan's mouth)

EVAN:
(Muffled)
What do you want with me?


For me, this line didn't quite feel real enough. I would think Evan would be slightly more panicked. The line, "What do you want with me" is kind of a stock line, so maybe change it to something more urgent.

(Evan begins to shake and scream muffled thing. Keith puts a pistol into his back, and he stops squirming)

KEITH:
Nothing personal.


This is awesome-I love the detachedness of Keith's character. The line in red doesn't make sense to me though. Other than that, keep it up!

-Esther
It's writing prompt week on my blog a very random pickle!:
http://veryrandompickle.blogspot.com/
  








If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
— Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"